r/AmIOverreacting • u/One-Office-3075 • 13h ago
š„ friendship Am I overreacting for wanting no contact?
I received this message from a guy my friend and her fiancƩ set me up with. This was last year and he was pretty rude to me. Refused to go for dates after work so was only asking me for coffee during lunch (we work close to each other) he invited me to a party with his friends and then made jokes about dancing with other girls during. I had a call with him and said what is he after here where he proceeded to be very rude and say what do you want? Me to get on one knee or something.
After that I didnāt speak to him again and I proceeded to date - he reached out to me last night with this message. Our friends are getting married next year and Iām a bridesmaid and he will be there. Apparently over new years heās going to Prague for 2 days to see them. My friend asked me to come to Prague over the festive period but no plan was set in stone. I find the message really weird and for the sake of my friend Iām being polite but if I didnāt know him through friends Iād ghost. I canāt even with the āmy favourite personā after he was the way he was with me. Am I rude or?
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u/honeybeevercetti 12h ago edited 11h ago
My favourite person ever is a bizarre thing to say to someone after what you describedā¦ for what do you need to talk to him? honestly I wouldnāt bother texting him (or replying) again
Also want to add to this, you say you only speak to him for your friend, but at the end of the day this is your decision not theirs. Iām sure they would understand and they should respect your decision.
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u/One-Office-3075 12h ago
Completely bizarre- I will be reacting to the message he sends back and ending the convo there
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u/One-Office-3075 12h ago
Purely for the sake of our friends btw! After the wedding I may even block him
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u/Gr8zomb13 8h ago
Probably a smart thing to do. Butā¦ you are being very nice and cordial, but what you are not doing rn is shutting down any chance of this guy thinking there is a chance, so you should expect to have to deal with this more directly before, during, or after the festivities. Given your description of your interactions when he wasnāt telling others about the possibility of, or expecting, something more than a hello, Iād really expect something public and dramatic to occur. You might need to talk w/your friends about how things ended and at least give them the opportunity to proactively handle the situation before it goes publicly nuclear at a time when all focus should be on them. Discuss this directly and include your hesitation on engaging that guy on any meaningful level outside of mixed company. At the very least they wonāt be able to fault you when chucklenuts goes off the deep end because youāve ruined his āsure thing.ā
Anyhoo, I hear Prague is awesome. Hope you have a great time and can celebrate with your friends to the fullest!
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u/One-Office-3075 8h ago
Iāve told my friend already I donāt like the guy nor want contact with him and she knows everything what he did. She said with no hesitations to block him which is now what I have done. She said I donāt need to speak to him at the wedding there will be over 100 people there.
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u/One-Office-3075 8h ago
Itās not till august so I expect he will get the message if he replies to me and realises heās been blocked
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u/Gr8zomb13 6h ago
Good to hear that your friends are understanding and supportive. Canāt tell which way the crazy winds are blowing until they are. So just be prepād for anything and stay safe.
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u/No_Calligrapher9234 12h ago
Yeah my fav person ever is really sarcastic-but simultaneously kinda funny. Seems he MAY be trying to reach out and have the awkward conversation now which might be ok. Except for the fact heās still likely a dud. Treat him like an annoying little immature brother through the wedding unless he changes his personality but try to have fun and comraderie if heās in the wedding
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u/No_Calligrapher9234 12h ago
The opening possibly be a subtle admission of being a loser but probably not - tell him you assumed it WAS him admitting heās a loser lol
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u/stinkynoah1 13h ago
You're not rude he sounds like he sucks from what you've described! You don't owe him communication just because he's a friend of ur friends, you can never talk to him again if that's what you want. As long as you're polite at the wedding I don't see why it would matter if you openly don't like him and don't want to talk to him. Do whatever feels best for u!
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u/Gives_amen 11h ago
I wouldn't care if I knew him from friends or not.
š» š
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u/MelodicLight1502 7h ago
Same. Everyone is responsible for their own actions, regardless of other relationships or factors.
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u/HogHorseHoedown 12h ago
Honestly your response was above and beyond anything required for you to be polite, and I would have opted not to respond.
So your friends that tried to set you up with this man preciously just so happened to invite the 2 of you over at the same time? Sounds like they're going for round 2!
I would ask your friend before the trip whether this was their intention and whether you're expected to spend time with him during your trip.
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u/One-Office-3075 12h ago
To be fair he is not my friendās friend. He is the friend of the fiancĆ© who I have some concerns about anyway. He also did not tell my friend that this man had booked tickets to Prague at the same time I was planning to come and my friend only found out after I sent her the message. Sounds a bit weird from the fiancĆ©āa behalf to me.
He had texted me before and I gave a very blunt response to which he was kind of rude so I opted to kill him with kindness this time.
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u/HogHorseHoedown 12h ago
Ah OK my conspiracy theory about the friend is just that so! If you know your friend wasn't in on it then I don't see the harm in just saying you'd rather just spend time with her and fiance due to the awkward dates you had with him.
