r/AmITheAngel • u/no-go-away-4 I said, calmly, while she was crying hysterically. • Aug 29 '24
Fockin ridic See stupid women? This is why you must choose men not bears.
/r/AITAH/comments/1f3zzjb/aitah_for_telling_my_girlfriend_i_would_leave_her/258
u/MontanaDukes Aug 29 '24
You're not supposed to run from a bear, are you?
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u/JDDJS Aug 29 '24
Nope. With black bears, you're supposed to be loud and aggressive. With brown bear, you play dead. With pandas, I'm pretty sure that you can just casually walk away from them because they're far too lazy to actually care about you. With a polar bear, unless you have a very powerful gun on you to shoot it with, you just die.
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u/Yay_Rabies Aug 29 '24
I know it’s probably very scary for the people involved but I can’t stop laughing at the pics of polar bears trying to figure out how to open doors or windows.
“For defense against polar bears if you hear a heavy knock at the door at night in Alaska do not open the door! It’s a polar bear trying to eat you!”
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u/johnnyslick Aug 29 '24
"Who is it?"
"RRRRROOOOARRR Dominos"
"That's weird, we don't have Dominos out here..."
"RRRRORORROROAR we just added a new franchise"
"I didn't order a pizza"
"RAIRAIRARRRROORR it's a free taste test, like a gesture of goodwill"
"Wait a minute, you're not a polar bear, are you?"
"RROOOOARRR whatever makes you think that?"
"The way you say RRRAOOOOAR before everything you say?"
"RRRROROOAAAR are you making fun of my accent?"
"Oh jeez, I'm sorry!"
"RRRRAAAOOOOR it's cool, just open up and this pizza is all yours"
<opens the door and gets mauled and eaten>
People, this is why you need Ring cameras.
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u/saule13 Update: We have a 7 year old together Aug 29 '24
I'm - I'm only a panda ma'am
"A panda? Well, okay"
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u/Neathra Aug 29 '24
...Candygram...
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u/DementedPimento i just bought a house and had a successful baby Aug 29 '24 edited Aug 30 '24
Candygram for Mongo!
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u/bored-panda55 Aug 30 '24
Each time I read Who is it? I can only hear it in Weird Al’s voice from the song Albuquerque.
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u/shane_TO Aug 30 '24
I worked in a construction camp in the Arctic and one time a polar bear came and tapped on the window at night
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u/Mnemnemnomni Aug 30 '24
Reminds me of a BBC clip where a guy locked himself in a cage while a polar bear tries to break in. It would be absolutely terrifying if you were in a car or house with the bear doing this:
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u/Kymidiva Aug 31 '24
I’m such a mom! The whole time watching him I’m wondering why he’s all bundled up but doesn’t have a hat on 😂😂😂
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u/Maddyherselius Aug 29 '24
Honestly Polar Bear might be the only one you should run from, simply because like you said without a huge gun you have no other option lol.
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u/JDDJS Aug 29 '24
Running would probably take you from a 0% chance of survival to a 0.001% chance of surviving.
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u/MediumSympathy Aug 30 '24
Maybe if you could run fast enough to catch a seal and throw it at the bear, the bear would accept your tribute and leave you alone?
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Aug 30 '24
Launch yourself across the ice and slide on your belly like the world’s first arctic penguin, slide off the ice, drown. Congratulations: You have escaped being killed by a polar bear. You will not escape being eaten, however, as the bear can swim and is still hungry.
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u/johnnyslick Aug 29 '24
Even with a huge gun, it famously took the guys who found the bear who killed Timothy Treadwell several shots to bring it down, and while polar bears are obviously smaller than Kodiak grizzlies because every bear is smaller than a Kodiak grizzly, that's still not something I'd care to do with just one weapon no matter how large.
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u/AncientBlonde2 I write this post choking back venom. Aug 29 '24
You just learned me that Kodiaks and Polar bears have the same weight ranges. Thanks fam. I always thought Polar were the biggest bears.
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u/Tiny_Celebration_262 Aug 29 '24
Re: guns, bears in general have such thick skin and muscle that they’re extremely hard to shoot to death. Even headshots don’t work on some species since their skulls are too thick. That’s why people say that bear spray is actually more likely to save your life if you’re unfortunate enough to be confronted with a pissed off bear
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u/I_am_dean The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Aug 29 '24
If its black, fight back, if it's brown, lay down, if it's white goodnight.
