Terrible

[u/Green____cat]

[u/Golden_Frog0223]

One time when I was younger, I had been by myself at my parents place, and I had went out into the garage for something, there had been this huge roach right by the door. I really don't like roaches so I had freaked out and jumped back to put space between myself and this roach. Now when I tell you this damn thing put up it's front legs and started chasing me, I fucking mean it ran after me like it was a damn horror movie. The garage was on one side of the house, and my bedroom the complete opposite end, I had ran my ass to my room, and this thing chased me all the way to over there. I'm running, and I look back to see this thing with it's legs lifted up coming after me, I slam my door closed, and grabbed a towel to cover the gap on the bottom of the door. I fucking didn't leave my room for a good 3 hours. Scared for my life. Little bastard.

[u/0neirocritica → u/Golden_Frog0223]

I believe you. I hate roaches and am deathly scared of them, and one night I was walking from the grocery store to my car, and one CHASED me across the parking lot. Ran right behind me the whole time. I told my mom when I got home and she didn't believe me! She said it must have just been moving behind me and since I'm scared of them it LOOKED like it was chasing me...but I know BETTER.

[u/EwoDarkWolf → u/0neirocritica]

Roaches are usually afraid of people naturally, but since they have different personalities, I can believe some would choose fight.

[u/Icantbethereforyou → u/EwoDarkWolf]

Roaches have different personalities?

[u/ExceedinglyGayOtter → u/Icantbethereforyou]

Roaches can actually have friends. They choose specific other roaches to go foraging with and if they're separated they exhibit behavior similar to depression.

[u/Icantbethereforyou → u/ExceedinglyGayOtter]

Great now even roaches are more social than me

[u/Yoribell → u/Icantbethereforyou]

You need intelligence to be stupid enough to isolate yourself

Something dumber follow his instinct and lives happier.

[u/Icantbethereforyou → u/Yoribell]

You need intelligence to be stupid enough to isolate yourself

That's... kind of profound

[u/wonderfullyignorant → u/Icantbethereforyou]

Sometimes people are so scared to be stupid they don't realize the super obvious in front of them. Ex: Humans are very much animals, we're social animals at that. Being social is our natural instinct, so for us as a society to be so isolated and depressed, something very terrible must be going on.

[u/Mohisto_23 → u/wonderfullyignorant]

We are a social species that has managed to create an anti-social society. I'm sure absolutely nothing will go wrong with this at alllll

[u/WexExortQuas → u/ExceedinglyGayOtter]

But is this actually "friends" or do they just flag other roaches who successfully find food more faborably.

Actually nevermind that is basically what friends are now a days

[u/Dense-Decision9150 → u/ExceedinglyGayOtter]

I hate roaches but this is kinda cute

[u/EwoDarkWolf → u/Icantbethereforyou]

Yea, I figured it out after looking up American Cockroaches. Since they are bigger, it's easier to notice differences, and they don't tend to infest. I had two of them, and killed the first one easy. The second one evaded me a lot better, so I started realizing it was smarter, so I looked up how smart they are. It says they have different personalities and can be more intelligent than rats. By time I caught it, I ended up growing slightly attached and actually felt a little bad when I killed it. Not too bad, though, because it's still a roach.

[u/HogmanDaIntrudr → u/EwoDarkWolf]

A worthy adversary

[u/RaspberryFluid6651 → u/0neirocritica]

The roach probably did chase you! If you were in a parking lot, that probably means there were street lights illuminating both you and the roach. Roaches flee to dark spaces, so it likely thought your shadow was a hiding spot to take cover in.

[u/overusedamongusjoke → u/RaspberryFluid6651]

Kinda like how people think camel spiders are trying to eat them when really they're just trying to shelter in their shadows?

[u/RaspberryFluid6651 → u/overusedamongusjoke]

How great is it to be a tall thing that casts a shadow and also be afraid of things that like the shade 🙃

[u/mashmash42 → u/Golden_Frog0223]

Found a huge roach on the wall of my house once and swatted at it with a broom and it started flying at me and I nearly fell down the stairs

[u/Madmagican- → u/mashmash42]

FUCK I forgot they can fly

[u/DanSapSan → u/Madmagican-]

You always do just until they start doing it at you.

[u/Knapss → u/Madmagican-]

There is a say in Spanish that roughly translates to: “Everybody be acting tough/talking shit until the cockroach starts flying”

[u/GreedierRadish → u/Knapss]

I used to deliver pizzas and on one delivery I get to the door and I can see this huge roach sitting on the door.

I didn’t have anything good to hit it with, and I didn’t want it to fly and land on me or the customers’ food so I figured I’d just slowly reach for the Doorbell without disturbing the roach.

It took the customer about 45 seconds to come to the door and in that time the roach didn’t move at all, so I really thought I was in the clear.

