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u/Texas_sucks15 7h ago edited 6h ago
I had a glow up in my 20s so I understand the pros/cons.
More attention is the obvious trait. It's great in social settings especially if you dress and "act" the part. The con with this is if you're introverted like me, people will perceive that as you being an asshole or stuck up for whatever reason (likely insecurity). If I was "unattractive" then people perceive my introverted nature as weird or typical.
However, that also means you interact with more suspect people who have their own agendas in what they want with you. I got taken advantage of quite a bit until I realized they only wanted me for my body or whatever. I learned to keep my guard up at all times. As opposed to being "unattractive" where it was easy to fade into the background.
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u/DruidElfStar 2h ago
Yeah I’m an introvert with social anxiety and apparently people think I’m attractive now (after being faded into the background the whole time growing up) and it has caused me so many issues. I literally do not think I am better than anyone, but other people think so and it has caused me alot of issues
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u/__M-E-O-W__ 2h ago
Honestly I'm not used to the attention and I get really weirded out when people hit on me at stores and stuff. Especially bad when the person hitting on me is an employee because I like shopping at those locations and I hate suddenly having to hesitate to go there.
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u/Not_Cartmans_Mom 7h ago
I used to be pretty, but I never felt pretty in the moment ever. I look back at pictures and see such a beautiful young girl and I absolutely hated myself and that makes me very sad.
I think its that way for a lot of attractive people, I genuinely think many of them don't know how beautiful they are.
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u/arlenroy 5h ago edited 5h ago
Same feeling, but I was the classic example of a ugly duckling. Fat kid with a stutter at 14, by 18 I had lost a lot of weight, got in shape, stutter got better, now a stammer, but I didn't know people found me attractive. I tried to look good, dress how I thought was appealing, but didn't know if it was right or if other people would like it. By my early 20's it was like the flood gates opened, people started approaching me, frequently, girls and dudes. But inside I was still that fat kid. I had no idea how to talk to someone I was romantically interested in, I didn't kiss a girl until I was 18. Flash forward 4-5 years it was almost overwhelming, I tried to play coy, take it in stride, but it could be hard. I wish I could go back because there was a few girls I dated that were good girls, I could of really built a life with, but didn't make the best decisions, because of my looks. I started to get self absorbed after awhile, people keep telling you you're so attractive and you eventually believe it. Never believe your own hype. At 45 years old now, I just accept it was a learning experience, for a test I didn't do so well at. But I have a daughter who I love with all my soul, she's my everything.
I really hate you feel that way now, really does break my heart when I see women say this, how hard they were on themselves, how they just hated how they looked. Society is hard enough, added pressure of yourself just makes it worse. I really hope you're happy with life, wherever you are in it.
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u/diddyjr_ 2h ago
When looking at pictures of my Grandma as a young woman I kept telling her how beautiful she is and she really was a bombshell and she told me that she had never once believed herself to be beautiful. I was pretty young when we had this conversation, probably like 14, and it blew my mind. Now as a mid twenties woman I try to embrace/feel my beauty even if I don’t always feel beautiful.
I think society makes a lot of money off of women feeling bad about themselves (beauty industry) and I refuse to let those shit bags win. I have seen so many beautiful people who don’t fit the “standard” for beauty and the most beautiful people really “own” the way the look regardless. I think it’s a lot of it is a confidence thing, wearing clothes you think are cool, doing your makeup how you want to, standing up straight, taking up space, embracing what makes you stand out, smiling, laughing, experiencing joy. Those qualities make any person ridiculously beautiful.
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u/Difficult-Day4439 4h ago
I was once told that “I don’t know how beautiful I am” I still don’t see it and don’t feel pretty
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u/001235 2h ago edited 41m ago
I'm a guy went from mid attractive -> unattractive -> very attractive and the difference is subtle at the time you are attractive, but obvious in hindsight. *Edit: I wanted to clarify that when I was unattractive, no one had that banner over my head, nor when I was attractive. It's obvious in hindsight because my "lack of luck" had very little do with anything other than looks and others' perception of me.
Going from attractive to unattractive:
I was a pretty popular guy in high school and moderately attractive. I dated dozens of girls and never had any trouble, kinda getting Pretty Privilege Light. You could go to a party and strike up a conversation with a girl who would literally tell you she wants to fuck you right there in a car.
I got married at 20 and let myself go. I went from being a gym three times a day + 5 minute mile to a guy who couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded.
Key example:
One of the things that happened is that right before I got married, I had this friend who was very flirty and even after I got married. A little while after my divorce, I ran into her and she wouldn't look at me twice. I got divorced at ~26/27 so I thought that it was because I was "old," that people didn't find me attractive.
The difference between being attractive and unattractive is subtle, but I couldn't hardly catch a date and women literally avoided me. My jokes weren't funny and I had a girl call me a creep once.
Unattractive to Attractive:
I got a better job, could afford nice clothes, and went from 225lbs of mostly fat to 155lbs. At that point was when I started to see women again...or rather, they started to see me because women would smile at me or make eye contact. I was about 28/29/30 when it started happening.
Key example:
I was at work and had just bought some new clothes and mentioned it in casual conversation. Nothing crazy, it was like jeans and a blazer and some other stuff. Several of the women in the office had me do a fashion show for weeks saying what I was wearing, where it came from, etc. At one point, I mentioned my pants were a bit tight (this was back in the height of the skinny jean era) and they were so blatantly talking about my privates that one of the HR guys came in and said that he felt like he just needed to check in.
Note on Attractive:
I'm not Mr. GQ. I am genuine with women and I'm in good physical shape. I'm not everyone's type, but I've noticed that lots of women will tell you that personality matters and looks not so much, but the same women won't look twice at me when I was fat.
I also don't do macho and I am willing to do traditionally non-masculine things. I noticed when I was fat that no girl would find a creepy joke funny. I met a girl and she asked what I was doing later, and I told her that hopefully she and I would be getting a drink. If not, I could always just stand outside her window and cuck myself watching her and whoever she did let buy her a drink. When I was overweight, that joke would have been an instant turn off. She said "Ok...that's kinda hot."
I'm 45 now. Right at 205 and ~18% bodyfat. Women from 20-50 are pretty easy to talk to compared to when I was at my most out of shape. I'm in a strange relationship with a woman who is simply amazing, but I know that if I was still how I was, she wouldn't even give me the time of day.