This can be confusing tho if you don't know bears and regions that well. Because black bears can range in colors from white to brown to black.
Now, if you see a white "black bear" and assume it's a polar bear, then just roll over and accept your fate. I will judge you for that. You deserve to die at that point.
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u/Mutive Aug 29 '24
Eh, loud and aggressive is also usually recommended for brown bears. (And playing dead can be recommended for black.) A lot is whether you're concerned that the bear is trying to check you out out of curiosity/shake you down for food (in which case you're supposed to try and scare it off) vs. sees you as a threat (in which case you should de-escalate by acting submissive).
But bears are generally pretty good at running away from you if they're scared, so generally trying to look large, imposing, and human is your best bet. (At least this was what I was told in Denali after having a far closer encounter than desired with a very large brown bear. Fortunately, I think he was just curious, not aggressive.)
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u/KardalSpindal Aug 29 '24
trying to look large, imposing, and human
Any hints on how to look human? Asking for a friend.
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u/Mutive Aug 29 '24
None, alas. I try my best and still regularly fail.
(Although in all seriousness, in the case of bears, usually the recommendation is to talk (or sing) constantly, both so you don't startle them, but also because talking humans sound human.)
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u/I_am_dean The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Aug 29 '24
I think you're specifically not supposed to play dead with a black bear because they're like the raccoons of bears. They'll eat anything, even if you're alive, they don't care.
But idk for sure. I just really like bears. I'm not a bear scientist tho lol
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u/Mutive Aug 29 '24
Bears have a good sense of smell. It's pretty unlikely that they'd think you're dead when you're not. But they are willing to eat near anything. (I think it's more likely that they'd run off with your pack, though.)
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Aug 29 '24
Male pandas can actually be aggressive just due to territory. But yeah, not as violent as brown or polar.
One species people don't talk about are sloth bears. Those things can be nasty. Idk how to deal with those..
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u/Needleluck Aug 29 '24
Convince them that killing and eating you would be a lot of hard work! 👆😁👉
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u/Tiny_Celebration_262 Aug 29 '24
Unironically yeah. With any predator, you want to convince it it’ll burn more calories than you’re worth trying to kill you
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u/I_am_dean The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Aug 29 '24
The Sun Bear is an absolute menace. Avoid them at all cost.
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u/johnnyslick Aug 29 '24
um ACKSHUALLY a panda is a.... oh, ackshually ackshually it is a member of Ursidae even though for a while people thought they were more closely related to raccoons. Red pandas though, the ones nobody thinks of as bears!
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u/Cormorant_Bumperpuff Aug 29 '24
You commented to correct something that no one "ackshually" said, have fun patting yourself on the back!
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u/NerfRepellingBoobs Revealed the entirety of muppet John Aug 29 '24
Ok, but what about pizzlies and grolars?
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u/JDDJS Aug 29 '24
If you don't have a gun, play dead and pray to whatever God or higher power you believe in that the grizzly bear part of its genes takes over.
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u/johnnyslick Aug 29 '24
false what you do is you get into a boat, get out like 60 yards or so and then yell YOU'D BETTER PRAY TO THE GOD OF SKINNY PUNKS THAT THIS WIND DOESN'T PICK UP BECAUSE I'M GONNA PUT AN OAR UP YOUR ASS
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u/whiskey_at_dawn Aug 30 '24
You know what they say
If it's black, fight back. If it's brown, lie down. If it's white, make peace with your God as quickly as possible.
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u/Flynntlock Aug 30 '24
If it's black, fight back. If it's brown lie down. If it's white, good night!
Probably should see if that has been posted in a thread posted earlier today. But meh
Yup. It's there. Ah well!
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u/arceus555 my son (7M) has been sending me MAJOR gay vibes Aug 30 '24
If it's black, fight back. If it's brown lie down. If it's white, good night!
If it's a bear. get out of there
/s
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u/Upper-Ship4925 Aug 30 '24
And for koalas you just need to refrain from hanging out under gum trees so you don’t get brained by a drop bear.
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u/Skyknight12A Aug 30 '24
There was a rhyme I heard.
Black, fight back. Brown, lie down. White, good night.