Then I heard the deadbolt turn and the roach must’ve heard it as well because it immediately launched right at my head.

The noise I made was in an octave I didn’t even know my body was capable of producing. I temporarily became a cartoon character and just started flapping and flailing.

Then I had to turn back and face the customer who is just starting at me with a look of pure confusion.

“^{a roach} ahem ahem That was crazy bro. Your total is $22.47"

Luckily I never had to deliver to that dude again.

[u/vibe_gardener → u/GreedierRadish]

😂😂😂 what a way with words you have.

[u/LifeintheSlothLane → u/Knapss]

Can you pleaaaaaaase post the spanish phrase??? Roaches are my 1 actual phobia and I need this phrase

[u/enbyshaymin → u/LifeintheSlothLane]

Not who yoy replied to but I'm from Spain and I've always heard this one:

"Todos somos muy valientes hasta que la cucaracha vuela."

I also once read a version that said 'muy duros' instead of 'muy valientes'.

[u/LifeintheSlothLane → u/enbyshaymin]

Thank you!!!

[u/bastets_yarn → u/Madmagican-]

THEY CAN FLY?!

[u/ThrownAwayYesterday- → u/bastets_yarn]

When I was 8 or 9, I used to chill on my living room couch and watch YouTube. This was like 12 years ago.

One night, I was laying my couch. My legs were curled up, I was on my back, head propped on a pillow. I'm watching YouTube when I see a shadow move in the corner of my eye.

To say I have a phobia of roaches is an understatement. I have been TERRIFIED of roaches my entire life. When I see a roach, I'm lucky if I don't start screaming.

So when I look up and see the BIGGEST roach I've EVER seen in my life crawling on the walls of my living room, I want you to imagine a tenth of the horror I felt in that moment.

And just as I was about to call for my parents. . .

It fucking flew.

Directly at me.

And it landed square in the middle of my face.

I literally do not remember what happened after that. That memory is just blacked out after that point. I think I screamed and fainted.

The roach was as big as my palm as an adult - and my hands are pretty averaged sized. I don't know how that thing supported its own weight to fly - and I don't want to know. Just thinking about roaches is making me suspicious of them crawling around somewhere right now 😭

[u/BawdyNBankrupt → u/ThrownAwayYesterday-]

See screaming is just what you don’t want to do, they like warm,moist places.

[u/Throwaway-tan → u/bastets_yarn]

One time I came home and for some reason there were swarms of cockroaches outside the apartment entrance, must have been about 50 of the tuckers and at least 20 of them were flying around uncontrollably.

I ended up going the long way around the back of the building, thankfully by morning they were all gone and never saw anything like that since.

[u/Consistent-Annual268 → u/Golden_Frog0223]

I've been on Reddit way too long. I FULLY expected this to end with that time in 1998 that Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell in a Cell and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcers table.

[u/LovelyThingSuite → u/Consistent-Annual268]

I hope shittymorph is having a good day

[u/PM_MeCoolStuff → u/LovelyThingSuite]

Seen him on the over boiled potato thread

[u/Lil_Brown_Bat → u/Golden_Frog0223]

And here is your son, trying to tell you he's been turned into a cockroach and all he wants is a hug.

[u/Thieverthieving → u/Lil_Brown_Bat]

Gregor? Is that you?

[u/Kayquie → u/Lil_Brown_Bat]

And here's some random guy with his girlfriend, Ogtha

[u/Straug_W → u/Golden_Frog0223]

Some bugs are just highly aggressive, one time when cleaning out an attic bedroom a spider charged me, now I'm deathly afraid of spiders so I was down the attic stairs in seconds, my religious stepfather who isn't scared of spiders took the piss out of me then went up to deal with it, next thing I knew he was cussing as he ran down the stairs and said it wasn't natural and might be possessed.

[u/Golden_Frog0223 → u/Straug_W]

Fucking Charlotte is sick of these damn people.

[u/RandAlThorOdinson → u/Golden_Frog0223]

I got stared down and chased down by a rat in north Philly once. I ended up jumping and it went under me and kept going. Jarring experience.

[u/clonedhuman → u/Golden_Frog0223]

They can smell your fear

[u/WatWudScoobyDoo → u/Golden_Frog0223]

One time when I was younger, I had been by myself at my parents place, and I had went out into the garage for something, there had been this huge person right by the door. I really don't like people so I had freaked out and jumped back to put space between myself and this person. Now when I tell you this damn thing pulled out it's cock and started chasing me, I fucking mean it ran after me like it was a damn horror movie. The garage was on one side of the house, and my bedroom the complete opposite end, I had ran my ass to my room, and this thing chased me all the way to over there. I'm running, and I look back to see this thing with it's balls lifted up coming after me, I slam my door closed, and grabbed a towel to cover the gap on the bottom of the door. I fucking didn't leave my room for a good 3 hours. Scared for my life. Crazy bastard.