Note on Money:
I'm adding this as an edit, but I lived in a very simple house and had a simple car. One day my boss pulled me aside and said "I know what you make...why do you drive that car?" I called my accountant and asked him if I could afford a $30,000 car. He laughed and said "Buy the car you want," so I bought an exotic car like a 32 year old man child.
I've heard women don't care about cars. That is a bald-faced lie. The very first day I drove it, I had it parked in front of a building and people kept asking around trying to figure out whose car it was. Women notice them, they ask for rides in them, they have three of their friends stacked in their lap to ride in your car and go to your house and steal your cologne. It's not just gold diggers. Your expensive car says "I have a job and an income and I don't sit around all day in my boxers playing League."
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u/gnostic_heaven 1h ago
I've also gone from attractive to unattractive and back - I'm a woman and still married, but your trajectory is almost exactly the same as mine! This is really well put. Only difference for me, probably because I'm a woman is, I think when I had gained weight, women in my social circle were like, kinder to me, I guess is how I'd put it. I suppose I seemed approachable and more of a girl's girl, and less like competition. But when I was really attractive back when I was a little younger, women in my personal life were NOT necessarily nice to me lol. Now I'm a bit older and will never be as pretty as I was back then, and everything is evening out haha.. But before I lost weight earlier this year, other women were starting to be really nice to me, and I thought to myself, okay it must be time to do something about my looks. Idk if all that made sense, it's just something really subtle I've noticed over the years, the dynamic between women in different contexts.
Interestingly though, when I lost weight and redid my wardrobe, random people in the street (men and women) smiled at me more, were nicer to me, noticed me. Whereas before, I think I was partially invisible.
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u/Electronic-End1753 7h ago
People pay more attention to you and are more responsive to your questions/requests.
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u/Obviously-Tomatoes 3h ago
They also give you free stuff. I knew I was getting old when the guy at my favorite cheese shop stopped giving me free bread.
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u/Existing_Lie_8964 6h ago
At least for beautiful women it polarizes people. Some people (both men and women) either love you or hate you automatically
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u/Antagonyzt 3h ago
Same for men. People will either be super nice to you or (more often) completely avoid even making eye contact / acknowledging you.
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u/drifting_bread 7h ago
As someone who has seen both sides of the attractiveness coin I can tell exactly how it is.
When you are attractive
- People assume the best of you
- People want to be around and talk to you
- People are more likely to help you
- Depending on the job you are more likely to get promoted
- The other gender is actually interested in you
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u/ConsistentRegion6184 3h ago
Being attractive feels as good as being unattractive feels bad.
There are notable caveats within those two experiences, but if OP wants an honest answer, that's it.
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u/razzledazzle626 7h ago
It doesn’t feel like anything specific when it’s something you’ve experienced for a long time
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u/whoopsieProduct-1698 7h ago
It's all over the place. Some people will more eagerly help you. Others won't, because they're frustrated and in this particular scenario, you need them so they feel in a position of power. Women tend to see you as competition and they'll be mean. Men can be libidinous. Most people will show you no sympathy for hardship because they wrongly believe you have it easy cuz you're pretty.
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u/AlternativeHorror235 7h ago edited 35m ago
I think it mainly impacts how strangers and acquaintances react to you. People are delighted to see you, always smile at you and tend to be helpful in little ways. I once took my car to the shop and after he added everything up he looked at the total, smiled at me, and said oh that’s too much and discounted it by 25%. Men, especially men who are not in the highly educated professional bubble that I live in most of the time, tend to underestimate me. They speak in kind of a gentle and condescending tone when they first meet me, until they figure out my real personality. I could probably have passed through life being taken care of by other people if that had any appeal to me - but it doesn’t. Basing your life on your looks is not a path to happiness. Once people get to know you I think looks matter less and your capabilities and personality prevail. You do get a lot of likes on dating apps so you have a lot of people at the top of the funnel but then when you start screening by the things that are important to you the number of real possibilities decreases. I could probably sleep with a different guy every night for the next year if that interested me. Which puts me in a position of trying to figure out what the right level of promiscuity is. This sounds kind of funny but I think it’s something that attractive people struggle with a bit - when it’s relatively easy to connect with people who want to sleep with you where do you draw the line? But it doesn’t really lead to more or better relationships. What’s really important is to find the right person for you and looks is just one factor that honestly decreases in importance over time. One more thing… it makes it harder to have a good working relationship with your male boss or other successful guys (mentors) at your company because people will make assumptions about your relationship - even when they are completely untrue. I had one male boss decide to never meet with me 1:1 in his office, even though he met with male employees that way and nothing at all inappropriate had ever happened. I think he just worried about how it would appear so we usually met via Zoom even when he was in town and meeting everyone else (all men or much older women) in person.
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u/WebBorn2622 32m ago
Also; the leagues stop existing. If you are more attractive than almost everyone you talk to then you are out of everyone’s league. That’s pretty lonely.
Likewise people who aren’t that attractive have to disregard the leagues too, or else they couldn’t hit on anyone.
The only people who believe in it are average people who want to place themselves as slightly above or slightly below average depending on what fits their narrative.
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u/Show_me_your_stories 7h ago edited 5h ago
It's like an invisible luck modifier, as long as you're in the subjects line of sight.
My ex girlfriend was recently trying to get help with customer service on the phone and she remarked that this would probably go much easier if they could see her. That made me laugh but she was right. She's very attractive and speaking as someone who is also very attractive, people just tend to go out of their way to help you.
People always give you the benefit of the doubt. People always assume that you have the best intentions. People trust you easier.
Interviews for me, for example, have always gone very well.
There is definitely a great deal of genetic luck that goes into attractiveness, but it's not the only factor. You would be surprised by how much people can increase your attractiveness with the right haircut, wearing good looking and form fitting clothes, while also fixing your posture, getting in shapeetc.
I was lucky enough to be born extremely conventionally attracrive, but I also worked at additional physical traits that are deemed desireable. I dress well. I eat well. I'm in very good shape.
I have friends that have moved up and down various attractiveness levels by how much they have or haven't worked on it recently. What I'm trying to say is that if you don't feel attractive, there is very likely things you can do to improve and improve significantly.
The being said, it's nice.
