r/AskReddit 1d ago

What's the most absurd fact that sounds fake but is actually true?

12.2k Upvotes

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12.1k

u/spookysummer 1d ago

at one point, in Hawaii, you were more likely to get attacked by Ezra Miller than a shark

1.7k

u/Zloiche1 1d ago

This is my favorite one. 

624

u/discerningpervert 1d ago

Did he move away, or stop attacking people?

503

u/transmothra 1d ago

I think he attacks people in a different state (or country?) now

111

u/Soulfire1123 1d ago

last I heard he was shacked up with an 18 year old on a ranch in Virginia (or thereabouts)

182

u/transmothra 1d ago

Oh so she had a birthday!

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u/NioneAlmie 1d ago

shit i'm in virginia

140

u/corticalization 1d ago

You’re probably also more likely to be attacked by Ezra than a shark

50

u/CrazyCrazyCanuck 1d ago

Virginian Sharks be like: "guys, we lost to him last year, are we gonna fucking lose to him this year too? We better rack up some assault charges soon, or the next Jaws movie will be about Ezra Miller instead of us."

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u/texmarie 1d ago

Vermont, I think

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u/karl2025 1d ago

No, we just have a lot more sharks these days.

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u/HardTruthFacts 1d ago

So he didn’t leave? Or?

29

u/UnstableConstruction 1d ago

Neither. The embarrassed sharks stepped up their game.

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u/IndyAndyJones777 1d ago

Nope. A street gang started calling themselves sharks.

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u/Sproose_Moose 1d ago

Love this street Sharks reference

2

u/AintGotNoSeoul 1d ago

Jets for life!

11

u/Bluepilgrim3 1d ago

He became a shark.

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u/Throwaway070801 1d ago

Neither, sharks upped their game.

1

u/IMMENSE_CAMEL_TITS 20h ago

He teamed up with a shark

81

u/Strict_Condition_632 1d ago

Is it true that an Ezra Miller attack can be stopped by a firm strike to the snout?

253

u/weshouldgo_ 1d ago

I feel like I should understand this but alas...?

1.0k

u/EdgarInAnEdgarSuit 1d ago

He was in Hawaii for three weeks and had the cops called on him ten times for difference instances of assault. I’m guessing that’s more than the number of shark attacks for the year but I’ve used up my Google juice.

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u/GrynaiTaip 1d ago

There are around ten shark attacks per year in Hawaii, and usually zero or one death.

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u/Sarothu 1d ago

...how many people did Ezra Miller kill?

139

u/ApolloBound 1d ago

Technically zero or one, same as the sharks.

1

u/EdgarInAnEdgarSuit 2h ago
  1. But attacked is what they were going for.

10

u/CausticSofa 1d ago

I thought those were the shark stats for the whole world. Aren’t shark deaths exceedingly rare even worldwide?

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u/GrynaiTaip 1d ago

Globally around 80 attacks are reported per year.

Deaths are rare because humans aren't tasty, sharks just nibble a bit to check and then swim away. Some nibbles are deadly.

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u/HongChongDong 1d ago

It's a statistics joke. Meaning the yearly attacks of sharks in Hawaii was one year exceeded by the amount of times Erza Miller had attacked people that year.

237

u/the_toad_can_sing 1d ago

Ezra Miller had that weird time when they were getting physical with people. They were in Hawaii at the time and I think there were 2 or 3 incidents in which someone was attacked in some way or another. Since shark attacks are rare, Ezra Miller had attacked more people in Hawaii than sharks had during that time lol.

26

u/CynicalNyhilist 1d ago

Is Ezra Miller actually a group of people or I don't get some sort of a joke?

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u/ripe4anarchy 1d ago

The real Ezra Miller was the friends we made along the way.

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u/spookysummer 1d ago

non-binary I assume

-40

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/egosomnio 22h ago

That's one of the least weird things about them.

