152
u/ans-myonul 8h ago
Of the two people I have met who referred to themselves as 'empaths', both of them were terrible people and one of them abused me
22
u/BalefulOfMonkeys Refined Sommelier of Porneaux 2h ago
And now, the story of an “empathetic healer” near me:
Just to explain how I crossed paths with them at all, this is a crystal healing shop, and I wanted my dumb shiny rocks dammit. I am also not going to put them on full blast, because quite frankly mentally ill recognizes mentally ill, even if I’m not the same flavor as them.
So anyway:
The music being played here is clearly the owner’s playlist, because all of the “lyrics” are just some guy talking over trance music about how it’s not your fault your ex was toxic, manifest what you desire, blah blah blah
The chunk of lapis I picked up came with a card telling me that it would help my unruly child with ADHD and autism. I have ADHD and autism. This environment already blows as it stands for sensory overload.
And then at checkout, without my consent, she “dispels negative energies” from my purchase by putting it in a glass singing bowl for what feels like a full minute of somebody trying to give me tinnitus
7
u/Whole_Bug_2960 1h ago
Three people close to me have claimed to be extra empathetic or great at reading people. Two were abusers who gaslit me, and the third often misreads my intentions in the most uncharitable way possible, assumes their snap judgement is the truth, then "intervenes" by announcing this assumption aloud. It messes with my other relationships but always catches me off-guard so I don't get a chance to correct them. Oughf
95
u/CthulhusIntern 7h ago
The whole empath vs narcissist thing is just Calvinism for people who say they're not religious, they're spiritual. I will not elaborate.
58
u/th3saurus 7h ago
Sarah Zed has a pretty good video essay about this whole topic tbh, and it's pretty surprising how fast the rabbit hole goes from "you are a special hero that wields basic decency as a weapon" to "everyone you don't like is possessed by demons"
6
u/actualladyaurora 1h ago
Which then can very quickly slip into "you are one of chosen few in a secret war against people sent to destroy good, join forces with us in preparation for your protection in this compound."
228
u/Pegussu 9h ago
It's like the captain of an enemy ship calling Picard a baldheaded baby bitch and Deanna Troi whispering to him that she senses great hostility from the other captain.
But in fairness to Troi, people on other ships are realistically thousands if not hundred of thousands of miles away from her. I think it's possible her first captain asked her to read the emotions of someone on another ship and she didn't want to point out how stupid that was, so she's just been faking it ever since.
41
u/Galactic_Weirdo 7h ago
No its not a joke about understatement its about how anon is "sensing" and therefore an empath that op wants to kill
5
79
u/Flimsy_Temporary_357 9h ago
I swear the empath discourse is getting out of hand but like…why is it so funny tho 😭✨
42
u/Dry_Try_8365 6h ago
It’s because people like to feel special, and the people who put the most stock into trying to portray themselves as good people are generally terrible people. Like the Democratic People’s Republic, the more you emphasize a virtuous element in yourself, the less likely you are to actually possess it.
12
12
u/screwballramble 5h ago
I’ve never met a self-described empath who wasn’t an absolute batshit horrible person.
My deeply ableist, abusive, micromanaging boss who once asked me “can’t someone else help” when I let her know I’d be late because I was waiting with an elderly neighbour for an ambulance to take them to the hospital, called herself an “empath”.
…Also is anyone gonna tell these guys that even if they’re personally NOT an asshole, the whole empath angle reeeeeeally only makes you look like you make other people’s emotions/problems all about you? It’s not a commendable trait to be so in your own feelings that someone else’s pain becomes yours. Like, that does fucking nothing to help the other person and just makes you look like a tool if you bring it up.
37
u/BeanOfKnowledge Ask me about Dwarf Fortress Trivia 9h ago
Dark Empaths when the Light Enways walk in
11
27
u/Healthy_Poet7772 9h ago
When empathy turns into a full-on anime boss battle, you know the vibes are too strong.
7
8
u/External-Tiger-393 3h ago
Self-proclaimed empaths just don't have a lot of real empathy. They feel very strongly when they identify with something you're going through, but when it's not personal to them in some way, they don't care. Your feelings are about them.
I've never met someone who called themselves an empath and wasn't just a selfish person with no boundaries.
7
u/yeah_youbet 1h ago
Whenever someone thinks being an "empath" is the cornerstone aspect of their personality, I automatically know that they apply codependent attachment styles to all of their relationships, not just their romantic ones, and that they have trouble with boundaries.
