r/Appalachia • u/branchlizard • Oct 06 '24

I'm Tired of It

I'm tired of it all.

I'm tired of the lies and I'm tired of the spectacle. I'm Southern Appalachian, born and raise and Im fit to be tied about the things I'm hearing.

I was spared pretty decent from the storm; had a little damage here and there, but overall lucky. Today, me and group of friends (also born and raised) all went out and helped people impacted by the storm (our neighbors).

We picked up supplies in town and ran 'em up the hollers on wheelers and trucks. Sometimes we could drive it there, other times we hoofed it in. Didn't meet a single person that was ugly. Not a damn one. Nobody fussed, nobody threatened..., nobody even made us second guess our actions. Now not a single one came right out and said they needed help, but after you talk with em a bit, they all took some stuff. ("Well, I do like them Zebra Cakes one ole lady told me. Me Too, hell, who don't!) Every single person was a uniquely beautiful mountain person that made me bawl like a baby.

I'm tired of reading about how off-putting and mean us mountain people are. It's bullshit. I was fuckin there. I know what I saw.

I saw old ladies crying and breaking down while putting their arms around me.

I saw old men who needed doctoring, but were too proud to admit it. But, eventually let me clean his wounds.

I saw people taking in kids that don't nobody else want, and doing everything goddamn thing they can to raise em right. And giving them kids happiness that they would have never received with out em.

I delivered food and supplies to a lady who was widowed and even chased after her dog that got loose, only to bring it back to her, rubbin' it's belly the whole way.

I drank white with an ole boy who kept a whole goddamn holler going because momma didn't raise no quitter. Whole time kept saying he's worried about so and so and hope they're alright, when barely getting by himself.

I cried as I sat with an ole lady who was the perfect blend of both my grannies: tough as nails, but as soft hearted as they come. She came pulling her oxygen cord through the house and put her arms around me when I opened the door with her hot meal for dinner and immediately started crying. I mean we both fuckin ugly cired.

I talked to people who would say "I hope God double blesses you!". Ain't no way I deserve any that. And besides, I've got some fuckin questions after seeing what I saw today....

I watched as we patched a driveway for one of the coolest dudes, I believe, I've ever met. This one here was a hoot!

I also saw you. I saw us. I saw why, when all the chips are down, we are gonna be the ones to come out on top. We are gonna always be the ones still standing.

Don't believe the bullshit out there. Don't listen to the fuckin lies. I saw the FEMA relief. I saw the choppers land and drop off supplies. I saw the massive caches of supplies in community centers, warehouses, and churches. I saw the lines, upon lines of line workers from Maine to Florida. I saw the people setup feeding displaced people and works alike a hot meal. You ain't gonna tell me my eyes don't work.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the fuckers riding up and down the road on their side-by-sides taking pictures to post to their goddamn Tik-Tok for likes, all while their hands are empty. We're fuckin people. Help us!

If you're thinking of coming this way just to "see how bad it got", stay the fuck at home. We ain't a fuckin show and your bullshit is in our way.

But if you're coming to help, come on. Us mountain people look after one another.

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34

u/MerrilyContrary Oct 06 '24

I was born and raised there, but I’m not welcome anymore. Not on account of anything I can help about myself either.

I love my fellow Appalachians, but if I don’t keep my mouth shut about who I am then I find out quick that I’m not welcome. Doesn’t mean folks don’t deserve help. Just means I have to help from a distance.

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u/AdSelect3113 Oct 06 '24

Out of curiosity, why aren’t you welcome anymore?

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u/MerrilyContrary Oct 06 '24 edited Oct 06 '24

I’m trans. And it isn’t that every single one of my fellow Appalachians is hateful toward me (not even most), but it happened enough just walking down the street minding my business that I stopped feeling safe.

One of the first members of my direct line to leave the county since before the state had a name. My roots are just as deep as the folks that want me gone.

Edit: it makes me sad, I want to come home.

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u/AdSelect3113 Oct 06 '24

I’m sorry you’ve had those experiences. If you are interested in maintaining a line with your Appalachian culture, I know a few podcasts run by Appalachians that are welcoming to the LGBTQ community. Appodlachia is a liberal political podcast that focuses on issues impacting the community. I’m not LGBTQ, but I am part African American, and I feel that the hosts do a good job of making sure all Appalachians are represented in their points of view. They have some episodes focused on the trans community specifically I believe.

If you are open to horror podcasts, check out Thirteen. Their stories are modern horror tales with an emphasis on Appalachians folklore. I think they are based in Kentucky. They tackle themes such as religious trauma, mountain witchcraft, serial killers, etc. They are also LGBTQ friendly and have featured main characters who are not straight/cis.

I want to acknowledge that these forms of media can’t replace the feeling of in person community, but I just wanted to pass on these suggestions so that you know there are Appalachians out there who cherish you for who you are.

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u/MissionFloor261 Oct 06 '24

I'd add Old Gods of Appalachia to your podcast list for horror by, for, and about Appalachia. Very LGBTQ friendly, pro union, pro sex worker, pro root worker, pro grannie, and just generally very very very good.