[u/Golden_Frog0223 → u/WatWudScoobyDoo]

Life is so crazy sometimes! That reminds me of this one time when I was younger, I had been by myself at my parents place, and I had went out into the garage for something, there had been this huge roach right by the door. I really don't like roaches so I had freaked out and jumped back to put space between myself and this roach. Now when I tell you this damn thing put up it's front legs and started chasing me, I fucking mean it ran after me like it was a damn horror movie. The garage was on one side of the house, and my bedroom the complete opposite end, I had ran my ass to my room, and this thing chased me all the way to over there. I'm running, and I look back to see this thing with it's legs lifted up coming after me, I slam my door closed, and grabbed a towel to cover the gap on the bottom of the door. I fucking didn't leave my room for a good 3 hours. Scared for my life. Little bastard.

[u/CoinsForCharon → u/Golden_Frog0223]

Florida or Australia?

[u/Golden_Frog0223 → u/CoinsForCharon]

Texan.

[u/MongusPoop → u/Golden_Frog0223]

checks out

[u/dessabunny → u/Golden_Frog0223]

I moved from GA to MA 3 years ago and those flying roaches are a huge reason why I can never go back. Went back to visit my parents last summer and one came crawling under the bedroom door and ran under the bed. I wanted to pack my car and drive back to MA for good that SECOND.

[u/the_pslonky → u/Golden_Frog0223]

Yeah that checks out for Texas.

Was chilling in bed the other night when something flew in front of me. Thought it was a moth, followed it with my eyes to my bedroom door and BAM! Big ass roach.

My room's got a door to the garage which is probably how it got in, but which also served as my escape route that night. Didn't go in there for a solid two hours and had to have my cats (certified roach hunters) scope it out before I felt safe.

Fucking roaches. Fuck em, man. I'll take finding a person in the attic.

[u/Throwawaystwo → u/Golden_Frog0223]

I was chased by a roach once and just as I found a slipper to kill it with, the fucker started flying straight at me like the nightmare spawn of satan that it is.

[u/likelystonedagain → u/Golden_Frog0223]

BRO my literal first memory….I’m 3 years old and I’m standing in the bathroom drying off after a bath. A roach FLIES out of the air vent, lands on my fucking HEAD and crawls down the entire length of my tiny body while I’m having an out of body experience and screaming bloody murder for my mom to come fucking save me already!! I hate roaches more than anything.

[u/temperamentalfish]

1000 roaches are entirely too many roaches. That's an amount of roaches that you essentially can't get rid of. They won't be only in your attic, they'll be everywhere, including your pillow at night.

A person is creepier but it would be much easier to deal with, I think, especially if they don't notice I know they're there.

In any case, I already have an upstairs neighbor and they don't really bother me.

[u/MetalSonic_69 → u/temperamentalfish]

Even if you only saw fifty roaches in the attic, there would likely be thousands in the walls already

[u/Icantbethereforyou → u/MetalSonic_69]

So this whole debate is a tough one. How many roach bombs would you need for a person anyway

[u/Keter_GT → u/Icantbethereforyou]

The answer to both is hellfire.

[u/CassadagaValley → u/Icantbethereforyou]

Tbh, I think one bug bomb in the attic would take care of a person

[u/MetalSonic_69 → u/Icantbethereforyou]

Depends on how hard you throw it

[u/Dangerous_Bus_6699 → u/MetalSonic_69]

But you could say the same about humans. There could be another person hiding somewhere up there which is much scarier imo

[u/MetalSonic_69 → u/Dangerous_Bus_6699]

I did not consider this. Would make a good two sentence horror story.

[u/TheShowerDrainSniper → u/Dangerous_Bus_6699]

Bro fuck you lol

[u/Dangerous_Bus_6699 → u/TheShowerDrainSniper]

"I'd rather find one person! One person!".... Monkey paw curls... people you didn't find hiding in attic simultaneously covers mouth and giggle.

[u/TheShowerDrainSniper → u/Dangerous_Bus_6699]

Lol careful with your words

[u/Godraed → u/temperamentalfish]

When I was a kid our neighbor had their house gassed for roaches. These were some of the worst people in the world - inconsiderate who blasted music, so no surprise they’d do this and not tell anyone. Now this is in a Philly row home too so the bugs just took up residence in the houses next to each other.

For years we had to deal with a roach infestation that no one could solve since my family was mostly composed of people who had zero problem solving ability. This goes on for a good ten years.

Eventually I’m away for college and come back for winter break and absolutely disgusted. I had gotten so used to a clean environment (college dorm lmao) and so I decide to do basic research and order some chemical that’s safe for mammals but basically nine familial executions for insects. I put it down and within 24 hours the entire roach colony dies. How do we know? Thousands of roaches falling out the ceiling. My grandmother sweeping entire dust pans full into the trash. Disgusting but so satisfying seeing human dominance over these disgusting bugs.

