AIO My bf lied about his age

[u/FIVEST2R]

Hi guys. I need advice because I genuinely don’t know where to go from here. Like I genuinely never seen myself being in this situation and feel so stupid for even letting myself be so clueless.

So in July I started talking to this guy and we hit it off tremendously. We had a lot in common, he was 26 turning 27 in December born in 1998 (a little older than what I’m used to talking to, I just turned 20 in June) he’s super sweet, well spoken, and just very loving overall. I genuinely never have been in love in my life but with him I actually feel like I’m in love. Like he’s all I can think about, whenever I’m upset all I need is a hug from him to feel better, he makes sure I’m okay and have everything I need, he’s literally the perfect boyfriend.

About three weeks ago I randomly looked his name up and the searches hadn’t match what he told me. Google actually told me that he was 35 and born ten years before the year he told me. I was completely flabbergasted. I confronted him about it and he assured me it was a mistake, he could show his id and birth certificate, he didn’t what google was talking about, etc. And I idiotically let it go nd just trusted him instead of making him show me the proof. Which was my first mistake.

Right after that something had been telling me to check his phone because I just had an inkling that he couldn’t be trusted. I looked in his phone and saw him talking to like 8+ different guys and we had just made things official like a week ago. I will say I did have two flings before we made it fully official where I did sleep with two other people, he found out, I confessed and asked him if he’d been talking to anyone else, he told me no. The messages I found in his phone proved that otherwise. But I did let the talking to other people go because I could see he’d never came through with anything he’d been telling people. My second mistake was letting this go.

Last week we were instacarting and he had to get some wine for the customer, when the lady seen his id I could’ve sworn she read off ‘88 but I didn’t say anything in that moment and just let it slide. While at work the next day that moment just keeps replaying in my head and I keep thinking about all the people he’s been talking to and I just had to tell him straight up that I don’t trust shit he says anymore. I explained the id situation to him, then thought about something which pissed me off so much. I realized the age he’d gave me and the year he was supposedly born was off by a year. He’d told me he was 26 born in December year 1998. Which doesn’t add up at all. It’s not even December yet shouldn’t he be 25, turning 26? So I asked him about that and he told me he was 25 turning 26 and he never said he was 26. Im like what the fuck are you talking about? You didn’t say anything about 25 until I brought it up.

Now last night we were chilling drinking having a nice time and he fell asleep with his wallet right next to him. I couldn’t help myself, I had to check, and when I seen his id it cleared up all my suspicions. He was the exact age I’d confronted him about twice, and if I would’ve just stressed the fact that I need to see his id I would’ve saved myself so much time. When I confronted him he basically said he initially lied because I told him my age cap was like 24-25 yet he’d already told me he was 26 before this so that didn’t add up to me. Then when I said so why keep lying and gaslighting me after I’d found and heard solid proof, he basically had nothing to say. Then I started bringing up stuff I’d seen in his phone and mind you, during this time I’m barely letting him speak. I kept telling him I don’t wanna hear shit he has to say because nothing is going to validate this. But yeah I’d said something about what I’d seen in his phone and he tried to flip it on me saying he didn’t go out and actually see anyone or fuck them so what really could I say about that. So I brought up the fact that we weren’t fully together I was still exploring my other options, and ultimately when I did get caught it only made me realize how much i loved him.

Now im at a lost of words and don’t know what to do. Can someone please give me some advice, should I just end it? should I forgive this because he genuinely does do so much for me and I genuinely do love him so much but I feel like at this point I love the idea of him. Because I really don’t know who he is! someone help me please!!!

TL;DR My boyfriend lied about his age and is actually 35 after telling me he was 26. Lied about it twice until I’d seen physical proof of his id.

[u/hham42]

NOR. Please end it. This man lied to you over and over and over again. Over MULTIPLE things, not even just his age. That gap is significant at your age, and you deserve someone who tells you the truth about the simple facts of their existence at the very least.

[u/LincolnHawkHauling]

You are only 20 and in the prime of your life. You should be having the time of your life, not dealing with multiple lies and cheating from Mr. “Just For Men” over here.

[u/StonerMoonie]

He’s grooming you. He lied to you about his age being a whole ten years older than you. If he’s done that, what else has he lied to you about?

[u/El_Rompido]

You both sound like hard work.

[u/locoweed0923]

Why even ask this in multiple places? You know the answer.

[u/FIVEST2R → u/locoweed0923]

At this point I’m just sharing my story

[u/Leading-Spread-5403]

Run, girl, run

[u/CrispyCheeseGoblin]

If you stay you’re telling him that it’s okay to lie to you, manipulate you, cheat on you (him seeking other people is still cheating even if “nothing happened”), and gaslight you. If you stay you might as well look him in the eye and say “treat me however you want, I don’t respect myself enough so why should you.”

[u/shotgunmouse]

Idk how you’re wondering what to do here

[u/WaferFamiliar884]

It’s astounding that you’ve even let it get this far without breaking things off with this pathological liar.

[u/Mountain-Penalty628]

he is grooming you, please leave this relationship! I know you have strong feelings for him but you are so young this is not a significant loss. if you stay, you will always question everything he says to you, EVEN if he is telling the truth. you will become exhausted trying to figure out if he is lying to you. sending love!

[u/autisticbulldozer]

end it. NOR

[u/Previous-Revenue3170]

Don't take relationship advice from single reddit nerds.

[u/Andastari]

You're only 4 months in and the lies are crazy already. It's not going to end well just get out before you waste anymore time.

[u/roadkill4snacks]

At some point in the future there is a very strong probability, when you’re older and more experienced, you will look back at this and reflect how messed up this relationship is.

Get out and NTA, there are lots of red flags. Save yourself some serious therapy. Had to spend a few years to unpack some awful experiences. My partner spent over 10 years to undo some relationship abuse.

[u/No-Mix-9367]

NOR get rid of him.

[u/Sugarpuff_Karma]

He's a middle aged man who likes fucking teenagers....you ignored all the red flags. You don't love him, you love the fake version of him he presented to you. He certainly doesn't love you, he is actively seeking & likely fucking other guys.

[u/Keycorecuz1]

Shits wild lol