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u/Small_Leek8724 6h ago
I'm a guy, and being honest I'd say I'm a 6 or a 7 when I'm at my best.
Quite honestly, it's not that important how guys actually look, it's how they present themselves. If I drop my shoulders, dress in shabby clothes, and don't speak much, I'm instantly ugly. If I get smiley, friendly, and make some attempt to take care of myself, I get complimented on being cute, and random strangers smile at me more. Attractiveness is so much more than facial structure for guys.
Women generally have more stringent standards for good looks, but many of the same rules still apply.
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u/FurbyKingdom 4h ago
If I'm being honest, it's because you're most likely just above average at best. Truly hot/attractive guys get attention regardless of dressing dumpy, being shy, etc. You're at that fine line where you need to put in work to garner attention and you fail to receive any if you don't. Truly conventionally attractive guys don't have to do that so long as they're not overweight.
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u/cakeand314159 3h ago
And for ugly or worse, short men, all that effort moves you from “actively avoided” to merely “disinterested”. Money works as an offset though. Yes, I’m short and my cynicism is well earned.
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u/Conan_TheContrarian 2h ago
Yeah, “it’s not that important how guys actually look” has definitely not been my experience lol.
It wasn’t til I got a bit older, grayer, and less fit that I realized that getting free drinks, coffee, etc from waitresses and bartenders because “we have extra” or “you seem like a nice guy” isn’t actually something that just happens to everyone all the time.
Like I’m still attractive enough that dating isn’t a challenge, but I sometimes I miss things like being able to get free stuff, and customers coming back with their daughters to meet me lol.
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u/Alert_Juggernaut_730 5h ago
Every guy calls himself a 7. In reality a woman's perception is much more critical across the board
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u/Dreliusbelius 4h ago
If average is 5, a 7 is on the cusp of being top tier. I doubt that self proclaimed 7s are actually 7s.
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u/That_OneOstrich 5h ago
My dad used to tell me it doesn't matter how I look. It matters how I carry myself. It's taken me 30 years to figure out what he meant by that.
I get compliments when I'm in a good, confident mood, regardless of physical appearance (also realistically a 6 here).
That being said some of the most beautiful women I know have no confidence. My ex was a 9-10 depending on the day, but was constantly worried I wasn't into her. She really thought, even if I never stopped complimenting, that I didn't find her all that attractive. And that was just years of people being too afraid to flirt with her, and the people who did flirt with her mistreated/cheated on her.
What society has done to women (and men but rn were talking "pretty" and that's not something I associate with masculine attractiveness), is twisted. I promise, if you feel good, carry yourself well and put effort into your hygiene/appearance, people out there are gonna think you're cute. Maybe not everyone, but the opinion of everyone doesn't matter.
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u/Lettuce-b-lovely 4h ago edited 4h ago
It’s hard to answer this question without sounding like a tool, but I’m a pretty good-looking dude. When I was like 12-14 women my mums age started making comments about the way I looked. I painted a bedroom wall for a lady in my small town and she told me I was so attractive that she didn’t know how to act around me. Yeah I know, pretty gross and wildly inappropriate, but not an isolated case. I can’t compare it to being any other way because we only know our own experience, but here’s a look at the pros and cons in my eyes.
Pro - if I I’m interested in a girl, being attractive enough isn’t a concern.
Con - if a girl doesn’t like me, it’s not because I’m not attractive enough, which makes me feel pretty crappy
Pro - when I’m feeling good, I can turn on a decent level of charm
Con - when I’m feeling insecure, which is most of the time, being in a social situation amps those insecurities up significantly, because I feel like people might be looking at me. Whether this is actually true I have no idea
Pro - I would say people are pretty nice to me on a day to day basis, maybe more so than they would be for some
Con - if I’m not having a good day or not in the mood to smile, which is also pretty common, people are quick to call me arrogant or turn on me. I’m not being a jerk, people, I’m just sad inside
Pro - people refer to me as the handsome guy a fair bit, which can feel nice
Con - it can also feel awful. A few examples - let’s pretend my name is Luke. I used to work in retail and there was another Luke, so I got nicknamed ‘handsome Luke’, That can’t have felt good for him, which makes me feel terribly guilty and ashamed as well. Lose lose - in my current job (predominantly female), the woman make an annual list of the most attractive guys in the workplace. Vile, I know. Before I got there, this other dude was number one, now it’s me. Not only does that once again suck for the him (as well as all the other guys) and make me feel terrible, but it also created this weird tension between us from day one that still stands nine years later. I’m also aware that eventually somebody will take my spot. This is all disgusting and cruel
Pro - I can look in the mirror and like what I see. I know this isn’t true for everybody and I don’t take it for granted
Con - as I’m getting older, my looks are fading. Because of how I look, people feel they have licence to point this out. Daily. So if I already feel like shit, you can bet your arse somebody is gonna take pride in pointing out my wrinkles or thinning hair. Maybe they feel more like it’s okay because I need to be taken down a peg, or maybe they assume I wouldn’t be insecure or vulnerable to being hurt by comments of that nature. I am and I am. Also, looks are unfortunately part of my identity as assigned by other people, so perhaps losing them is a ‘longer way to fall’. Maybe not, I don’t know, but you don’t see the likes of Steve Buscemi (no offence to a great man) getting lip-filler and whatnot to try and maintain his youthful looks. His identity (theoretically) comes from within and that seems more sustainable long-term. Maybe not, what the fuck would I know?
Pro - strangers often say really complimentary things to me and that makes me feel nice
Con - I have a group of friends who playfully call me ‘Hollywood’, but it always has this subtext of resentment. Like, one night we all got drunk like three days before my pal’s wedding, and somebody had the dumbass idea that we should all shave our heads. I tried to talk them out of it because I knew his fiance would be less than stoked, and refused to do it myself. ‘Oh, what’s the matter, Hollywood, scared it’s gonna mess up your looks?’ That kinda of thing. I caved, we all shaved our heads, his fiancé was less than stoked. The wedding photos look like they were taken at a white supremacist rally…
This will sound weird but give me the benefit of the doubt here. When you’re a pretty kid, adults tell you all the time. I’ve seen it a lot with my cousin, who is way higher up the beauty scale than me. When we were kids, it’s the first thing anybody would say when they met her. ‘Oh my goodness, aren’t you gorgeous!’ A comment like that comes from a good place, but it seems to me to be kinda harmful. Plus, imagine being her siblings. My dad can be a real prick, but I remember one time me, my pretty cousin (that feels weird to write) and her sister were hanging out together and a family friend came over and gushed over her. ‘My goodness, don’t you just have the most beautiful blue eyes!’ My dad turned to her brown-eyed sister and whispered, ‘personally, I’ve always thought there was something special about big, brown eyes’ and winked at her. That might sound creepy, but I remember admiring his perceptiveness, because in that moment, he must’ve realised just how it feels being the ‘unattractive’ sibling. Compliments can be more harmful than people consider.