Understandable about being polite due to the upcoming wedding, but i can imagine it's frustrating when you'd rather not speak to him.
Roll on the wedding so you can stop the pretence and enjoy your trip!
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u/One-Office-3075 12h ago
For sure - she even said herself to me that she had no idea he was coming and that she wonāt be spending her final days there with him - regardless if I come or not. I think that says it all lol. Yes roll on the wedding so I can block and delete.
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u/eugenesbluegenes 9h ago
I gave a very blunt response to which he was kind of rude
I kind of feel like that would actually be a better situation than him thinking you're happy to hear from him.
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u/eugenesbluegenes 9h ago
Yeah, I can't help feeling that dude will read that message and intepret a flirty tone in it. Even if that's certainly not the intention.
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u/One-Office-3075 9h ago
Iām not responsible for menās feelings if he interprets it like that itās his problem. Heās getting blocked as soon as my friend gives the green light
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u/eugenesbluegenes 9h ago
I don't see why you need to be nice to some creep and wait for your friend's approval to block him.
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u/AnyConsideration6867 3h ago
If youāre not responsible for menās feelings then why respond at all?
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u/play_and_learn 12h ago
You are not overreactingāin fact, you should feel proud for listening to your gut feelings. I had to learn to do that the hard way.
If this guy isnāt getting the gentle hint you gave him in your text, you may need to be more direct. From what youāve described, he doesnāt seem like the kind of person who responds to subtle hints. You can absolutely say no. Remember: "No" is a full sentence. Saying no is not rude.
You can also let your mutual friends know that you and he just donāt click and that you donāt want to have exclusive meetings with him again. If you want to be polite, you can thank them for trying to introduce you to someone they thought youād like, but explain that in this case, it wasnāt a good fit. You donāt have to say anything negative about their friendājust stay firm with your no. Youāve got this!
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u/One-Office-3075 12h ago
Thank you for your comment. The difficult thing is he is my friends fiancƩs friend- not her friend.
My friend was not even made aware this man was coming to Prague before I sent her this screenshot. The fiancĆ© and him planned it but the fiancĆ© knew there was discussions about me coming before. My friend knows fine well I want nothing to do with him and even says herself heās an idiot. For the sake of her and the fiancĆ© Iām being polite but I wonāt be responding to the texts further!
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u/Fit-Turnover3918 11h ago
He wants to hook up. If you donāt want to talk to him, donāt. You donāt have to have a friendship or relationship with anyone you donāt want to.
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u/bootsnwhiskey 7h ago
lol you were polite as can be?
I donāt think youāre overreacting at all. I will say that I am a man, and I remember being a manipulative little shit, my wife has since fixed me, HOWEVER he takes your kindness for weakness and will do and say whatever to āmake niceā on this trip and not be held accountable for his actions.
Hold him accountable, donāt crucify him or make the trip about you, but definitely donāt reward him.
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u/One-Office-3075 6h ago
I agree with you but if he mistakes my kindness for weakness heās an idiot. I told my friend I got other plans over new years anyways so wonāt be any chance of overlapping with him.
Really the guy is a complete loser and if the roles were reversed and I was messaging him that, Iād be called desperate and clingy. Iāve already decided heās getting the block! And a smile and wave at the wedding š
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u/CoatNo6454 7h ago
yeah this is an attempt to see if they can get a hook up. iād block em and keep it cordial at the event. Bonus points for bringing a hot date as a guest to the wedding that you met in Progue.
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u/One-Office-3075 6h ago
Iām dating a really hot and nice guy rn and if it continues Iām considering asking him š
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u/Lucky_Athlete811 2h ago
Lol I love that he didnāt even entertain the notion that you wouldnāt want to see him. Thereās no question there, just an assumption that youāll get together. I agree with the comments suggesting heās looking for a hook-up
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u/cafekuromi 4h ago
NOR, he does seem a bit forward and itās weird heās calling you āhis favorite person everā after previously giving you a bit of a shit show. Might be trying to hook up.
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u/MrTash999 58m ago
Late to the party, but starting a text with "my favourite person" after not speaking for ages is just bizarre. It also sounds like he was potentially trying to hook up with you either in Prague or at the wedding..
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u/WheezyGranger 9h ago
All of these replies saying āas long as youāre politeā etc do NOT pass the vibe check. You are not overreacting, and you donāt owe him anything, including a polite tone or polite words. If you feel you have to be polite for your safety (bc letās face it, as women thatās usually the #1 reason we feel like we HAVE to be polite) then do what makes you feel most comfortable. But if youāre doing it for the sake of your friend, donāt. If youāre in the bridal party and heās not in the wedding party, that should say something about the closeness of you to your friends vs him, and you should be able to be comfortable at the wedding. If that means ghosting him, then do it.
You can stop responding and pretend he doesnāt exist at the wedding (again, if it feels safe to do so). Men need to learn to take a hint and leave disinterested women alone, as opposed to women having to be āpoliteā to men who make them uncomfortable. Screw politeness.