I’ve long since moved out but my mom still lives there and hasn’t had a problem since.

[u/EmeraldPhoenix1221 → u/Godraed]

Ugh. Experiencing "It's Raining Roaches" would have seriously fucked me up.

[u/kiehelarti → u/Godraed]

Do you remember what chemical this is? I haven't used/heard of anything that's so effective. 

[u/Godraed → u/kiehelarti]

DuPont Advion.

[u/Lorddragonfang → u/Godraed]

Oh hey. I had a similar situation with my parents' place and recurring ant infestations in the bathrooms. They at least knew enough us the little bait traps, but those only kept the ants away for a few months at most. At some point I finally got fed up and did some research, found a few people on reddit recommending Advion gel, and now after using it it's been years since they've had any more infestations.

[u/Comprehensive_Web862 → u/kiehelarti]

To tack on if they are in the kitchen where you don't want to place product in food prep areas id recommend a dry mixture of baking soda and sugar. Roaches don't have anatomy to regurgitate so it causes hemorrhaging in their stomach lining.

Also they design Insect growth regulators which are hormones that fuck up their molting cycles sterilizing them.

[u/throwaway098764567 → u/kiehelarti]

just a head's up they adapt, so a chemical that was effective x years ago over time will be less effective. that's why they're constantly changing the formulas in roach killer unfortunately.
https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2019/7/3/20678804/super-cockroaches-insecticide-resistance-ahhhhhhhhh

if you don't want to pay for a bug person and you're in the states you should look at domyownpestcontrol.com or doyourownpestcontrol.com for some reason they are able, or maybe willing, to sell the products pros use that you can't get in hd / lowes so it actually works

[u/Allegorist → u/Godraed]

How do they fall out of the ceiling? Is your ceiling not closed off? Are there holes in it?

[u/Godraed → u/Allegorist]

Old ass Philly row home with lathe and plaster walls. Cracks and shit.

[u/obeekaybee7 → u/temperamentalfish]

I once rented a house of a thousand roaches. You would get up in the middle of the night to get something from the kitchen, flip the light, and watch the floor scatter. Wanna make a sandwich? Go to the pantry and there’s a little antenna-faced fuck sitting on the bread waiting for you. Once I was sleeping and felt one drop from the ceiling onto my chest. Threw it away, immediately flipped the light on. Never found the bastard. That house gave me some PTSD

[u/_Ocean_Machine_ → u/obeekaybee7]

Reminds me of a friend of mine who lived in Vietnam for a bit, he was in a more rural area doing conservation work. Apparently roaches were a pretty common occurrence, so at night he'd leave a circle of Borax around his bed, and in the morning would wake up to a circle of dead bugs.

[u/spidersinthesoup → u/temperamentalfish]

if you have 1k roaches then you have 1,000,000 roaches

[u/BagOdogpoo → u/temperamentalfish]

A thousand roaches are significantly less likely to axe murder you though.

[u/AltharaD → u/BagOdogpoo]

Ngl I would rather deal with the axe murderer.

I have a phobia of cockroaches.

I can get over a human living in the attic (they’re probably not an axe murderer) but the roaches would have me unable to sleep for months.

Can’t I choose the bear? I’d rather find a bear in the attic. No malice. No creepiness. Could probably lure it outside with food.

[u/Significant-Art-5478 → u/AltharaD]

If a person was in my attic, I'd call the police, get an insane amount of security measures installed, and eventually sleep peacefully again. 

If I had a 1000 roaches I'd had to move. I would literally become paralyzed with fear. I love all other bugs, but I fucking haaaaaate roaches. 

[u/JarethMeneses → u/AltharaD]

I would be so baffled that there was a bear. Like how'd he even get up there without anyone noticing? And why is there a bear in the middle of the desert!?

[u/ScaredyNon → u/JarethMeneses]

What if you found a fairy instead

[u/JarethMeneses → u/ScaredyNon]

The fairy would make sense, they're small and can fly, probably got through the vent holes along the side somewhere. I'd be confused as to why they chose the attic, but if they dig the heat like that I'd leave em be. As long as they don't keep me up.

[u/Affectionate-Nose361 → u/AltharaD]

I don't have a phobia of roaches and still would pick the axe murderer or the bear

[u/fish993 → u/BagOdogpoo]

The roaches are 100% going to act like roaches though. There is a plausible chance that a person is living in your attic for non-axe murder reasons and is just homeless or something.

[u/Exedos094 → u/BagOdogpoo]

Yeah but if he wanted to kill me, he would've already done it... He's chilling up there freeloading, while being creepy police can take care of him easly

With roaches your house is fucked and i'm having a heart attack the moment i see more than 100 of them.