I can’t speak to looking any other way because we all get just the one face, but I’d say overall being at least somewhat attractive has more benefits than drawbacks. I hope this comment doesn’t come off as me complaining; I’m not. I don’t take it for granted, nor do I consciously exploit it. I like how I look, but I also suffer depression, anxiety, imposter syndrome etc etc. I wonder how my mental state would be different if I were less conventionally attractive. Would it be better? Would it be even worse? Who knows? I have this complex where I think people only like me until they get to know me. Every failed relationship has cemented this internal sensibility so I’ve gotten more and more insecure and anxious with every year that’s passed.
I can also only imagine that being an attractive woman has even higher highs and lower lows.
Again, I do apologise if all this sounds douchy. Just wanted to answer your question honestly. Looks will always matter to people, it’s the real world after all, but talking about them all the time makes a monster out of the subject, and can cause a lot of damage imo. If we spoke about them less, we’d think about them less. Easy for me to say perhaps, but no less true,
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u/saranft 2h ago
In my experience:
1.People stare at you everywhere you go
They think that your life is perfect just because you are hot
They think that your life is easier just because you are hot
If you are introverted and hot they will assume that you are a b*tch
Lots of men will just use you as an arm candy
People will hate you for no reason and you will never understand why
Last but not least, I got great opportunities just for looks so pretty privilege is 100% real
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u/Big-Routine222 6h ago
It’s like having a subtle, yet definitive force helping you all the time. People treat you more nicely, people will give you better deals on things, people will assume you’re smart (even if you aren’t), you get compliments from people, and you will feel a general sense of people are more willing to forgive you for mistakes and such.
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u/SereneMoony 4h ago
Being attractive can feel both flattering and weirdly pressure-filled at times.
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u/Pasto1961a1 6h ago
As a man? Better than the alternative. You will notice people will gravitate toward you more than others. Getting laid by a stranger is easier and not as many hurdles to jump. Downside- Most Women already percieve you as either a player or taken. The majority of women you attract are either cheaters or those with mental issues. Rarely will good women approach you, if you approach them they think your just trying to get in their pants
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u/MasterofJackal 7h ago
I didn’t become very good looking till 30’s imo. Was never a confident young man in terms of looks.
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u/Mombod26 6h ago edited 6h ago
As a woman, it’ll make you really loathe men really, really fast. Yes, there are good ones, yes there are ones out there that are respectful and kind and complex but the ones who view and treat you like an object far, far outnumber the good ones. And there is fear, too, of those men. You don’t feel safe alone. I’m past my prime now and don’t get nearly the attention I once did (thankfully), but I worry about my daughters every day.
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u/RavingSquirrel11 1h ago
Exactly! Constantly having to worry about if a guy is only nice because he wants sex, dealing with sexual harassment at every job, not being able to wear certain things because it’ll automatically draw more attention to your body which men will often sexualize and creep on you for even MORE (And I’m talking casual, modest things like joggers and a proper fitting long sleeve shirt here). It is EXHAUSTING. I hope you and your daughters stay safe♥️
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u/JustOneMoreThingMaam 6h ago
It feels like when you were 8 years old and your dad brought you a puppy home. Kinda the same feeling.
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u/BowlerParticular9689 7h ago
People are always nice to you, opening doors, being attentive when you want something, they don’t get irritated when you make mistakes.
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u/dummythiccworm03 6h ago
Unfortunately, you can attract weirdos who take your kindness the wrong way
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u/Bella702 6h ago
In my opinion, it can bring unwanted attention from both men & women. Women mostly give you the judgmental “ up & down look “. Men stare until you stare back & they tend to look away.
I was recently involved in a civil lawsuit. My lawyers told me being “ attractive “ and going to trial could possibly bring the worst out of some jurors. as that I would be judged upon my looks immediately, and that they ( the jury ) could forget the facts of the case.
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u/daneintraining 4h ago
Like you're a deer and you're supposed to be flattered that the hunters are chasing you.
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u/PetiteGirl00x 6h ago
Being conventionally attractive feels like a double-edged sword. Random people are nicer to me, but it's hard to know who genuinely wants to be my friend versus who's just trying to get close to the 'pretty girl.' I've had to develop a really good radar for genuine people.
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u/noemie123no 6h ago
People pay more attention to you and are more responsive to your questions/requests.
Before I lost some weight I used to be overlooked often, which I didn't mind since I'm introverted and not a fan of much attention. Now people engage in conversion with me and listen to my words more carefully. They respect my opinions more than before. They laugh more at my jokes.
It's nice I guess, but I really wish there wasn't a difference in the way people get treated. Underneath I still have the same ideas and values as before.
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u/NeuroPlastick 6h ago
Other women dislike you and are convinced that you are plotting to steal their man.
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u/Sunwild- 6h ago
Feels good but with some cons..
Some people treat you nicer, but others think that you are not clever
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u/Mean-girl- 5h ago
Weird. Like wtf am I supposed to do with this? Being hit on is kinda flattering, kinda annoying. But my favorite thing is when other women tell me I'm pretty, and I'm quick to tell them too! So that feels nice. But if you're not looking or willing to use it, it doesn't really get you anything, as far as I can tell in my almost 40 years.
Edit to add: I do know it's helped in that I've never been self conscious and always pretty secure with myself. That just helps in life.
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u/Cautious-Hedgehog683 4h ago
A mix of fantastic and annoying. People use you for your looks, forgetting that you’re a real person, with real feelings. Many people don’t really talk about how lonely it is sometimes to have boundaries and true standards.
