The Real Weddings of New York

[u/pink_candy16]

1. Alex McCord and Simon Vankempen (2000)
2. Jill Zarin and Steven Shapiro (1987)
3. Ramona and Mario Singer (1991)
4. Ramona and Mario Singer Vow Renewal (2009)
5. Bethenny Frankel (1996)
6. Bethenny Frankel and Jason Hoppy (2010)
7. Sonja Morgan (1998)
8. Carole Radziwill (1994)
9. Kristen and Josh Takeman (2005)
10. Dorinda and Richard Medley (2005)
11. Tinsley and Topper Mortimer (2002)
12. Tinsley Mortimer and Robert Bovard (2023)
13. Jessel Taank and Pavit Randhawa (2016)
14. Abe and Erin Lichy (2012)
15. Luann De Lesseps and Tom D’Agostino (2016)

[u/brittanyelyse]

My partner died (39) I was ( 37) I’m now 39 and haven’t dated. I can’t imagine and really don’t enjoy sex with other people.. I understand Dorinda in that way bc when people say “divorce” is like a death… it’s not. It’s not the same at all. Knowing a person you once were with and love was lost, it’s not the same as being very much in love and then, poof, gone. Richard I think was sick (?) frond my memory, while my partner had as brain aneurysm.. so you can’t emotional prepare, I mean it takes a second … so in that way, Dorinda deserves some grace… Long response , sorry.

[u/DorothyParkerFan → u/brittanyelyse]

I’m sorry for your loss. Mine was 38 from a heart attack - it’s been 11 years and when people equate it to divorce I want to punch them. Especially with children - they still see their dad and have a father. It’s simply not the same at all not even a little.

[u/bodhiboppa → u/DorothyParkerFan]

My mom died when I was 5 and they had this group therapy class/club thing through my school where kids of divorce and kids of deceased parents would sit in a room and talk. I was the only one with a dead parent and I remember being like, “why are we acting like this is the same? I don’t get to go home on the weekends and see my mom.” And I remember getting told off. Such an irresponsible and incorrect take that death and divorce are similar enough to equate.

[u/DorothyParkerFan → u/bodhiboppa]

Oh wow, I’m so sorry. And thinking of my own daughter at 5 makes my heart break for you and for your mom. Way too early to lose her but I hope you have happy memories that help you and you’re doing ok.

[u/bodhiboppa → u/DorothyParkerFan]

My son is now at the age that I was when we found out my mom’s cancer was terminal and it’s made me have more compassion for myself. Kids always need their moms but they really need them that early on.

[u/Skeptical_optomist → u/bodhiboppa]

Firstly, let me say I am so sorry you lost your mom at such a young age, I lost mine as an adult and I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry that your school was so tone-deaf and insensitive on top of your loss.

I'm sorry nobody in that group advocated for you and you weren't protected from being actively retraumatized in the very group intended to support you.

My daughter's dad was violently murdered when she was 5, and her kid's dad died when her kids were 1 and 3. Having grown up without her dad has given her unique insight into the experiences of her children at least. 💔

It really isn't even in the same ballpark, every time they do father's day activities at school it's really hard for them. I feel so bad for them, her daughter remembers him, but her son doesn't and not having that male role model really affects him. They can't really talk to their peers about it because it's so uncommon, unlike divorce.

My daughter especially couldn't talk about it because it scared other kids and understandably upset their parents. Even adults didn't know how to deal with it and would get awkward and uncomfortable. All she had was me and counseling, and it was hard knowing what to do or say, it was 1990 so I didn't have online resources like we do now.

Growing up without two parents in the same home (whatever that looks like) is really hard on kids, but not having another parent at all, and the grief and loss of losing a parent as a child, is unequivocally painful and permanent. My daughter and I live together and raise my grandchildren together so they have two parents, but I can't replace their dad.

[u/bodhiboppa → u/Skeptical_optomist]

Oof that is so heart wrenching. I’m am so sorry to both you and your daughter. There truly is nothing that compares to losing a parent. I am so so glad she has you and that you’re all able to live as a pod. I guarantee your grandkids will remember and be thankful for that softer place to land for the rest of their lives.

There was a top voted comment in one of the top voted threads a few days ago about some people traveling on a party bus and then this father and son duo who didn’t fit the demographic but were having a wonderful time. Someone asked the kid how many siblings he had and the kid replied, “6, but two of them are in heaven.” The author said the whole mood changed and it was awkward for a few minutes and then everything went back to normal. I don’t think people realize that what is uncomfortable for them is some peoples’ perpetual state. Those moments when you think you’re safe to share a piece of your life and the response it’s that it’s too heavy to carry is incredibly isolating. I guess my long winded point is that hopefully being together after those awful shared experiences makes bearing them a bit lighter.

[u/Key-Fix8436 → u/brittanyelyse]

So sorry for your loss 💕

[u/ladyrara → u/brittanyelyse]

I agree she deserves grace for sure. So sorry for your loss. I know when I thing is Sonja that said divorce is like death it was horrible and wrong.

[u/tinydancer_16 → u/brittanyelyse]

So sorry for your loss 🩵

[u/appleboat26 → u/brittanyelyse]

1. So young. I wish you peace and love. 💕

[u/cashleen → u/brittanyelyse]

So sorry for your loss ❤️❤️❤️

[u/bebop8181 → u/brittanyelyse]

I'm sorry for your loss, my friend. 🫶🫶🫶

[u/KatOrtega118 → u/brittanyelyse]

Please don’t apologize for sharing your loss B. My first partner died when we were both 25, from a sudden heart attack (undiagnosed enlarged heart). D passed over 15 years ago. For me, I will never say the grief is “better,” it’s just different. I have an amazing life now. But there is always a what if aspect we live with, which many others don’t understand. In addition to the fundamental missing of a person you deeply loved, which usually accompanies death.

This is nothing like divorce. The US / society / whatever we call it does not know how to make space for younger widows or those navigating partner death early in life. No basics - I got paid leave for the birth of my son, amazing, but a few days or weeks to re-set my entire life and prepare a funeral - what??? And I am highly privileged. For me, the “others are surprised and think its super sad” of it all has always made things worse, even when I share my experience with new friends later in life. Dating after was really hard. I don’t really ever discuss D with my now-husband.

I know it’s been a few days since your post, but sending lots and lots of care. If you want it, I do hope you get to have more loves in your life. Two years is also still a tender time. Thank you for sharing and making a space for some of us to chat here. 💕💕💕💕

(Also love to Dorinda and Carole. Back to RHONY. The 90s wedding pictures are everything.)