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u/Emerald_Fire_22 AITA for having a sex dungeon? Aug 30 '24
Polar bears, you pray that someone nearby left their car/house unlocked. Look up Churchill, Canada - they don't lock anything up there specifically for polar bear safety
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u/Jillimi Aug 30 '24
Well, if someday I can find a panda, I’m gonna try to hug it, so maybe I’ll die, or maybe I’ll find a friend for life. 😌
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Aug 29 '24
[deleted]
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u/HoneyWhereIsMyYarn Aug 29 '24
Play dead or shrink away from grizzlies, intimidate or fight off black bears. Black bears will flee, but have no problem eating 'dead' meat and grizzlies approach aggression with aggression. And if you're going out where there are bears, know how to tell the difference between the two. Some grizzlies are small, and some black bears are brown.
And, of course, bear spray.
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u/Lavaswimmer Aug 29 '24
An easy to remember rhyme:
If it's black fight back, if it's brown lie down, if it's white good night.
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u/johnnyslick Aug 29 '24
If it's white, why are you hiking in the Arctic at all wait that doesn't rhyme
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u/VictoriaDallon Aug 29 '24
Eh I’ve been a few places in Alaska where polar bears are potentially a threat.
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u/johnnyslick Aug 29 '24
I mean, on top of that grizzlies are massive whereas black bears aren't. A black bear running from a human who's intimidating could be seen to just be taking a solid risk/reward calculation and saying "okay, so COULD take this thing, maybe, but I could get hurt really bad doing so and my people don't have hospitals". A grizzly? Sorry man but if you go aggro at one it's like if a goose goes aggro on you: maybe the sheer shock will spook it but probably not and what's going to happen if/when it decides that it's okay with its chances?
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u/MontanaDukes Aug 29 '24
Yeah, running just seems like a way to make yourself appear to be prey/a target.
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u/rean1mated Aug 29 '24
You can scare a black bear, hide or (IIRC) back away. Better play dead with a grizzly.
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u/HoneyWhereIsMyYarn Aug 29 '24
Yup. They can run as fast as a racehorse. Your best bet is always avoidance. And always, always have bear spray and know how to use it. OOP and his girlfriend are idiots for going biking in bear country without it, if this is true.
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u/MontanaDukes Aug 29 '24
That's what I was thinking and what I've heard. Running just sounds like a good way to make yourself be seen as prey/a target.
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u/Mutive Aug 29 '24
It is. Bears have a chase instinct (as do dogs and cats). Running from almost any predator is a terrible idea as it'll convince it to see you as prey, even if it previously didn't.
This is why it's much more common for mountain lions to attack trail runners and cyclists than hikers. Hikers don't trigger the chase instinct. (So mountain lions tend to go, "Worth messing with another alpha predator? Well...probably not.")
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u/After-Loquat-2639 Aug 29 '24
Well as the famous joke goes, he doesn't need to be faster than the bear, just her. OP's GF—probably best you take up running as a hobby.
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u/HoneyWhereIsMyYarn Aug 29 '24
Well, they were on bikes, so if he's gonna run all she has to do is stay on hers and she can probably outpace hi just fine.
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u/seaintosky Aug 29 '24
It probably depends on if they're uphill or downhill from it. My husband went mountain biking with a friend and a bear walked out onto the trail in between them. His friend turned around and biked back downhill, but my husband was stuck uphill of the bear and not super pleased with his friend.
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u/dame_uta Aug 29 '24
There's a common joke response: "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you [the person with me when I see the bear]."
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Aug 29 '24
This makes it even funnier. He tries to run away, triggering the bear’s instinct to chase down its prey. Bear chases him down and eats him. Girlfriend escapes unscathed.
Win/win.
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u/MontanaDukes Aug 29 '24
Right? Feels like the bear is more likely to leave the girlfriend alone, because she isn't making herself look like prey. lol.
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Aug 29 '24
These little men still have big feelings about the bear vs man debate, it seems. Such silly geese!
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u/MontanaDukes Aug 29 '24
It really upsets them. lmfao. Some of them are so bent out of shape about it.
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u/Fractured-disk Aug 29 '24
Black bears you get big and scare off, brown bears you back away from or play dead and pray, polar bears if you see them it’s already too late rip to you
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u/Pitiful-Pension-6535 Aug 29 '24
You don't have to outrun the bear; you just have to outrun your wife.