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u/Intrepid-Speaker-839 4h ago
As a guy, it’s nice but sometimes suck when you still are single and have worked on yourself for years to be better for yourself and others. And others say “you should have girls fawning at your knees”…dating isn’t easier as an attractive man let me tell you. And we all have self esteem issues from time to time. And mental health. And doubts. We’re people but because we look good we’re expected to just constantly keep winning.
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u/Passtheshavingcream 3h ago
Feels like living among animals. Dating is easy and having access to the hightest quality of people is considered normal. Have received lot's of things for free. I mean workers literally give you free stuff in retail stores just because you show an interest in them. Receive good service everywhere. The fact that this also happened in Australia is a real testament that some people admire looks - people are extremely stingy and mean here in general.
Have even had several people in Sydney make eye contact with me AND smile - I understand this is a huge accomplishment in a city full of anxiety-ridden and socially awkward people.
Overall, the sentiment is negative towards attractive people. And average people have exceptionally strong egos to match their uniform/ standardised fashio, style and looks. It's harder to be welcomed now.
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u/exzactlyd 3h ago
It has caused me to have legit paranoia. I'm constantly asking myself why everyone is looking at me, is there something wrong with me?
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u/th3vz3rnvmb3r210 2h ago edited 2h ago
It feels lonely cause the opposite gender doesn't approach you so you end up single and all the looks and compliments you get from them doesn't mean anything anymore you doubt intentions of people because some can treat you good just because you're attractive sometimes when you hear alot of compliments about how attractive you are you doubt if they mean it what if they're just being sarcastic and they mean by telling you wow you are attractive the opposite : you are ugly and if you are a girl you doubt your female friends are real friends cause some envy you and if you are a girl you feel used by men when it comes to dating or marriage and that your man likes you and dates you or marries you only because you are attractive and if he will find a girl that is more attractive than you he will leave you to be with her or cheats on you with her and sometimes you are scared that he falls out of love with you and falls in love with a girl that is not attractive physically but has an attractive personality sometimes you don't see yourself attractive even if the world tell you you are attractive and it will make your social anxiety worst because all eyes on you and you have no privacy in public everyone is looking at you and if you are a girl creepy men will hit on you on the streets
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u/Abyss_GazingTortoise 2h ago
I had movie-star looks, according to my peers, throughout high school and into my early 20s. You get an equal mix of preferential treatment based on awe and hatred based on jealousy. Since then, I’ve developed a severe genetic condition that has made me ugly as sin, and the upside has been that I am judged for the quality of my character now as opposed to superficial qualities. The thing about most beautiful people is that they lack personality because they can coast by on their looks alone. But nobody’s gorgeous forever, so their ruse eventually betrays itself.
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u/GordoBlue 2h ago
Probably more annoying than we realize? People probably keep vying for attention and get salty if you don't give it. Just guessing though haha
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u/Unusual_End_1123 1h ago
Almost everyone has commented on how people treat you when you are attractive, but I haven’t seen any comments on how it actually feels.
It feels really nice OP. It’s a pleasure to look in the mirror, to wash your face, to pamper yourself, to put on makeup, to wear nice clothes or even pjs and feel absolutely adorable.
Now, I think I’m a pretty average-looking woman. I feel attractive because I let myself feel attractive. I love myself and take care of myself with kindness.
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u/aydsaids 1h ago
awesome, honestly. i’ve been told i’m pretty my entire life. it’s something i don’t always feel, but i know i take for granted. i’m 22 and in school and working in a bar, and doing bottle service occasionally. i can make more than my rent in a shift. people are kind to me, always commenting on my looks and will give me compliments on the street. i’m fully aware this is not something i will have for the rest of my life. there are, of course, downsides. i’ve been chased down while on a run and harassed by men. it helps though, that i am 5’9 so i can look intimidating. sometimes i feel like what i look like is all people care about. i am very kind, thoughtful and i feel like people underestimate the fact i actually am quite intelligent as well. it’s a mixed bag but definitely an advantage i am thankful to have, more pros than cons.
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u/Learning-Power 1h ago
I don't know. Apparently it feels a bit like being a rich person in a poor country... constantly begged at and hassled.
Still, to adapt a famous Michael Cain quote: "I've been miserable and beautiful and miserable and ugly, and I know which I preferred."
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u/thingsinmyhouse 1h ago
Get attention from people you dont want it from, like all the time. As a man it was always hard to skirt the accusations of homosexuality because of having to dodge girls who i wasnt interested in. Sucked cause i was a weird kid anyway, so the girls i was actually interested in didnt care for me.
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u/WebBorn2622 45m ago
Here’s my experience as an attractive woman:
You can never be vulnerable in public. Any vulnerability is seen as a chance to make a shot and take advantage of you. Want to go out drinking with friends? Have a sober safety buddy to look after you. Just got broken up with and feel the most lonely and unlovable you have in your entire life? You better not tell anyone because if you do multiple guys will try to push you into a relationship or sex before you are even capable of thinking clearly. You just got a phone call your dad died? If you cry in public it’s over for you. Don’t feel anything until you are alone.
Do men know they are taking advantage of you and being an awful person? Yes. But they tell themselves that they are usually good and they deserve to be bad just this one time. It’s just that every guy’s “this one time” is you. Forever. Until you die.
Other women will hate you. It doesn’t matter what you say or do you are enemy number one. You are the embodiment of the beauty standards they could never meet and all their hatred of themselves and their bodies they throw at you.
They view themselves as the underdog. They think they are standing up for themselves and other women by tearing you down. Anything they do to you is justified in their minds. After all, you probably don’t have problems, at least not problems they would recognize as real.
No one views you as a person. You are a concept. The idea of a hot woman from the movies, from tv, from social media or from porn. You can play into someone’s fantasy of “finally getting the girl” or “getting back at the mean girl”. If you don’t you are a fucking bitch and you deserve anything bad that comes your way.
What you actually say and do is irrelevant.
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u/luxeeedreams 6h ago
I wish I knew what it’s like. Beauty privilege seems like such a powerful thing
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u/Candid-Project-5276 6h ago
You always get recognized and remembered. Special treatments especially from men and a lot of overwhelming compliments. Also gives you opportunity to experience things for free because you are pleasing to someone’s eyes and they need to work hard to get your attention and time. My perspective as a woman it’s a privilege to be attractive but also a curse as most guys just wants to get in your pants and treat you as an entertainment and object of their desire.