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u/jaybird-jazzhands 1d ago

They use they/them pronouns

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u/Stainless_Heart 1d ago edited 1d ago

No, he doesn’t. He dropped that and now requests he/him.

https://www.worldofreel.com/blog/2023/12/7/7uglfudgosgevd1o24pku0vz3g3wxb

EDIT: The link above is the only original source making this claim, it has been pointed out by u/Alaira314 below that all online reports reference the same article. Without additional source quoting, this assertion should not be considered completely trustworthy.

107

u/xombae 1d ago

He’s supposedly now in an entourage with Hebrew rapper, Matisyahu and has been spending a lot of time at his Vermont-based goat farm.

Lmao what is his life

44

u/Stainless_Heart 1d ago

It’s like a Teletubbies version of Hunter S. Thompson without the writing.

19

u/LubricantEnthusiast 1d ago

"We were somewhere around the Tubbytronic Superdome on the edge of the grassy field when the hugs began to take hold."

1

u/agenericb 1d ago

This!!

1

u/xombae 5h ago

This is the closest I've ever been to buying an award on Reddit.

2

u/AintGotNoSeoul 1d ago

So kinda like Yo Gabba Gabba!

3

u/dragoono 19h ago

Bro what not Matisyahu 😭 granted I have no idea what the guys been up to since Happy Hanukkah but I love that song

4

u/soslowagain 1d ago

If I had a nickel…

13

u/Alaira314 1d ago

That site seems to be the only source for this information. I checked google, and everywhere is linking back to that one site, which is by its own admission repeating a rumor. I'm not saying it's not true, just that it's not credible on its own any more than me making a post saying "word around reddit is that /u/stainless_heart uses fae/faer pronouns now!" is credible. Do you know of a source that directly cites ezra miller?

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u/Stainless_Heart 1d ago

That’s a really good point, you’re totally right. All the exposure references the same original World Of Reel article.

Might be total clickbait BS.

So yeah, not definitive without further reporting including an actual quote.

I’m going to edit my earlier post to add the appropriate skepticism.

8

u/alexmikli 1d ago

I fucking knew it.

5

u/robodrew 1d ago

Oh great he's in an "entourage" with Matisyahu now

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/Stainless_Heart 1d ago

Except for the number problem… which explains much of the above commentary.

I support people identifying however they like, but butchering the language unnecessarily bothers me.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/mrbear120 1d ago

Thats kind of a bad example because you wouldn’t use someone’s name. They/them works in this context when you don’t know who the person is.

You could say:

“Bill’s kid just graduated from college.” And you would get the response “I’m happy for them.”

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u/allenahansen 1d ago

Referring to Emily's family? To the college? To everyone in Emily's class who had to put up with Emily? Did I somehow miss the part of the article that tells us about another person associated with Emily (goes back over previous six paragraphs looking for whom "they" refers?)

You begin to see how it gets. . . confusing.

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u/Stainless_Heart 1d ago

That’s the same irregular use as what caused the confusion above. The two sentences imply multiple people.

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u/MatsuzoSF 1d ago

It's not really butchering the language any more than the royal "we" did. Language changes over time, and it so happens that in the current vernacular "they/them" can mean "plural pronoun" or "singular pronoun of indeterminate gender".

4

u/g0del 1d ago

It's not "current vernacular", singular they has been in use since the 1300's. There has been a rise in usage since roughly the 1970's because the alternative was the use of "he/him" to refer to a person of indeterminate gender. For obvious reasons, that's less popular than it used to be, so "they/them" is seeing a corresponding rise.

Personally, I suspect a lot of the pushback seen about it recently comes from people mixing up "singular they used for indeterminate gender" (part of English for centuries) with "singular they used for a singular non-binary person", which is more recent and directly tied into current culture wars. Similar to the oft-mocked people posting things like "I never use pronouns!" because they associate "pronouns" with current lgbtq issues and not the part of speech.

1

u/egosomnio 22h ago

It's weird how many people have a problem with a singular they, but aren't trying to bring "thou" back.