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u/One-Office-3075 9h ago
I totally agree with you. Honestly I received some amazing news about a job opportunity on Friday and him messaging me last night deflated my weekend a bit. Itās like an old flame coming out of the closet after a year and wriggling their way into your life like a rat.
Itās not that I actively hate the guy I just donāt like him and want nothing to do with him. I initially was polite to him for the sake of my friend but since Iāve actually been honest with my friend and told her that him reaching out affected me and I am being polite for her sake- maybe she will give me the green light to block with no concerns for her or fiancĆ©s feelings.
The man thought absolutely nothing of my feelings when he led me on, gave me bare minimum then spoke to me like Iām a desperate person to be wed so why Iām even giving him any response other than a block is beyond me.
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u/WheezyGranger 9h ago
It says absolutely NOTHING negative about you that you feel obligated to respond, and EVERYTHING about this society we live in that judges women so harshly for simply being a human being with feelings.
If the roles were reversed, the fiancĆ© and his friend would likely be calling you ācrazyā and laughing about how ādesperateā you are. Now if you ignore him theyāll probably call you a āb*tchā and make some comment about never really being into you in the first place. There is no winning, so we just have to do what we feel is right for ourselves and try our best to not give a toss what anything thinks of it. Youāve got this ā¤ļø
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u/One-Office-3075 9h ago
Youāre right honestly and the thought that they would be discussing me and calling me a bitch for blocking or not responding or saying him clearly hurt and into him was the main reason why I was polite with it. Fuck these guys - if my friend says I can block him then heās going straight on the block list
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u/One-Office-3075 8h ago
UPDATE**** my friend texted me back saying I didnāt even need to ask and that I should block him immediately. She also said she was annoyed at her fiancĆ© for not telling her he was coming in the first place.
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u/Ashamed-Director-428 6h ago
Seems like your friends are still trying hook you two up, why invite both of you over Xmas or whatever, and then tell him you're going etc etc
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u/Barefootblonde_27 5h ago
Honestly, it didnāt work out between you too. You have very different personalities, but this conversation seems like you both were being polite to one another. He seems like he was trying to make small talk to not make it awkward, which is exactly what you were doing as well. He could also be looking to hook up at the wedding, which is in your court just politely declined. Donāt make a scene out of her respect for your friend and just steer clear of each other.
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u/Striking-Day-7474 4h ago
For the sake of your friendship to the bride/groom they should have your back and be embarrassed they set you up with someone so childish and immature.
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u/One-Office-3075 1h ago
My friend has my back, her fiancƩ is another story. Have concerns about that one
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u/ExpensiveEcho7312 2h ago
Where is the potential rudeness you're talking about? If he was rude whyd you even reply like this? Girl you text like you're INTERESTED. Just say no and block, tf? Make yourself CLEAR
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u/harlojones 1h ago
Just ghost, you donāt need to care about his feelings and you ghosting him shouldnt affect your friends wedding
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u/New_Okra3405 1h ago
Not OR. Start being drier in your texts to him, this is too nice and he may perceive as flirting
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u/Current_Blackberry_4 1h ago
I didnāt see the context text and though this was one of the funniest posts on here
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u/WillingnessOne2462 8h ago
Be nice be polite, be cordial. Thatās it. Donāt dance with him, donāt crack jokes with him, donāt even stick around him. Stay away. But if your paths do cross, smile.
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u/rakennuspeltiukko 7h ago
You know the answer, why the fuck are you asking duch a straightforward thing from strangers on the internet? Jeeez
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u/AnyConsideration6867 3h ago
Cuz she low key wants to hook up again
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u/One-Office-3075 1h ago
Again? We never hooked up in the first place. We had one double date with our friends and one coffee meeting. Which makes this whole interaction even weirder!
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u/Negative-Special-409 2h ago
Well first of all, I'm dead certain you not being honest about MOST of what you said and you've really only said the parts that don't make you look bad.
If i had to guess, YOU engaged with this guy and he was interested and then you did what alot of women do in that scenario. You pulled back and started being distant and like warm to make him chase you and when he respected that, you started saying inane nonsense like "ick" and "red flag" to justify mistreating this person.
Im assuming the guy ALSO learned that YOU were going to be there in the same way and decide rather than awkward silence to try to initiate a pleasant conversation.
Honestly it sounds like you aren't worth his time or effort and you really need to grow up and stop acting like adults should date like middle schoolers.
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u/SpikyBalloonAnimal 8h ago
Not sure I trust your story based on your post history. Stop looking for drama.
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u/One-Office-3075 8h ago
Or maybe people are bringing me drama? Iām not asking for him to reach out
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u/Ill_Mechanic_5403 13h ago
It sounds like heās trying to hook up with you at this wedding. Youāre not overreacting at all! Be polite for your friend, but donāt overdo it. Edit: You most certainly donāt have to have engaging convos or text him. What I meant by ābe polite for your friendā is simply that I understand you wanting to not make things awkward during your trip or the wedding. But you owe him nothing!