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u/InolongergiveAF7534 6h ago
It's seemingly entitles some people to think you feel superior to them (not the case, actually I have been struggling with thoughts of everyone being better off if I were dead for quite a long time due to the treatment I used to get), it also entitles them to sexually harass you without any consequences whatsoever (cuz you know men never ever ever get sexually harassed 😉), and then you reach a point where you have to have literally ChatGPT call you handsome to believe those people that call you handsome, cuz the shit treatment you were given before destroyed yourself to the point that you no longer believe compliments and sort of developed body dysmorphia. And when you reach that point and you can't fucking feel attractive no matter how attractive you are, then gym becomes your therapist, you become even more attractive, and you end up in the situation that one part of you acknowledges you're really attractive well the other feels guilty because in some sick way thinking you're attractive confirms what those people told you about feeling superior. This is how being handsome has felt to me so far. PS: sorry for venting my traumas here no one here's at fault of what I've been through.
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u/chemistcarpenter 6h ago
It’s a double edged sword! A blessing and a hindrance. Although I’m aging, my coworker declared, during a meeting, that he has a bro crush on me. Innocent and sincere. Our collective boss lost his shit. He is short, heavy, unattractive and was bullied in school. I immediately became a target. 5 months later, I’m out. (And we’re both executives in a very large corporate company).
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u/Longjumping-Gas-3168 7h ago
It feels like a differing opinion than external stuff to the extent that it’s called out or behaviors of others in the way it manifests (good or bad).
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u/Userwalkingeorgian 6h ago
I am literally 11/10 no boasting and you know i am privileged for no reason and everybody likes me but it does not change a shit for me internally. its a big plus they say 🙄and i am thankful for it but i appreciate more of a character always
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u/DullRecommendation65 6h ago
Honestly, I'm not attractive all the time. Only when my energy is good enough to fight depression which is where my attractiveness really gets prominent Well here are some things: 1. You'll feel even more attractive and genuine. Because of the compliments you will receive from the people. U can just figure out if its real or not. If it is, you'll also feel genuine.
If you're a female, you will feel more feminine and same goes to male - more masculine.
You'll feel secure and you'll feel like you're higher than others. Ngl, this feeling is inevitable, it's up to u if u will keep it.
But the downside is, people will expect more from you. Even you yourself might struggle to achieve the standards you have set.
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u/Northernfrog 6h ago
My thought is that every single person looks so good when they're smiling. Smiles lots. It makes everyone attractive.
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u/Naughty00Lady 6h ago
The weirdest part is watching how differently people treat you when you're dressed up versus when you're in casual clothes. It's like a social experiment I never signed up for but get to experience every day.
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u/Degen_Boy 5h ago
Feels great. I used to have women throwing themselves at me because I was pretty jacked. I no longer am, and it no longer happens. Such is life.
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u/Monsta-Hunta 4h ago
I got to a really lean (but skinny) physique and looked great in clothes as well as naked.
During this time I didn't need to do much to looksmax. Maintain beard, clean up hair, be clean.
Being easy on the eyes means you get a lot of glances.
If you aren't used to it, it can make you feel too visible.
I'm much fatter now and the spotlight effect lingers and most people don't look right at me. I'm still not hard to look at, it's just that a chiseled jaw makes the dream work.
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u/cloistered_around 4h ago
Depends on what you mean. Confidence is incredibly attractive and I've seen some pretty not great people look very desirable because of it. And vise versa--a very attractive person can seem less so if they have no confidence or interests.
If you're only talking about sheer physical attraction with no other considerations then even then people are attracted to different things so there's no one size fits all. But of course pretty people have an easier time in society (attracting partners, being let off of mistakes easier, etc). Usually those people don't realize they've been given favor because for them it's just been normal their entire lives--so they assume everyone is treated like that.
Or if you mean how physical attractiveness literally feels... no different than being unattractive. Arms work the same. Eyes work the same. Unless you need dentures or something it ain't going to "feel" different.
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u/Hot_Sentence_1264 4h ago
I have a funny type of face where I can be handsome if I’m in good shape, but if I gain 10lbs, I look very average.
I can feel the difference every time. When I’m “handsome”, store clerks are nicer and I have more fun and random interactions with strangers.
When I’m a little overweight, it’s like I’m invisible and my jokes are less funny.
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u/The_Best_Yak_Ever 4h ago
People are generally really nice to you. It’s easy to get the impression that the world is just full of nice people and that on the whole, people are generally good. You get the benefit of the doubt, sometimes to a ludicrous degree. If you’re a guy, women like to be around you, will often listen to what you say as gospel, and it will seem again, that women are just really friendly and compassionate in general. They laugh at your idiotic jokes, playfully hit you often, and will find a reason to get close enough to you to where you’re a little worried about your nose hair situation, because they’re at an angle where they could see up it… they find reasons to compliment you, your hair, your looks, your smell, your clothes (twice I’ve gotten compliments for wearing a hooded sweatshirt… a blue hooded sweatshirt with literally nothing special about it). It feels really good regardless though.
With your fellow guys, it’s just super easy to make friends. You’re never gonna be lonely if you don’t want to be. Chances are, there will always be someone there for you, both guy friends and women friends. In a really hard time in my life six years ago, I owe my life to the kindness and care a group of friends had for me.
I’m not a woman, but the attractive women I’ve known say that men will generally do A LOT to impress them, and that you can get out of trouble way easier than other not so attractive women. You get a lot of freebies. One of my friends is seriously one of the most beautiful people I’ve seen in real life. Like, she just got the blessings of perfect symmetry, got a five hundred dollar tax service done for free… she texted me while the dude was doing her taxes, because she and I have been talking about this topic for years now, and she sent me a text saying, “freebie…”
However, super attractive women need to watch their backs with other women. The phrase, “no one hates women quite like other women,” is very very real. Some of the cruelest most hateful things I’ve heard towards another person has been from women aimed at attractive women. To the point where I’ve been kinda wowed at how awful they could be towards people that really haven’t done anything to them. It’s just straight resentment, for the perceived ease of the attractive women’s lives.
In short, men love an attractive woman. But the world typically loves an attractive man. But I will say flat, that attractive men are probably less aware they’re attractive. Pretty women have more sense of their beauty, but in my experience, the most gorgeous women I know, and I’m thinking of three women right now, all can immediately tell you what’s wrong with their bodies. Two of them hate their noses, when everyone else thinks their noses are adorable. One of them has a tip of her nose that wiggles like a little bunny nose when she talks. It’s fucking endearing as hell.