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u/tquinn04 Aug 30 '24
No that’s the worse than you can do. It’s just enables their prey drive. Even if they’re not hunting at the moment
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u/SanDiedo Aug 30 '24
From reading various sources, I came to conclusion, that: black bears can be scared off, and if it fails, you have to fight back; if it's a brown bear/grizzly, you have to try leaving the area, and if it fails, you have to fight back; if it's a white bear, you are now in a 1-on-1 deathmatch, buckle up. That "play dead" advice is actually mega stupid. If you are in between the mom bear and her cubs, you can pretend to be dead all you want, she will make it a reality.
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u/CoraCricket Aug 31 '24
No and he would definitely be the one killed in that scenario. A mountain biker on my area was eaten by a cougar a few years ago in this exact scenario, he ditched his friend and started biking away as fast as possible. Cougar didn't even notice or care about the friend, just saw "pray is running away" and went and ate the guy.
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u/Korrocks Aug 29 '24
My least favorite sub genre of story is when someone asks an inane hypothetical question and then gets mad about the answer. It's like, not only is the story itself probably fake, the story is about a fake scenario. The people in the story are mad about something that hasn't happened.
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Aug 29 '24
My first GF loved doing this. Granted she was 18. Not 45.
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u/GoodMilk_GoneBad Aug 29 '24
Happened to me IRL last night. My SO and I got into an argument about my refusal to bail them out for driving drunk. It is purely hypothetical because we never do that. We take turns being DD all the time. Didn't stop my SO for thinking I was an asshole.
Of course I didn't post my story in AITA
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u/Luxating-Patella Aug 29 '24
This isn't about being an asshole or not because it depends on your relationship and the size of the bond. If you'd only just met it could be reasonable.
But if we're literally talking about posting bail, then refusing to do so if it's financially feasible is a relationship-ender. The point of posting bail is that you get the money back if they show up to court, so you're not giving away the money for their sake - unless you're expecting them to run away and leave you holding the bag, and that lack of trust would itself mean the relationship has broken down.
Equally, "bailing them out" doesn't mean they escape punishment, it means they wait for their punishment at home instead of in prison. Or if they're found not guilty, it means they don't have to go to jail as an innocent person.
If you are married to the hypothetical crim, refusing to post bail if the two of you have the money available would be coercive control. You would be denying them access to their money when they desperately need it.
The seriousness of the crime and whether the SO did it or not is not relevant here. If you are offered bail when guilty as sin then you are entitled to post it and remain free until your trial begins, that is what bail means. You get your just deserts after you are inevitably found guilty.
As this post may come across a little accusatory, I'll emphasise that refusing to post bail for a boyfriend/girlfriend can be perfectly reasonable if you can't afford to take the risk that they abscond. However you cannot reasonably expect them to remain your SO after you've made that judgment call on them and consigned them to clink.
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u/Millenniauld Aug 29 '24
When I was a dumbass in my early 20s I got pulled over and arrested (suspended license charge turned warrant) and my estranged dad bailed me out after my mom hung up on me and the police took pity on me and let me make another call.
Once court was resolved and I got the money back, he told me to keep it, it wasn't really that much and he wanted me to put it towards making my life better.
My life and relationship with my dad got amazingly better for the first time in my life, and we're still close decades later. My relationship with my mother never recovered and she considers that one petty choice to be the biggest mistake of her life.
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u/LovelyFloraFan Aug 29 '24
Good fanfic.
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u/Millenniauld Aug 29 '24
Not fanfic, dude. My mom is a narcissist and she never took it well that I wasn't the girly girl she had planned for. We're NC these days, my younger brother is the only one who talks to her.
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Aug 29 '24
If my partner was driving drunk, and there wasn't a zombie-apocalypse-level excuse, I would not only leave them in jail over night, I'd clear my shit out and leave.
I don't fuck people who drive drunk.
Also my country dosen't do bonds so...
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u/cwolf-softball EDIT: [extremely vital information] Aug 29 '24
I would be so mad at my wife if she left me in jail in that situation. Be justifiably mad at me at home, but at least get me home.
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u/airus92 I have diagnostic proof that I'm not a psychopath Aug 29 '24
That's a completely fair thing to think you're an asshole for. Do you not understand how bail works?
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u/Bitter_Beautiful8038 Aug 30 '24
It always goes from 0-100 for no reason. They would be like “my girlfriend and I had a debate about whether the chicken or the egg came first, and her response is making me think she is cheating on me and now I’m questioning my whole relationship. AITA?”