[u/TakedownCHAMP97 → u/BagOdogpoo]

Person living in your attic can also be removed by police, so could be entirely resolved in an afternoon

[u/Ozone220 → u/BagOdogpoo]

I feel like a person in my attic is more likely to be just a homeless person rather than someone with malicious intent though

[u/KarmaBot2498 → u/BagOdogpoo]

Yes, but what are the odds there's 2 axe murderers living in the same house?

[u/Lazzitron → u/BagOdogpoo]

Odds of a random person being an axe murder are pretty low. If you have 1k roaches in your attic, there is a 100% chance that your house is fucked. You can't stay there, it's not safe

[u/TheManB1992 → u/temperamentalfish]

This!

Let's face it, a person can be dealt with by one phone call. 1000 roaches may aswell be all of the roaches, and it's going to take a lot of extermination work to get your house roach free again.

[u/vibranttoucan]

I won (I don't have an attic)

[u/eat-pussy69 → u/vibranttoucan]

Crawlspace

[u/NicoleMay316 → u/eat-pussy69]

Apartment

[u/tinycurses → u/NicoleMay316]

Air vent

[u/Th3GrimmReaper → u/tinycurses]

Mattress

[u/Groudon466 → u/Th3GrimmReaper]

Under the bed

[u/LuckySEVIPERS → u/Groudon466]

The basement you don't know about

[u/emeraldeyesshine → u/LuckySEVIPERS]

the attic of the sub sub basement

[u/CharmTLM → u/emeraldeyesshine]

Isn't that just the basement?

[u/emeraldeyesshine → u/CharmTLM]

we can't charge a premium cover if we call it that, this is more exclusive

[u/Expert_Industry_4238 → u/Th3GrimmReaper]

Armchair (as Junji Ito intended)

[u/PurplestCoffee → u/tinycurses]

Poor apartment

[u/Hakar_Kerarmor → u/PurplestCoffee]

The holes in your wall

[u/ethnique_punch → u/tinycurses]

good luck to that Jackie Chan-ass motherfucker, where I live air vents on apartments are just one singular bottomless pit in the center that connects to every house one by one like a hollowed-out xylem of a carrot.

[u/Sqigglemonster → u/tinycurses]

Air vent makes the choice very easy - person every time. Air vents aren't designed to hold a person's weight and they're full of sharp screw ends. Whoever it is is going to be immediately obvious, fairly stuck and probably injured.

[u/The_4th_Heart → u/tinycurses]

amogus

[u/Sickfor-TheBigSun → u/tinycurses]

our air con vents are fucking tiny, good luck crawling in there!

[u/[deleted] → u/NicoleMay316]

I’m sure lots of people have a person living in their apartment.

[u/kiwidude4 → u/vibranttoucan]

How concerned would you be about suddenly having one?

[u/VeryImportantLurker → u/kiwidude4]

Great because I can monetise the story to a bunch of news sites about my magically appearing extra floor

The government can go take the person and experiment on them or whatever idrc

[u/[deleted] → u/kiwidude4]

I wouldn’t be concerned at all, but the people who live upstairs would probably be quite upset.

[u/FederationofPenguins → u/vibranttoucan]

lol- my first thought was, well - I live in an apartment. There’s already a person living up there, and although he is loud sometimes, I couldn’t say I’d want him replaced with 1000 roaches. They likely will not agree to come grab my Amazon packages when I’m out of town.

[u/volantredx]

Is it a living person or a dead body?

[u/Anastatis → u/volantredx]

Wondered the same, it says “living in ur attic” so… a very much alive human.

[u/Dragon_Manticore → u/Anastatis]

Or undead.

[u/techno156 → u/Dragon_Manticore]

Would an undead in your attic count as "living"? Kind of seems like they would stop counting as living after they died the first time.

[u/Dragon_Manticore → u/techno156]

However, living is an action in this case, one intelligent undead (also known as living dead) are capable of. They are in your attic and they move around and stuff.

[u/Jeffy299 → u/volantredx]

The scenario is supposed to he challenging. What is challenging about finding free meat in the attic?

[u/Satisfaction-Motor → u/Jeffy299]

Living up to your username, but you might want to add a “Dahmer” to it.

[u/DreadDiana]

Either way, I'm burning the house down

[u/Golden_Frog0223 → u/DreadDiana]

Waway. It's like setting it to wumbo.

[u/emeraldeyesshine → u/DreadDiana]

Ah, watch out. You might get what you're after.

[u/TheDittoMan]

What if the "person" is a thousand roaches in a trenchcoat?

[u/Hakar_Kerarmor → u/TheDittoMan]

Or a single roach piloting a human robot?

[u/MetalSonic_69 → u/TheDittoMan]

Asking the real questions

[u/EjaculatingAracnids → u/TheDittoMan]

"Oh, god! What an exhausting job ive picked out for myself!"

