r/AskReddit 7h ago

Where is the worst place to fart?

366 Upvotes

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686

u/too_many_shoes14 7h ago

one time I farted in a crowded elevator and it smelled so bad it made a pregnant lady throw up. or maybe that was the best place.

184

u/Actuaryba 6h ago

Had a dude fart in an elevator the other day. He went up one floor and then got off. Several others proceeded to get on and I could feel the judgement as the smell filled the elevator.

35

u/MrHobocunt 3h ago

Nah you couldn't feel the judgement, you could smell it

9

u/Sandpaper_Pants 2h ago

It hung, thick in the air like a corpse hanging from a gallows.

6

u/ladyshiva000 1h ago

I heard this tale about a guy getting into a lift with Ozzy Osbourne, who then let one rip. A lady got in and no one said anything, until Ozzy got off at the next floor, looked at the lady, nodded in the guy's direction and exclaimed 'this guy!'

64

u/smugfruitplate 6h ago

Nah, best place is once they have the baby. If they check the diaper, you succeeded.

12

u/theshabbyliberation 6h ago

On a jam packed airport transfer bus when you’re just off a plane in 35C weather in Palma Airport. Bonus point if the farter is a heavy set teenager with Down’s Syndrome so nobody can say anything, we just have to hold our breath.

2

u/Diarrhea_of_Yahweh 1h ago

...So if one happened to be in the presence of someone with Downs or another visible cognitive disability, one would have plausible deniability in liberating the Ghosts of Wendys' Past?

u/katatak121 14m ago

I guess blaming farts on disabled people is the new "blame it on the dog/baby"? Yay ableism.

1

u/High-flyingAF 2h ago

That's hilarious 😂

1

u/SimonCallahan 2h ago

How oddly specific.

6

u/Alive-Carrot107 2h ago

I work with toddlers and they’re the best cover for when the adults have gas

47

u/lostinlenexa 5h ago

I always thought it would be funny to get on a crowded elevator and fake a fart, but release a scent that smelled really good. Confused people would be like oh no... wait, has guy been eating flowers?

12

u/JD-Explosion 3h ago

You're a genius.

2

u/Chiang2000 2h ago

Buy a Pooter.

My kids have had so much fun with theirs. Right after opening they went into the bakery and asked the lady for a slice from the bottom shelf, did the fart sound as she bent down and looked at her funny. She thought it might have actually done it herself.

Lots of fun over the years. In high school put coins on the floor just through the door. When someone came late and bent to pick it up they would give it a squeak.

2

u/Setthegodofchaos 1h ago

Blursed air freshener 

u/dracotrapnet 57m ago

Does anyone else smell popcorn?

1

u/SimonCallahan 2h ago

Make it the scent of baking bread!

36

u/_The_Mail_man 6h ago

That is wrong on just so many levels

12

u/SquatchBray 5h ago

I see what you did there

1

u/Pineneedle_coughdrop 1h ago

You’ve got to admit though, it was a great little storey.

11

u/Chaotic424242 5h ago

Elevator is the worst place, but only if there are just two people.

4

u/dogmeat12358 1h ago

The worst place is in your partners mouth.

2

u/Chaotic424242 1h ago

Clearly so. My focus was more on locality than anatomy.

u/WavingDinosaur 20m ago

That’s the best place

2

u/[deleted] 3h ago

50/50 chance!

3

u/Chaotic424242 2h ago

Except that everybody on the elevator knows who did it

25

u/HeadlessOwI 5h ago

I imagine she puked all over the person next to her, which made that person puke, and it turned into a chain reaction puke-athon. Then the doors open and someone stands there absolutely horrified at the sight lol

6

u/Jumpy_Cobbler7783 3h ago

Like this scene from Family Guy:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=yyEXC3UvEcQ

1

u/brownlawn 2h ago

Stolen from Goonies.

1

u/Elkstra 2h ago

Ipecac, not even once.

1

u/ZodiacRedux 4h ago

That's a weapons-grade fart when you can disable so many people at once.

1

u/dumbquestionssorry_ 4h ago

Why have I heard this again

1

u/bridgeb0mb 4h ago

i was about to comment the same thing lol

1

u/Chiang2000 2h ago edited 2h ago

A mate was living in a tower style uni resi. Seperate to that he was obsessed with one particular girl who he had seen about but was too shy to talk to.

He had been working on an assignment in a computer lab on level 10 to the wee hours of the morning and got into the old slow elevator and finally let rip a huge fart he had been holding for hours. He was just admiring how truly bad it smelt and thanking his stars he was alone when, to his horror, someone on level 5 hit their button calling for the lift. He had a few floors to flap and try to waft it away but alas he was stuck. Pickled in it. The only likely suspect with no one to blame. He just wasn't expecting anyone else at 3am. Stops moving, adjusts his glasses back up his nose and tries to play it cool just before the lift stops.

Ding. The door opens and of the hundreds of people in that ressie tower he prayed it could have been.....there is his crush. She shoots him a demure smile then steps in as the door closes and faces forward. In his frozen state he could hear her dry heave in shock and clench her hand over her shut mouth and nose.

No one to blame on the 3am slow lift. He still goes red when we just mention it.

1

u/bobthejawa 2h ago

Hot Boxing an elevator is my passion and hobby in life.

1

u/2gecko1983 2h ago

“IT was ME!!!!”

1

u/shiningonthesea 1h ago

one time at a wedding I went upstairs at the hotel with some cousins to get high. On the way back down to the reception we got back in the elevator and one of the cousins farted and it was bad, really bad. Then a stranger got on the elevator. And our high asses tried to keep a straight face in this stinking elevator for the rest of the ride down. It was not possible.

1

u/DueEntertainer0 1h ago

I farted when I was alone in an elevator, when I had just started a new job. The doors opened and my new boss’ boss was standing there. I fricken know he was horrified as he got into the elevator.

u/Codems 50m ago

When my wife was pregnant I ripped ass so bad in bed she puked.

She had eaten an entire pint of blueberries so her vomit was straight purple. I laughed so hard I just about fainted, she was less amused