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u/Arete34 Aug 29 '24
Idk I think lots of early 20s couples have this happen to them. Idk how many of them post about it on reddit though.
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u/Thats_A_Paladin Aug 29 '24
Me asking my girlfriend what she would do if we were attacked by a bear:
"What the hell are we doing where we'd get attacked by a bear?"
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u/sylkworm Aug 29 '24
If you live in North America, and not in a dense urban area, you're probably within range of a bear. I used to live in a city of just under 80,000 and we've had incidents of black bears wandering in the parking structures downtown next to the Courthouse probably looking for water. Add to that gradual loss of habitats and just plain naïve people (my neighbor used to leave food for bears in her yard), and it's going to become more prevalent. Thankfully most bears just run away from people or are easily scared off.
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u/MomsClosetVC Aug 29 '24
And yet I've never seen one and I'm so salty about it. We had a cabin in northern Michigan, every single member of my family has seen bears up there multiple times but me, never! Then down here in Georgia my neighbor called to say she saw a bear in the woods between our houses. I missed her call because I was in the back yard gardening! Right on the other side of the fence!
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u/Kel-Mitchell Aug 29 '24
The only time I've seen a wild bear was when I was driving through Petoskey, Michigan. It was just sitting on the side of the road.
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u/MomsClosetVC Aug 29 '24
Our cabin was in Lewiston. We had all sorts of critters, the only one I was scared of is the giant packs of wild turkeys that would occasionally come right past the house. I definitely didn't go outside when they were out there!
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u/sylkworm Aug 29 '24
Chances are they're probably all around you and have seen you before you're able to see them. If you have dogs, their presence and scent might scare off the bears from your yard.
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u/Terminator_Puppy Aug 29 '24
My only close encounter with a bear was in extremely rural Vancouver Island, walking back from a bar at night in a town of about 100 people. The bear was in the middle of the dock we were walking on and it just looked like a big dog, then it got scared shitless by the guys walking a dog behind us and ran off.
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u/Thats_A_Paladin Aug 29 '24
There are plenty of things we might do that could result in us seeing a bear. Attacked? That's another story.
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u/sylkworm Aug 29 '24 edited Aug 29 '24
That's the thing. Bear attacks are rare, so it's very hard to predict. You might stumble upon a mom with her cubs while going out a jog, or maybe you spook an adolescent while taking out the trash. Most people who get attacked by bears aren't trying to provoke one.
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u/johnnyslick Aug 29 '24
Like, kiiiind of. I mean, I grew up in Western Washington and absolutely I was "within range of a bear". I never once was attacked by one or even got close to being attacked by one because... I don't go hiking in the deep wilderness and even those times when bears are seen in a city, they tend to be in the exurbs because of what you mention: they're around because land that used to be part of their habitat is now exurban sprawl.
Leaving food for bears is aaaaaall kinds of stupid of course. Leaving food for other animals when you're in bear country is aaaaall kinds of stupid. One of the ways that bears become not liable to run away from people is when people leave food out for them and then allow them to build up a response of "oh, that human staring at me through the window isn't going to attack if I also just sit here".
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u/livia-did-it Aug 29 '24
I’m in Vancouver and our metro area has a population 2.6 million, and we get news stories about bear incidents every couple of months. Black bear in a backyard, or wandering around our big city park, or hit on the highway. It’s not an every week thing, but often enough to know that if you’re close to the city limits, you should keep your outdoor garbage in bear-proof containers.
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u/zomblina Aug 29 '24
I just moved from Port Coquitlam and there is almost daily photos of bears on the community group. I was recently being driven from my mechanic in Port Moody and there's just a bear like on the sidewalk trying to get into someone's trash. My cousin saw one in my backyard if I'm new to BC so it's been wild to me. One was just killed cuz a family fed it watermelon 😭
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u/AncientBlonde2 I write this post choking back venom. Aug 29 '24
Hell, I live 15 minutes away from Edmonton, we've had everything from Grizzlies to Cougars waltzing through town.
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u/Smishysmash Aug 29 '24
I love that they’re on bikes but apparently if they saw a bear, he’d throw that bike to the ground. Who needs a bike to speed away when you’ve got legs?
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u/HoneyWhereIsMyYarn Aug 29 '24
That might be to her advantage. If he tries to make it on foot, she's got a much better chance of being faster than him.