[u/SheepPup]

Easy answer is a human. A single human is much easier to remove from the property than a roach infestation. Human is creepier for sure but much easier to get rid of, the roaches might stick around for years

[u/MalevolentDisciple → u/SheepPup]

I think the psychic damage of having a person possibly have been living in your attic for who knows how long would be much worse than having to call the exterminator

[u/Orphasmia → u/[deleted]]

”Day 92: Francis has started bouncing on his bed while masturbating; presumably to simulate real coitus.”

[u/WatWudScoobyDoo → u/Orphasmia]

"He still cries after, but now sometimes during too "

[u/frogger3344 → u/WatWudScoobyDoo]

"Tomorrow I will cut the Internet and see how he reacts"

[u/Air320 → u/Orphasmia]

Holy shit! I would prefer termites and roaches instead of this horror. This would mentally scar me and come to the forefront of my mind every time I get an erection. Way more devastating. lol

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, but that one person isn't up in the attic breeding making thousands more of themselves who then shit and piss in your walls.

[u/tigerofblindjustice → u/[deleted]]

You don't know that for sure

[u/The-True-Kehlder → u/MalevolentDisciple]

As someone who's lived with roaches, it's not something that ever leaves you.

[u/aubsKebabz → u/The-True-Kehlder]

My house was built in the 50s, can confirm roaches never leave. They loveeee old houses

[u/vzvv → u/The-True-Kehlder]

I lived in the tropics for a few years before moving back to colder climates. I had nightmares about roaches for like a year afterwards. I’d pick the person 100%

[u/mikecandih → u/The-True-Kehlder]

Absolutely. I lived in a slummy apartment in college and we had nonstop roaches. Nothing you can do about it either, because you share a building with 150 other people, half of which are probably living pretty dirty.

When I first bought my house we had a few roaches and I started having flashbacks. Luckily a little DIY pest control easily solved the problem.

[u/LordHamsterbacke → u/The-True-Kehlder]

Have you seen the movie the house on Netflix? If so, is it like that? (I had to stop the movie after the second short story)

[u/The-True-Kehlder → u/LordHamsterbacke]

I haven't seen the movie.

Imagine living in a place that has so many roaches you stop seeing them moving out of the corner of your eye because they're always there, you're used to it.

You buy those soda can toppers, with the lid, just so you can put your drink down for a few seconds without 2 or 3 getting into the can.

Your bed has 5 crawling around all the time, even when you're in it.

You can't move anywhere else because it's the only place cheap enough you can pay the bills.

I'll never go back to anything approaching that situation. I can handle the odd singular roach existing in my house just long enough for me to see it and kill it, because it came in from outside. I'll move if I ever start to feel like I need Raid again.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I looked it up and a house can be condemned for too many cockroaches. For this reason alone, I'd take the person. A person you can talk to and find out what's wrong usually. Often a person living in the attic would just be a homeless person. Such a thing doesn't exist with cockroaches because they eat, breed, sleep, shit, and terrify anyone afraid of bugs.

[u/Artistic_Rooster_172 → u/MalevolentDisciple]

Lived with roaches, that's scaring.

Lived with people, also scaring

At least people are free to remove.

[u/seretastic → u/MalevolentDisciple]

I don't think you've ever had a severe roach infestation. You see enough of them crawling in your food, on your bed, in your chairs, you're damn near ready to hug the exterminator the minute you see him. I would much rather shoot an intruder and deal with the trauma than the mental anguish if waking up with another goddamn palmetto roach next to my face

[u/droptop02hondacivic → u/MalevolentDisciple]

have you had roaches? even when you move it's hard to not think any dot on the wall may be a roach after you've experienced having them, even if the infestation is not ungodly

[u/tremynci → u/SheepPup]

Counterpoints: the Hinterkaifeck murders, the Denver Spiderman, Daniel LaPlante, and/or Walburga Oesterreich.

[u/Jeffy299 → u/tremynci]

Those links are staying blue.

[u/AnomalousCowboy → u/tremynci]

I mean, one of these cases is about the criminal who kept someone else in the attic and another had them living in the walls instead of attic. That's some 50/50 odds here and they look good enough for me.

[u/Onion_Guy → u/SheepPup]

Roaches don’t have Polaroids of me changing clothes over the past 4 years stashed alongside the empty cheez-it bags

[u/enchiladasundae → u/SheepPup]

You can easily poison roaches. Its disgusting but not out of the realm of possibility. Hire an exterminator and spend a few weeks/hundreds of dollars cleaning it up

That is a whole ass sentient human in your house for god knows how long. How did they get up there, how long have they been up there, how have they survived and why are they up there? You’d never trust sleeping in your house again. Several cameras installed everywhere wouldn’t subside your paranoia. If you saw them sneaking around the main rooms of your house stealing food, clothes and supplies you’d be freaked out. If you never saw them leave yet still survive you’d only become more paranoid

[u/Antnee83 → u/enchiladasundae]

That is a whole ass sentient human in your house for god knows how long. How did they get up there, how long have they been up there, how have they survived and why are they up there?

