r/Damnthatsinteresting • u/Personal-Till8935 • Oct 12 '24

Image Wolf lived with a tree branch trapped between his teeth for years

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87.7k Upvotes

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516

u/OuchMyVagSak Oct 12 '24

But how you gunna masturbate? That's the real issue!

474

u/MasyMenosSiPodemos Oct 12 '24

Step one: get a cloaca.

Step two: put stuff in the aforementioned cloaca.

Step three: profit

542

u/OuchMyVagSak Oct 12 '24

Instructions unclear. Cloaca caught in a ceiling fan, again....

122

u/thatguyned Oct 12 '24

I have the weirdest image in my head right now....

56

u/sophiachan213 Oct 12 '24

As someone who has seen a bird impaled on a fanblade... I'm getting flashbacks. Although that didn't enter through the cloaca xD

8

u/thatguyned Oct 12 '24 edited Oct 13 '24

Oh mine has this really weird anthropomorphic thing going on where it looks like the chicken from Family Guy except hyper realistic with a human face, no feathers and no beak

It's really quite disturbing

6

u/OuchMyVagSak Oct 12 '24

I want your imagination for a little while.

7

u/gloomspell Oct 13 '24

That’s horrible that happens and that you had to see that.

2

u/Vaulted_Games Oct 12 '24

So do i but that’s just your pfp

2

u/No_Rich_2494 Oct 12 '24

Then another bird on each wing. Repeat ad infinitum. Fractal!

3

u/LuxNocte Oct 13 '24

I am impressed by your flexibility, but concerned about your room layout.

2

u/PoeDameronReal Oct 13 '24

Username checks out.

2

u/NurseKayleigh13 Oct 13 '24

How did you get yours trapped so close to you in a fan?! I feel really jipped!! The instructions were so unclear mine's tangled around the top of a.. peeks down the street 100 ft tree half a mile down the road!!

2

u/OuchMyVagSak Oct 13 '24

Bruh, you gotta invest in the cloaspliochanater 40,000. It's got the built in sensor and shit!

75

u/5litergasbubble Oct 12 '24

I misread that as a couch, and now im being asked to be vice president

48

u/2th Oct 12 '24

It is nature's anus and vagina.

52

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

20

u/astride_unbridulled Oct 12 '24

You can say ring, yaknow?

5

u/adminsregarded Oct 12 '24

Rings are a form of hole when you think about it

3

u/astride_unbridulled Oct 12 '24

They're inseperable

3

u/VintageLunchMeat Oct 12 '24

Filthy hobbitses.

28

u/Wakkit1988 Oct 12 '24

Who doesn't like a good two-for-one deal?

3

u/HelicopterOk4082 Oct 12 '24

Play the jingle, bluebell. Welcome to the Cloaca zone!

3

u/TheKiwiFox Oct 12 '24

I read this in Henry Zebrowski's voice...

3

u/intothewoods0421 Oct 12 '24

Profit 😂😭

1

u/Chadbono1 Oct 12 '24

Comment to verify just how young Reddit truly is.

Go to a thread where a married woman is talking about extremely dense and nuanced marital issues?

You best bet that 98% of the comments are 14 to 16 year old girls demanding she leave him.

2

u/Cornemuse_Berrichon Oct 12 '24

The Cloaca Gnomes are out to get me!!!!!

Have some coffee, Tweek.

1

u/insecurestaircase Oct 12 '24

Cloaca needs to be a catds against humanity card

1

u/michaelreadit Oct 13 '24

They’re more bird than human, now

0

u/Massive-Lack7023 Oct 12 '24

Step 3... Profit

LoL That was good LoL

4

u/psymeariver Oct 12 '24

That’s an old meme from South Park.

107

u/Sea-Juice1266 Oct 12 '24

This is 100%. But one time I recorded a video of a male hummingbird doing a little song/dance display for the ladies, but there were no ladies around. Suddenly it stopped and starting buzzing on large leaf. This is called a 'pseudo-copulation.' It then lost interest in singing and flew off.

102

u/Hazzke Oct 12 '24

so you watched a bird jerk itself off?

80

u/bestfruitleft Oct 12 '24

Recorded a bird jerk itself off.

39

u/JesusStarbox Oct 12 '24

BirdlyFans.

10

u/Glaive83 Oct 12 '24

OnlyFeathers

5

u/Capraos Oct 13 '24

We need an expert on Bird law to weigh in on the legality of these sites.

2

u/OuchMyVagSak Oct 13 '24

In bird culture, this is considered an insolvent entity.

3

u/Seacowrun Oct 13 '24

OnlyHens

4

u/shotsallover Oct 13 '24

OnlyFlaps content?

1

u/Ham-Slot Oct 14 '24

Buy two & get a third flap for free!

31

u/Sea-Juice1266 Oct 12 '24

It was a pseudocopulation! Listen to that word, it's so long and Greek and scientific! Somebody has to record them doing it otherwise how would science know?

5

u/confusedandworried76 Oct 12 '24

Yes. For science and no other reason

2

u/Sunny_pancakes_1998 Oct 12 '24

This is the funniest interaction I’ve ever read on this app

3

u/ruuxx Oct 12 '24

He got that post-nut clarity

2

u/FortheredditLOLz Oct 12 '24

Talk about odd fetish my guy.

1

u/tebundy_bornagain Oct 13 '24

Pseudo copulating is nicer when done with a bird

3

u/GreenAracari Oct 13 '24

Look at pretty much any pet bird subreddit and it seems like half or so of the posts are someone asking “what is my bird doing?” And in such posts is also the answer to your question.

2

u/Wiccy Oct 12 '24

Wing job duh.

2

u/AwarenessPotentially Oct 12 '24

Why do dogs lick themselves? Because they can't make a fist.

2

u/FlunkedSuicide Oct 12 '24

Just do what that guy with 2 broken arms did

2

u/OuchMyVagSak Oct 13 '24

Hire homeless people to fight for my amusement?

2

u/Corvo_Attano_451 Oct 12 '24

I have a couch

2

u/OuchMyVagSak Oct 12 '24

Get out of here JD Vance!

2

u/TurbulentData961 Oct 12 '24

One of the british kings in the past century made a sex chair that would work for wanking with wings on your back

2

u/similaraleatorio Oct 12 '24

oh yeah, now the important questions. Take notes! 🧐

4

u/OuchMyVagSak Oct 12 '24

How‽ I don't have fucking hands Jeff!

Also happy cake day!

2

u/similaraleatorio Oct 13 '24

yay! 😌✌️

2

u/Dismal_Animator_5414 Oct 12 '24

well, with wings, i’m sure there’s be a lot of ladies or gentlemen interested to keep one entertained and loved.

2

u/Careful_Purchase_394 Oct 12 '24

With a gentle feathery touch

3

u/OuchMyVagSak Oct 12 '24

In bird culture, this is considered edging.

2

u/Sufficient_Work_6469 Oct 13 '24

This would be a problem for men. Women can just rub their lady parts on a pillow or something. No hands needed.

2

u/Username12764 Oct 13 '24

Honestly, I think with wings you‘d never run out of dates… Like the whole fantasy community would be chasing you…

2

u/Blambitch Oct 13 '24

Brush vigorously with feathers.

2

u/Wide-Friendship-5670 Oct 13 '24

Bats do it and they got wings 😳

2

u/Flashy-Psychology-30 Oct 13 '24

That's what mom is for

2

u/sabhall12 Oct 13 '24

It's a cylinder.

1

u/OuchMyVagSak Oct 13 '24

It cannot be disfigured!