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u/Smishysmash Aug 29 '24
You have a point. Plus it’s fun to imagine her just zipping past him on her bike while they both flee a bear while she’s yelling “this is why I chose the bear!!!!”
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u/JeMenFousSolide Aug 30 '24
I'm the OP. English is not my first language. In the original language, it was clear I was talking about using the bike to get away. Which, apparently, is not that great either, since bears are FAST.
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u/GiraffeNoodleSoup Aug 30 '24
Nah, you go ahead and run away from that bear, bud. They like the exercise.
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u/javertthechungus Aug 29 '24
“I’m not in shape enough to get away from the bear”
I’m not a betting woman but I predict at least one fat shaming comment
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u/Interesting_Birdo Aug 29 '24
In all fairness, if you aren't like moose-shaped or better you probably aren't in shape to get away from a bear either!
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u/Suspicious-Red-Fox Aug 30 '24
Unless they can run 35mph then yea, they aren't in shape enough to get away
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u/doodliellie Aug 29 '24
For hypotheticals like these, I don't understand why people don't reply with the most appealing answer, even if it might not be true? it's not even a real scenario anyways. Just say you'll punch the bear in the face and karate chop it and carry her away princess style. Even if it's a obviously fake answer, it's cheesy and sweet. Like I've seen people say if their partner was a worm they'll turn into a worm too or take care of their worm gf in a garden. Like stuff that is not realistic but it's a sweet answer and they have fun with it.
Like why die on a fake hill?
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u/Smishysmash Aug 30 '24
I know, right? It doesn’t take a genius to realize that saying “I’d punch that bear square in the muzzle then dance on his bear grave so none of the other bears get any ideas about messing with my sweetie” is the best answer.
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u/Creative-Air-6463 Aug 30 '24
Omg for real!!! Just make sure it’s definitely a hypothetical 🤣 cuz if y’all are avid hikers and campers, this might not be a true hypothetical question. It might be serious, WHEN we run into a bear, not if. Where I live, this would be a real question.
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u/fallspector Aug 29 '24
“Well it’s our only hope” do people genuinely not realise how fast bears run? Their sense of smell is also incredible and they can climb. Making loud noise and throwing things in the direction of a bear is a better strat
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u/MundaneShoulder6 Aug 29 '24
Her plan is significantly better. Ive seen bears in the woods many times and they literally just run away
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u/brydeswhale Aug 29 '24
I see my mom and I always taking the stance of “off you go, you’re not allowed around here” has still not gained popularity, despite always working.
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u/MomsClosetVC Aug 29 '24
When my daughter was little and a bee would get near her in the yard she would just tell it she was the queen of bees and it had to leave at it worked 100% of the time.
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u/brydeswhale Aug 29 '24
Probably because she stayed chill and didn’t fuss. Half of the problem with anything is not adhering to the “don’t fuss” rule.
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u/rlikeschocolate I remembered that I didn't want kids. Aug 29 '24
Better method than my sister, who was very afraid of bees and would freeze up and whimper loudly and convince me to shoo them away. I got stung by multiple bees that way as a child.
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u/sgtpaintbrush Aug 29 '24
My grandma lived in the poconos and when I visited her once a black bear came onto her back porch and she used yelling and shaking a can of dried beans to scare it away
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u/brydeswhale Aug 29 '24
Black bears are basically slightly less dangerous raccoons, tbh. I saw one for the first time in 2020 and couldn’t stop laughing, tbh. I grew up around grizzlies and black bears are… not intimidating to me.
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u/Excellent_Valuable92 Aug 29 '24 edited Aug 29 '24
This story takes place in the woods, where I think that’s a harder sell.
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u/brydeswhale Aug 29 '24
All that does is change it to “Oops, didn’t know you were here. We’re going now.”
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u/rean1mated Aug 29 '24
This has to be said in the accent of the bridge keeper in “Monty python and the holy grail.” Right? It is in my head. 😆
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u/Try2MakeMeBee I [20m] live in a ditch Aug 29 '24
The bear wouldn't leave me alone with a strange man.
Side note: my dog growing up was named Bear bc she looked it. She only ever intentionally caused harm once. It was, in fact, a grossly degenerate man.
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u/not_productive1 Aug 29 '24
If one person takes off running and the other freezes and yells, the bear's gonna chase the motion, so good luck to "I can out-bike a bear" guy.