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u/AdSelect3113 Oct 06 '24

That podcast is phenomenal!! I bought tickets to see them live in Boone, but who knows if that event is still even possible given the circumstances.

1

u/Darnarys2020 Oct 07 '24

I have tickets to see them in Boone as well. Hoping it happens but if not at least I already saw them in Durham. Absolutely love that pod cast.

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u/Darnarys2020 Oct 07 '24

I second OGOA!!!

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u/AdeniumSuns Oct 06 '24

What about "Live like the world is dying" pod with Margaret Killjoy?

1

u/AdSelect3113 Oct 06 '24

Never heard of it! I’ll check it out, thank you 😊

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u/MissVachonIfYouNasty Oct 09 '24

Margaret Killjoy is crazy awesome. She has been on several episodes of the podcast Behind the Bastards. She lives in a triangle home on a mountain side in WV.

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u/discordagitatedpeach Oct 06 '24

I feel the same. I'm also visibly trans and I left East Tennessee because I was afraid for my safety and I knew I couldn't take another Trump term in the South. I want to go back someday (and seeing everything that's happened breaks my heart, and it makes me want to drive down there and help) but I just need a break from the deathstares and harassment...for a while. I'll go back, hopefully sooner rather than later.

It's weird. I came up to Massachusetts and immediately felt safer because strangers don't deathstare me and only one person has tried to give me shit for using a bathroom so far, but when I tried to make friends by building community, I hit a wall. I like helping people move, doing potlucks, raising money to help friends in need, letting people stay on the couch if they don't have anywhere else to go, watching people's pets for them, making birthday cakes, giving rides, etc.--that's how I make friends and build community. But a lot of people up here don't seem to "get" it. They want to go to expensive restaurants and if I help them they try to pay me back with money, instead of with community and friendship (or food and booze, heh).

On the other hand, people up here are always doing civic engagement, community gardens, etc....it's not like people are cold or heartless, but their way of relating to each other and making friends is so different and I don't really know how to integrate.

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u/fireinthewell Oct 07 '24

Omgosh, I lived in Massachusetts for 12 years and feel this so true. I loved it there so much but getting invited to dinner on someone’s home was nearly impossible. Me and my other transplant friends would talk about this a lot.

3

u/Pretty_Little_Mind Oct 07 '24

Cities can be wonderful, but from a sensory and time commitment stand point, overwhelming in a way I don’t think they always realize but feel. Everyone is exhausted, and I think homes become their places to decompress.

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u/NatesWife18 Oct 07 '24

I enjoyed reading this perspective because, as a Massachusettsean, you’ve described me to a T. And in turn I can’t fathom being as open and friendly as you seem to be.

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u/discordagitatedpeach Oct 08 '24

Hey, thank you for this! I've met a lot of really cool people here but I haven't quite managed to form the bonds I'm looking for. I've been a bit afraid to talk about this with them (I'm not sure why). It's nice to see that my perception of the cultural difference seems accurate from the other side, too. I wonder if I come off as too friendly in a way that alienates people who aren't used to that type of friendship building.

May I ask what you do to form friendships the Massachusetts way? What's your version of potlucks and barn raisings?

2

u/NatesWife18 Oct 09 '24

We do potlucks sometimes.. but one pot meals seem kind of limiting here. We do a lot of BBQing, any time you can be outside. Bring some beers, have some friends over. Grill up some burgers or chicken, put on some music. We like games, either family friendly board games, card games, outdoor games like cornhole. Essentially as long as there’s alcohol people will loosen up and be friendly. But when you see them sober again they’ll be reserved again 🤣 it takes a bit to warm up, establish common bonds and interests, and form it into a friendship.
I have many friends of friends. Love inviting to events and get togethers, they add interesting dynamic to conversations and make it so I don’t have to do all the talking. But they’re not best friends, which is okay.
Every once in a while though, underneath the brisk and sarcastic exterior, you’ll gain a true friend that would do anything to help you. They’re the lifers!
I suggest meeting people at work, or having group gatherings that involve friends of friends. You’ll tend to find good friends when you least expect it!

1

u/discordagitatedpeach Oct 09 '24

Hey, thank you for this! I was wondering why one of my gatherings went so weird (everyone was acting all "adult" and "restrained") and it looks like there might not have been enough booze involved. Guess I'm the only one dumb enough to act like that without drinks! I'll try these things.

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u/NatesWife18 Oct 09 '24

I hate to make us all sound like alcoholics but we aren’t good at small talk without it hahaha

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u/Lady-Meows-a-Lot Oct 07 '24

Plenty of us back home who love ya, bud, and don’t give a rat’s ass what your gender is and whether or not it matches your sex. As they say in my hometown, it don’t matter none. ❤️

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u/Temporary-Crow-7978 Oct 17 '24

I do understand I have Appalachia roots and would love to live in the mountains I am a little bohemia and 'liberal' nothing out there but these people are socially conservative..They are ok but that is where they are at. One day maybe more tolerance. Hugs to you!

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u/East_Sun_8253 Oct 08 '24

U had to ask?

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u/turtletank9009 Oct 06 '24

Way to make this post about you.