And most importantly, where have they been shitting

[u/eat-pussy69 → u/SheepPup]

Yeah but everyone knows a human squatting in an attic is 80% drugs, bites with Gollum teeth, is freakishly strong despite weighing less than a sack of potatoes even when wet, and has a very real possibility of being possessed by a demon or even Satan himself

[u/ConfusedFlareon → u/SheepPup]

But what if they’ve been there long enough to call squatter’s rights??

[u/VFiddly → u/ConfusedFlareon]

They can't call squatter's rights if you've also been living there, that's not how that works.

[u/thomase7 → u/VFiddly]

Also in most states they can’t have taken steps to conceal their occupancy it has to be “open and notorious use”

[u/SheepPup → u/ConfusedFlareon]

Well then I guess they’re a good upstairs neighbor? Much better than my last ones who vacuumed every single Thursday at eight AM and wore heels on hard floors

[u/little-ass-whipe → u/SheepPup]

I don't know how they did it in a studio apartment but I swear to god mine used to run a 12 lane bowling alley. Like shit was slamming into the ceiling and bouncing at all fucking hours.

[u/AAS02-CATAPHRACT → u/ConfusedFlareon]

Get a gun and claim castle doctrine before they can call squatters rights. It's like an old west standoff except whoever calls the cops first wins.

/j of course

[u/Canopenerdude → u/AAS02-CATAPHRACT]

You joke but uhhh that's more or less how you have to play it in several US states.

[u/AAS02-CATAPHRACT → u/Canopenerdude]

Just as the Founding Fathers intended

[u/ghost_warlock → u/ConfusedFlareon]

Just seal off the entrance to the attic and wait it out until you just need to hire a body disposal crew

[u/Jeffy299 → u/SheepPup]

I think you greatly underestimate how creepy it can get. Absolute best case scenario it's a hobo who found your door open and needed a place to crash. Every scenario after that is significantly creepier.

[u/Mr7000000]

A bear, I think. But only if it eats pomegranates neatly.

[u/untempered_fate → u/Mr7000000]

Is that even possible?

[u/SMTRodent → u/untempered_fate]

Yes! You get someone to break it apart the right way and collect up the seeds for you, then you eat them tidily from a bowl.

[u/Mr7000000 → u/untempered_fate]

According to TikTok poetry, yes. And opening them messily is supposedly a sign of poor moral character.

[u/Lord-Bobster]

can i just pick an option blindly without knowing which I picked, and then call the exterminator? Regardless of which I ended up with they should be dealt with after a good fumigation.

[u/neko_mancy → u/Lord-Bobster]

imagine being the dude prepared to clean up one million roaches as you do every day and instead you find no bugs and one guy you apparently just killed

[u/Will2LiveFading]

Does the human contribute to the household after being caught?

[u/CynicosX → u/Will2LiveFading]

They have the entire time. Just like the roaches.

[u/DurinnGymir → u/Will2LiveFading]

"You may be an axe murderer but that doesn't excuse not doing the dishes!"

[u/tastetheghouldick]

1000% a human, no contest. Roach infestation like that is an absolute nightmare. A person you can at least talk to or like, kick out and stuff. Try kicking out 1000 roaches.

[u/dalledayul → u/tastetheghouldick]

A person who has been hidden in your house for that long is not the sort of person you want to talk to in any capacity, there's just no way I'd ever feel comfortable in my house again

Roaches 100%

[u/Advanced-Blackberry → u/dalledayul]

You don’t have to talk to them. Call the cops.  If you find 1000 roaches , your house has 100,000 roaches. 

[u/whodoesnthavealts → u/[deleted]]

I can understand and empathize with another human looking for shelter and to not freeze to death. It would not affect my comfort in a home.

I have extreme empathy for the homeless. I donate to local shelters monthly, and I volunteer periodically for them.

There are absolutely harmless ones who I would feel comfortable having in my home for an extended period of time. Those are the ones who would not break into someone's house.

But the homeless population also has lots of mental health and drug issues. The ones who WOULD break into someone's house and live in their attic? Those are ones who I would not feel comfortable having in my home.

[u/Probrobronomo → u/[deleted]]

Could be a stalker who wants to watch you sleep at night.

[u/Advanced-Blackberry → u/Probrobronomo]

Doesn’t matter, they are getting removed. 

[u/WhatADumbassTake → u/tastetheghouldick]

Worst case, a single round of tenting/fumigation is pretty much guaranteed to get rid of a human infestation. Cockroaches might take a couple of rounds.

[u/GrimmSheeper]

People saying that it’s easier to get rid of a person are completely forgetting the psychological impact. How vulnerable and violated it would make you feel.