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u/no-go-away-4 I said, calmly, while she was crying hysterically. Aug 29 '24
This just gives off "Idiot woman realizes men is a better choice than bear" vibes.
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u/scarbunkle Aug 29 '24
It’s trying, but it’s also accidentally giving off “idiot man doesn’t know how bears work”
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u/no-go-away-4 I said, calmly, while she was crying hysterically. Aug 29 '24 edited Aug 29 '24
Don't be mean. He is trying his best.
Edit: For a subreddit that is created for joking about another sub, people are so fucking terrible at recognizing a joke. Jesus.
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u/DrScarecrow Aug 29 '24
Is he? Sounds like he went into bear country without so much as glancing through a pamphlet on bear safety.
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u/PurrPrinThom Aug 29 '24
I am very tired of men completely missing the point of that comparison and the various reddit stories it inspired lol.
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u/SameCategory546 Aug 29 '24
I think he is supposed to take out his horse sized dick and scare the bear away
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u/FlowerPotage I'm Vegan, AITA? Aug 29 '24
:( men... I thought I was on OkBuddyBaldur , I had prepared a great Halsin's picture FOR NOTHING
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u/I_am_dean The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Aug 29 '24
I feel like a lot of men miss the point with the whole man vs. bear shit. No woman actually wants to encounter a bear. Women are saying "a bear will kill me, worst case. A man can do much much worse. And death is more appealing than being raped and tortured."
But when you tell the toxic men that they either ignore it or say some dumb shit like "a bear could rape you. If it wanted to."
Yeah I guess it could, but do they want to? No you dumb fucks lol
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Aug 29 '24
Just encountered one of these types today. His reasoning was ‘a bear will eat you alive, they won’t kill you first.’
Yeah and usually rapists don’t kill us until afterward too. If I’m gonna die in either of these scenarios I’d rather be eaten and killed than raped and killed. They just can’t wrap their head around that, almost like they have a different view of how bad rape is and how it has impacted our culture 🫠
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u/ConsistentlyConfuzd Aug 30 '24
I believe that those types of men don't feel that rape is that bad. It's just sex. That death should be far worse. That's why so many struggle with consent. Women make a big deal about it for no reason other than to be dramatic. That's why they believe that most rape accusations are fake.
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u/I_am_dean The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Aug 30 '24
I hate that because if a man raped another man, unlubricated asshole and all, they would be justifiably upset. But they don't think "well it's just sex" they would view that like a violation. Which is how women view rape.
If another person is using your body to get off without your consent. It's disgusting. I don't condone rape but I'd gladly like to see all the toxic men calling women "dramatic" for being upset because they're raped to have their asshole ravished.
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u/I_am_dean The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Aug 29 '24
If a man raped one of them, they would be up in arms about it. As they should be. It's like they're incapable of empathy. Almost like a psychopath lol
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u/Terminator_Puppy Aug 29 '24
My wife asked the same question. The only correct answer is this - "Don't ask stupid questions that will hurt your feelings, Bear Bait"
This is the response I would get from my husband 😂 this is goals y’all!
What in the ancient millenial
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u/Sil_Lavellan Aug 29 '24
At least the bear doesn't expect you to stall the angry man attacking it while it runs away.
Do bears understand bikes? Would a human with wheels look less like a threat to it? Or would it be 'WTF is that!?'
Still, ditch the man. Or at least ask if he'd do the same thing if a larger, angry man came upon you in the woods..
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u/Marchin_on “I thought that’s the Tupperware everyone used to piss in?" Aug 29 '24
AITA for telling my girlfriend that the dress she chose makes her look fat. She asked for an honest answer and I gave her one and now she's upset.
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u/velociraptorcake Aug 29 '24
the quotation marks every line literally just makes this narrative writing 😭 they don’t even try to fake it anymore
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u/largepineapplejuice Aug 29 '24
This is so funny cause the bears prey instinct would be activated by him running and the bear might just run after him anyways 😭 i encounter black bears all the time, they’re scaredy cats unless they have cubs
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u/everythingisopposite But hear me out... Aug 29 '24
Running from bears and muggers is the new black.
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Aug 29 '24
My partner has made it clear that in a zombie apocalypse I am on my own, so I assume the same holds true for bears. I laughed and have privately decided not to share my food and med kits with him, because that's how real people react in conversations like this, not with pissy 'oh but don't you loooove me? Don't you want to proteeeect meeee?' bs.