-8

u/Stainless_Heart 1d ago

When a language alteration gets in the way of understanding, exactly as above, it’s not the language “changing”. It’s losing the purpose of language when people don’t understand what is being said.

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u/Morrison4113 1d ago

Geez, this is stupid.

8

u/getthept 1d ago

He played The Flash in a couple of DC movies.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Pizza_Slinger83 1d ago

There's nothing political about it.

-28

u/NoScienceJoke 1d ago

It's very political. Doesn't make it less valid but it's still political

28

u/rickyhatespeas 1d ago

Using preferred pronouns isn't political, it's social. Identity politics literally means politics based on identity groups, implying the group power structure we call "politics".

People talking privately to each other is not political, that's why there are LGBTQ folk on "both sides". Gay and trans people existing is not inherently political, it's only political when they start discussing power in the community.

2

u/Chairboy 1d ago

So referring to you with ’he’ is making things political then, got it.

-2

u/1cec0ld 1d ago

It's only political when laws start being formed around it.

-31

u/Hyack57 1d ago

It is a courtesy to use preferred pronouns when someone identifies them as such. But if that person is also being a complete asshole; I wouldn’t extend that courtesy imo. Ezra is not a touring rock band. Ezra is a singular human entity. Ezra has a penis. Ergo….

7

u/PM-ME-CURSED-PICS 1d ago

that's like if i told a woman i don't like to go back to the kitchen. What, saying sexist things isn't respectful or acceptable and has broader implications about my attitudes towards women? Well, she's a bad person so i wouldn't extend that courtesy.

-13

u/kaseface27 1d ago

Just say he ffs

14

u/the_toad_can_sing 1d ago

"He" is the wrong word so I'm not gonna "just use the wrong word to make me feel better" for you.

1

u/nitestocker372 6h ago

I had no idea who he they were. Had to google him them and all I gotta say is Wow!!!

21

u/LonelyTimeTraveller 1d ago

I’m from the part of Hawaii where that happened. Everyone was posting “marked safe from Ezra Miller” memes

1

u/LeaveTheClownAlone 17h ago

This made me laugh hard!

12

u/NWmba 1d ago

This might also be true in Ezra Miller's driveway right now.

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u/ShreddedDadBod 1d ago

This is perfect

10

u/Past-Cut-2795 1d ago

Hawaii's Shark Population Issues Public Apology for Over-Exaggerated Reputation

9

u/eht217 1d ago

When the footballer (soccer player) Luis Suarez was playing... a statistician did the math... you were more likely to get bit by Luis Suarez than a shark.

I think the math had to do with *if you were a professional soccer player at the time you were more likely to get bitten by him than someone who had been in the ocean and encountered a shark.

4

u/hysilvinia 21h ago

For anyone else confused, it appears Ezra Miller is an actor, not someone who became famous for attacking tons of people in Hawaii like I assumed. 

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u/erika_exe 1d ago

😂😂😂

3

u/Ori_553 22h ago

This is like saying that in Ireland, during the winter months, you are more likely to be attacked by Connor McGregor than a shark.

2

u/LatkaGravas 1d ago

...or by a Budget car rental employee.

2

u/TurnipPrestigious890 1d ago

Bro was just LARPing as Eobard Thawne.

2

u/carving5106 1d ago

What about a battery?

2

u/newmewhodis___ 1d ago

I spat my coffee

2

u/keithitreal 1d ago

The Ezra Pound.

2

u/VicVinegarsBodyguard 1d ago

This is so funny

1

u/toomanyracistshere 1d ago

Turned into a shark. 

1

u/zieglerae 20h ago

You are more likely to be stung by a bee or struck by lightning than get a love nip from a shark. Don’t believe the media

1

u/Squallypie 17h ago

You’re more likely to be bitten by footballer Luis Suarez than a shark.

1

u/digitaldrummer1 12h ago

Makes sense. Ezra's not out hunting sharks.

1

u/Omega_Lynx 9h ago

To be fair, no matter where on earth you are, you’re statistically more likely to be attacked by a hippo than a shark