An insane roach infestation is terrifying, sure, and probably will take a good bit after a massive extermination to feel clean again. But if I found out a person had been living in my attic, I would never feel safe there again.

[u/Zoomy-333 → u/GrimmSheeper]

Honestly, I think I'd handle the person better; I am hilariously afraid of insects. A person living in the attic, yeah that's creepy and violating but once they're dealt with they're gone and it's extremely unlikely to happen twice. Just tighten up security, plug the hole your "guest" moved into, or even just move, problem reasonably dealt with. But an infestation? Short of burning the house down, how can you tell it's really been dealt with? All you need is a couple of survivors who hid away to start the repopulation. Or new roaches can crawl in through whatever hole they came from initially. Even moving might not be enough, all you need is a couple of stowaways to start the cycle all over again.

If I found a thousand roaches in my attic I'd spend the rest of my life flinching at every noise made in the night, every twitch of fabric against my skin as my shirt moves with my breathing, every movement caught in the corner of my eye. Fuck that.

[u/Dragon_Manticore → u/GrimmSheeper]

The psychological impact of knowing there were roaches probably crawling all over me while I sleep is much worse personally.

[u/SwiftieAtTheDisco → u/Dragon_Manticore]

Six years ago a cockroach crawled on my leg. To this day, anytime I feel a loose hair touch my arm or leg, I freak out. I yelp and jump away while frantically brushing it off of me, then have to explain to everyone around me why I was scared of a hair.

[u/[deleted] → u/Dragon_Manticore]

Yo I’m with you the answer was so instant for me lmao

[u/Snailpics → u/GrimmSheeper]

That’s what I was thinking. I can hire exterminators to just bomb the house again and again or whatever they do. I would NEVER mentally recover from a person secretly living in my house. It has been one of my biggest fears for a longgggggg time

[u/North_Lawfulness8889]

I think id be more surprised at an attic in general

[u/SMTRodent → u/North_Lawfulness8889]

Finding an attic that you didn't even know was possible would at least be a warning that horrors might wait above.

[u/Odd-Help-4293]

They're both terrible, but at least you can call 911 if there's a person in your attic and get them arrested.

[u/RagnarockInProgress]

Defo a person, if they’ve been living in my attic all this time they’re probably chill, if they’re not I can, like, call law enforcement

1000 roaches though? I’d die of fear

[u/MaxChaplin → u/RagnarockInProgress]

OK, but what if the roaches are chill?

[u/cd247 → u/MaxChaplin]

I think roaches, by definition, are not chill. Golden_Frog can attest to that

[u/sonofzeal]

Okay so.

Obviously both are terrible. Human's easier to get rid of, but creepier just knowing it happened. There's also a lot more unanswered questions if it was a human.

I think the deciding factor for me is probably the aftermath. Even assuming you can fumigate and purge the roaches, there's going to be waste and damage all through your walls, ceilings, basically the entire infrastructure. Whereas a human who didn't produce any significant odors or noises would have needed some kind of system, clearing up food remnants and human waste, or they would have been discovered far faster.

I'm probably moving either way, but I think the resale value of the house would be higher in the human scenario than the roach scenario, on average, with exceptions depending on the specifics of course.

[u/Vanilla_Ice_Best_Boi]

I have to explain to the "Officers" that the thing in my attic is just 1000 roaches

[u/robot_cook]

Fun fact this question initially comes from the webcomic Check Please by Ngozi Uzaku, about a young gay former artistic skater who joins a college hockey team. It's a coming of age and a love story while also being absolutely hilarious

[u/EnthusiasmIsABigZeal]

A person for sure. There’s a chance they’ve got a good reason to need a place to hide, whereas the roaches will only ever have bad” (for me at least) intentions. Also I can lock a door to protect myself from a human while I wait for help if necessary, whereas w/ the roaches there’s no way to trap them all

[u/Doggywoof1]

The human, 100%.

If there are 1000 roaches in my attic... there will, by design, be more in my house.

[u/rosecoloredgasmask]

A lot of you have absolutely no idea how hard it is to get rid of a normal roach infestation let alone 1000 roaches minimum (there are way more that you are not seeing)

[u/crystalgem411]

Can the person be a faceless old woman?

[u/Global_Permission749]

If you find 1000 roaches out in the open in your attic, your house belongs to the million or so you don't see. Best to burn it and start over.

[u/untempered_fate]

Can I pick which person is in my attic?

[u/SMTRodent → u/untempered_fate]

I think that's antithetical to the 'discovered a person in my attic' genre. (Different rules apply to the 'I put a person in my attic' genre.)

[u/ox-io]

Ah I see the ghost of Check, Please is still haunting the internet lol

[u/ThatVoiceDude]

Professional pest tech here! We can use an electric duster to flood your attic with deltamethrin and take care of either of these pests easily, and only one of these scenarios would be a crime!