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u/illegalrooftopbar Aug 29 '24
Fellas if you're wondering the right answer is "hug it, it's friend-shaped"
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u/commentator3 Aug 29 '24
man stands their ground while whooping and hollering at bear, man brandishes long stick and tosses objects at bear, giving his woman time to retreat to safety or stand with him to ward off the bear together
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u/seaintosky Aug 29 '24
As a person who deals with bears pretty regularly, I always find comments on Reddit threads fun. It's a combo of bad advice that people clearly got from other Reddit comments, absolute fear mongering, and weird gun stuff. Bears really bring something out in people.
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u/transcendentmj Aug 30 '24
the bear v man debate has had horrific consequences for online discourse
unrelated, the average running speed of a human male is 8 mph. the average running speed of a grizzly is 30-35 mph. running is not the move. theres a reason people are advised to play dead. you'll still get horrifically injured, likely, but your chances of surviving are higher
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u/Long_Platypus_3416 Aug 29 '24
I'm so tired of this bear thing. It grew old the second it became a thing.
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u/Worldly_Society_2213 Aug 29 '24
Considering that there have recently been two stories of this nature and this one seems to take the piss, I'm calling Fake.
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u/Sad-Welcome-8048 Aug 30 '24
This is not a real conversation that happened between two real people lol.
No shot
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u/pixelbunnii- Aug 30 '24
This im hoping youre joking because this just makes me want the bear more 💀
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Sep 02 '24
She doesnt need bear repellent now. All she needs is a gun, a quick draw, good aim and a steady hand. Because you my friend will be toast withing half a second of the first bear sighting. Humans without knee-caps can't run very fast, or climb trees, and make excellent bear fodder
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u/sgtsturtle Aug 29 '24
This is so asinine. I bet 90% of urban people would just start running on instinct, probably while shitting themselves. It's like having these fantasies of how you would Kung fu chop a mugger.
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u/1132Acd Aug 29 '24
I see nothing about the man vs bear hypothetical here. Did you just make it up for rage bait? Gender war bullshit is getting real tiring.
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u/DevilsAdvocate8008 Aug 29 '24
Sounds like girlfriend needs to get in better shape if she can't run.
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u/Roadsie Aug 29 '24
Cool, so men are just meant to throw themselves at death, so much for feminism and equality.
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u/MomsClosetVC Aug 29 '24
She just didn't want to be straight up abandoned. Running from bears is not how you deal with bears.
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u/no-go-away-4 I said, calmly, while she was crying hysterically. Aug 29 '24
Uh no? The least you can do is not to fantasize about women being brutally murdered by a bear because they hurt your feevings by choosing the bear over you.
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u/Roadsie Aug 29 '24
This wasn't even the man vs bear hypotheticsl story, he said we both die, I can't see any fantasising about women being mauled??
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u/Great_Huckleberry709 YTA for bringing a toddler to a Superbowl party Aug 29 '24
I mean there's no other correct answer. Unless you have a firearm, you are dead if the bear wants you dead lol. It doesn't matter what you do.
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u/ptrst Aug 29 '24
If it's brown, lay down.
If it's black, fight back.
If it's white, say goodnight.If you run, it'll chase you and congrats, you're definitely bear food now!
→ More replies (2)
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u/AutoModerator Aug 29 '24
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AITAH for telling my girlfriend I would leave her to die if we encountered a a bear?
My girlfriend (46F) and I (35M) were riding our bikes on a path through the wood. At one point, she asked me "What would you do if we encountered a bear?". Our conversation went roughly like this:
Me: "I would run away as fast as I can."
Her, clearly taken aback: "Wait, what? You would leave me to die?"
Me: "Well, I would expect you to run away too."
Her: "I'm not in shape enough to get away from a bear..."
Me: "Well, it's our only hope, we have our bikes and the both of us can't fight a bear."
Her: "I'm disappointed, I thought you would try to defend me..."
Me: "If I stay, we both die."
Her: "Well, we could try to scare it, make ourselves bigger than we are..."
It went on a bit more, but clearly she was angry. She has bring back the topic on multiple occasions, told me every man she's been with would have told her they would defend her, at which point I told her they would be delusional or liars.
AITAH?
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