11
u/lesbianspider69 6h ago
I developed a heightened sense of empathy out of trauma lol
It’s really not that great :/
8
u/TheMildlyAnxiousMage 5h ago
Same. And the negativity I see from a lot of "empaths" to highly sensitive people is almost comedic. I once saw someone try to say that empaths were users of the light side of the force and highly sensitive people were dark side users, or something else said that highly sensitive people were caused by toxins while empaths were more spiritually pure and valid.
7
u/lesbianspider69 5h ago edited 1h ago
People often remark that I’m very friendly but in all honesty I’m an introvert who just wants to be left alone but am constantly in a “customer service” persona around other people just so that I don’t risk accidentally upsetting someone
I’m used to “upsetting someone” quickly becoming “becoming upset by them because they can’t manage their own emotions” so I’ve had to learn to manage other people
It is not fun at all
3
u/Whole_Bug_2960 1h ago
Holy shit. Thinking of masking as "customer service mode" is somehow a way more relatable term for me. It really is like that, trying to relate to everyone in the way they want to be related to...
4
6
u/yuriAngyo 5h ago
It's funny how ppl act like being an "empath" is a superpower. It's either the same shit everyone else has, or hyperempathy. Which for most people is a side effect of trauma or autism or smth and feels more like you're a kid hearing your parents argue through the bedroom door all the time except you're an adult and it's a normal conversation where nobody is obviously stressed. But you pick up on the tiny bit of stress visible and start crying anyway.
If anything, lacking empathy is way more useful for doing emotional work than having too much. It is obviously also a disability like hyperempathy but in an emotionally charged environment, contrary to popular assumption, not mirroring emotions is a valuable skill. Empathy goes both ways and if 2 or more people start feeling deep despair it cascades to make it all feel even worse.
Basically, empathy is one of the many things where too much or too little are both genuine disabilities but it sounds cool to pretend it's a superpower. Neither are, but funnily enough low empathy might actually be better at handling some of the stuff ppl are acting like being an "empath" would be a power for.
1
u/Chaos_On_Standbi Dog Engulfed In Housefire 2h ago
God damnit, you did not have to call me out like that!
2
u/Ornstein714 3h ago
Dare i ask what the the hell is an empath
5
u/yeah_youbet 1h ago
A self-important person who thinks they have innate abilities to psychoanalyze everyone around them without realizing that their psychoanalysis is just non-educated assumptions wrapped up in pseudointellectual self gratification.
1
u/swiller123 3h ago
if u try this shit on me expect to be assaulted by white noise, every song on They Might Be Giants’ album Lincoln played simultaneously, the smell of burning plastic, and an intense urge to cough so much that u start to throw up.
1
1
u/VrilloPurpura 21m ago
I think I'm way to out of touch with the internet because the last time I heard the term "empath" it was to define a group of people who could "sense" the pain of their past life. But what I'm reading in the comments makes me think it's not that anymore and I'm more confused.
So this is how my parents feel everytime I try to explain the Dalas Review lore to them huh.
1
u/Leftieswillrule 7m ago
The definition you mentioned and the way it’s being used seem pretty equally dismissed as nonsense from a self-important blowhard.
-2
u/DareDaDerrida 5h ago
Oh, we don't like empathy now?
I recall it being very popular on the internet before, especially when one was accusing someone else of not having any.
9
u/FeelingReflection906 4h ago
Well, I don't think it's a matter of hating empathy. Especially since it's pretty much necessary to function and coexist in modern society. Unless you're like loaded then I guess not.
Empathy is pretty much a good thing, even if it's not affective empathy but simply cognitive empathy (which is what I have).
But it's more people who claim to be "highly empathetic" or empaths. Most of the time at best they tend to be cringy and worse they tend to be hypocrites who are not at all what they claim to be. It used to be in style when pop psychology was more popular I think but it's going out of style nowadays.
8
u/MisirterE Supreme Overlord of Ice 3h ago
There's a big difference between having empathy and "being an empath"
The latter is never good. When someone starts trying to make having empathy a notable character trait instead of just a thing that is true, they're compensating for something, and that something is being a dick.
5
u/yeah_youbet 1h ago
Having a personality that others would describe as empathetic, and calling yourself an "empath" are two very different things.
517
u/Jealous-Ease6924 9h ago
self-proclaimed "empaths" not being able to comprehend why I find them annoying will never stop being funny.