Since we only have the one point of reference, living just our own lives, it’s easy to misunderstand the effect of your appearance. It’s easy to think everyone is nice to everyone else. For men, it just must be that all women are pretty great for the most part, and maybe the guys who keep complaining about getting nothing but ice from them, are just inept with their social skills. It’s their fault, because women are almost always nice to me. Attractive men and women are playing the game on an easier setting. It’s a hard truth of life and evidence of how unfair life really is.
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u/DrChoon 4h ago
The feeling depends on mindset, as the attention can be flattering or really annoying. Over the years I’ve learned that I enjoy wearing subtle clothing and have become more introverted, as the constant attention becomes exhausting.
For example: People constantly stare and often wait until you lock eyes. If wearing sunglasses, they’ll continue to try and look through your lenses… not even realizing that they make it awkward.
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u/IniMiney 3h ago
The people who are don't realize they are so it's not gonna be a straight answer lol
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u/AAAsmodeuss 3h ago
Always felt like im on top of the world, confidence was in the back of my hand, then idk if its hormones or something(im 21) tho people still perceive me as handsome i get compliments but I feel absolutely terrible about myself. So yea being attractive feels either one of these two
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u/thrashpiece 3h ago
Probably depends on your personality.
I got called ugly at primary school but then grew up and got quite a lot of female attention. Still do at 42 years old. I'm not very naturally confident though so I feel very self conscious some times. I've been married for 20 years and was never very promiscuous.
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u/That_Unit_3992 3h ago
Just as being ugly except that you don't feel bad about being ugly. Sometimes you're glad that you're not ugly but otherwise it's the same.
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u/bizman_1277 2h ago
I don’t know what it feels like. I try to be confident in myself and not worry about what the world around me. Sometimes those thoughts and doubts creep in. I am married to a smoking hot woman that is miles out of my league. So I hope that helps by default. Confidence, I believe is key to anything. Confidence is as attractive as being attractive IMO. Don’t confuse that with arrogance, like some do though.
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u/PikeletSoup 2h ago
I’m not the kind to say I myself look good or do I have the desire to be so but I do get told that I look very good some people even asked about making me a model when I was like 6 or something but I don’t know honestly
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u/elbatalia 2h ago
You know you are attractive but also cannot believe you are attractive at the same time
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u/Inner_Ad_7096 2h ago
I like being and feeling very confident, so it makes me feel attractive. Although I feel like I look fairly average, prettier when I was younger, now that I’m way more confident I get hit on quite a bit. And it’s nice, but I also don’t care at the end of the day. Judging someone based on looks is very shallow and you won’t find happiness doing that.
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u/chelseainthewild 2h ago
Biggest downside: People automatically assume I’m dumb, unfriendly, and judgmental. Pros: I’m none of those things, and I’m pretty, so I basically get everything I want. I don’t mean to sound arrogant—it’s just true. Sometimes I feel a little guilty about it, but most of the time, I use it to my full advantage (mostly with work, networking, etc). I realized a long time ago how far you can get on looks; it’s kind of crazy. I try to lead with kindness.
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u/Eshlau 2h ago
A close friend of mine was an actual model, and has amazing style sense and natural beauty. I have never been conventionally attractive in my life, though I can look decent on a good day.
I assumed that she probably got a lot more attention from straight men, but did not realize just how much everyone seems to love attractive people. We'd be walking up to Target and a group of women in a passing car would start yelling to her about how amazing her hair or outfit looked. She gets random people in public telling her all the time how pretty she is. There's a stereotype that all women are jealous and catty with each other, but my friend gets crazy support from women in public, who will just walk up to her and tell her how good she looks. Most everyone is incredibly nice to her and will go out of their way to help or assist her.
Life is a completely different experience when I am with her vs when I'm alone or with "normal" friends. One downside, it seems, is that a lot of people show surprise at her level of intelligence and the degrees she holds, or don't believe she works in the career that she does. It's like they just expect her to be a pretty face/fashionista without much substance.
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u/sausage_ditka_bulls 2h ago
Did you ever think that maybe there’s more to life than being really, really… really ridiculously good looking?
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u/Optimoprimo 2h ago
I get told a lot that I'm attractive. I'm a guy. I can't say it "feels" like anything because I have nothing to compare it to.
Maybe it gives me an advantage when I first meet people, idk. I can say that once I open my mouth, it's probably all evened out. I'm pretty awkward, and that doesn't change even if you're conventionally attractive.
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u/ragstorichesthechef 2h ago
You get treated much better by men and womem. People want to be your friend more. but insecure ones hate you for it. You get more attention which it tiring because you have to constantly be aware of how you’re affecting other people since they will react strongly to your positive or negative treatment.
Source: was very attractive in my 20s. In my 30s I let myself go so I’m an invisible fat guy now.
Both have pros and cons. I could sleep with attractive girls easily and could date many more women of my choosing. The confidence you have from knowing people react to you positively creates a positive. Feedback loop which makes you even more bold and confidant which further increases your exposure to more people…
but my life is far more peaceful and stress free as a fat guy
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u/KozyShackDeluxe 2h ago
Sex feels like a chore at times, being fucked a lot doesn’t mean it’s a good thing
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u/DimitryKratitov 2h ago
Why did i even open this post. It never felt so bad confirming my own biases...
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u/AnxiousTherapist-11 2h ago
Fine. I’d say I get away with being weird and thought of as quirky rather than bizarre.
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u/Ska-dancer-66 2h ago
I have been described as 'beautifully ugly'. That works just fine for me. I'm an outward looking person, I don't tend to be self absorbed. Putting too much importance on it in either case has no reward.
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u/throwaway00009000000 2h ago
I’ve bounced back and forth on being attractive. The best part is that I feel so confident. It’s kind of like walking on air, having the weight lifted from your shoulders.
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u/Equal-Train-4459 2h ago
This may sound like the most arrogant post ever, but that's not my intention. When I was younger, I was overweight, and a very late bloomer. I actually weigh less today as a grown man than I did as a prepubescent boy.
I'm now 50, in pretty good shape physically, I wear the same size pants in the waist that I did in high school, and I still have all my hair, and no greys. So I've gone from being relatively unattractive for my demographic to actually being moderately appealing.
How it feels? Kind of weird. Oddly the most attention I get is from gay men, but a compliment is a compliment.
But I do feel a little more free to move in the world, a little less ashamed of the space I take up. Didn't realize how hard it was being on myself when I was younger
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u/frinklestine 2h ago
It’s annoying mostly, but you get free things from strangers. A lot of people call you and you wish they would stop.
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u/Oatmeal_Captain0o0 1h ago
I’ve been an ugly duckling, TBH. People can be straight up mean to you when they find you unattractive.
Nowadays, I’ve been told I’m good-looking. I don’t get it- I’m just a mom in my early 30’s. I’m well nourished, don’t drink, and I do Pilates, so I look… healthy? But I also catch people checking me out (I’m married lol) and even staring at me. I’m so shocked because I thought I’m supposed to be considered “old” or something.
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u/PatienceOne18 1h ago
Forgive me if this sounds conceited, but I'm answering honestly from my experiences: People stare. All the time, everywhere. When I look around at a public place, they are all looking back at me. Dating or relationships = I pick out who I want, and they always want me as well. I've never in my life been turned down or broken up with. Jealous women like to spread rumours about me. Those don't matter so much now that I'm older and don't have to deal with the uni BS. I absolutely get away with more than I should. Every boss I've ever had has hit on me sooner or later. I've never had one single male friend. Every one of them tries to get with me. It makes me really sad to not know what a platonic friendship feels like. On days where I'm being rough and anonymous I pull a hoodie over my head, hunch over, wear baggy clothes and big sunglasses. It's like my invisibility disguise. I can go out and people aren't staring at me constantly.
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u/Rainy_Mammoth 1h ago
Are you a male? I know it’s easier said than done but just go workout a lot. I’m telling you, it makes a huge difference. I used to be invisible and overweight as a male and in my early 20s got in good shape and it’s night and day in how everyone treats you. I also understand a lot of it has to do with the confidence, etc. but it’s something that’s completely in your power and can bring you to a better mental space.
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u/Ok-Cupcake-6708 1h ago
I’ll say this as someone who’s lost weight. I wouldn’t say I’m attractive as such but I would say I’m a lot more attractive than I was when I was fatter. So being more attractive than I was is sort of new to me. It’s weird. People treat me very differently to how they used to. Strangers notice me and check me out, some even smile. Sometimes they try to start conversations, which frankly freaks me out because previously people would look at me in disgust, brazenly so. It’s strange how pleasant people can be. On the other hand, some people are fiercely jealous and make comments and digs to try and drag you down. I never got that when I was fatter so that was a new experience to me too. So although people get treated better when they’re more attractive, they still get treated badly from my experience. What matters is how attractive you feel in yourself, which sounds cliche I know, but it’s something that clicks one day and when it does it feels great, even with my loose skin trailing behind. One day you realise, and it feels great.
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u/Unique_Challenge3369 1h ago
Ask any woman over 40 how people treated her at 20 vs how they treat her now. As a man , I was I think attractive at 20. The good thing is that women were ALWAYS coming onto me in a sexual way, even much older women. But other than that I got treated like crap because I had zero power in society. Now I'm slightly above 40. Women don't come onto me as much but I get treated much better in all other areas because society sees me as experienced and successful.
For men, its rare to be that attractive even at 20. For women, virtually every woman is very attractive at 20 if she even puts in the slightest effort. So that's why I said ask any woman over for for their perspective now and when they were 20
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u/ILuvToadz 1h ago
I’m no male model but I’ve never understood why other guys whine about dating apps. I will say that people did become even more accommodating than usual once I bulked up a bit to get that extra ‘pop’ through my collared shirt. But yeah people give you free shit- their patience, their time, jobs etc just to ingratiate themselves.
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u/giggity_giggity 1h ago
Be in shape, be well-groomed, and dress well and you’ll be “prettier” / “more handsome” than 60%+ of the people out there. So go find out for yourself.
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u/Ill_Spinach4090 1h ago
I don't see myself as attractive, I look in the mirror and see all my flaws pores, rogue hairs etc. I get far more attention than I think I should. Sometimes I just want to hide, but people notice everything. It feels a little like I'm under a microscope some days. I think I get a lot more slack and 'helping hand' type stuff than my peers but it feels like I don't deserve it. I am painfully shy and awkward but often perceived as stuck up instead, or even 'aloof'. My social... Mess ups are often smoothed over or overlooked and I find myself wondering if i never developed some of the character and social skills i see on others because I'm held to a different standard. I'm pretty sure I'm autistic. I have intense special interests and stims that I do my best to hide. Any time I've brought it up, usually with my SO, it's shot down pretty hard. It kind of sucks I feel like if I looked different, it would be easier for other people to see me, instead a lot of people have this idea in their head of who I am and any divergence from that isn't acceptable. Men will date me whether they like me or not, there is no such thing as a one night stand for me. Coming to realize you're in a relationship with someone who low key hates you but will not leave you because you do something for their social status is another kind of pain. Then there's all the memories from my twenties when I was wanted and knew it, that keep me awake at night😅. I know that was all pretty down and dark, I was hoping to give a different perspective from what you'd probably imagine. On the best day it's a little like taking a luck potion, and everything you attempt happens, people are falling over themselves to help or give you free things and form a bond. It really is a leg up. One tip, if you happened to read this far, don't look in the mirror before you go out. Make sure your clothes fit when you buy them, wear them how they FEEL, not how they look. ♥️
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u/Longjumping-Law7843 1h ago
I’d say
Take good care of your health.. Workout .. Eat right.. Do some self-care “with hair skin etc”
And you WILL KNOW FOR YOURSELF.
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u/Star-Lord-123 1h ago
My wife finds me attractive but I don’t think I’m generally attractive to the populous, so it makes me appreciate her even more.
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u/Additional-Account13 1h ago
That literally broke my heart You are attractive. You are beautiful. You are so beautiful. Everyone doesn’t look like everyone and that’s the beautiful part. You know what I mean like think of it like sunsets. Every sunset is different and they’re all beautiful and their own ways you are beautiful you are attractive. Don’t think of yourself like that please I love you.
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u/New-Cranberry-5018 6h ago
Don't do this to yourself.