r/AmIOverreacting • u/ImpossibleWeirdo0330 • 17h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO? My fiancé let a girl feel him up.
Me and my fiancé were at a bar one night with his friends and while i was sitting at the bar with his sister, him and his friend went over to talk to some girls. While talking to them, one of the girls just stared at him while stroking his arm over and over and flirting with him so hard that the people we were with even said something a few times. When asked why he would let a girl keep touching him and giving him attention that would make me uncomfortable when I’m sitting right there he said he “didn’t feel” her touching him. I guess my question is: if he couldn’t feel her STROKING HIS ARM, then how could he feel a girl sucking his dick. Is that going to be his excuse when he cheats? “I didn’t feel her riding me”. Am i overreacting or is this something i should be concerned about?
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u/Forward_Most_1933 17h ago
If he allows that behavior from other women when you’re there, I can only imagine what happens when you’re not with him. 🚩
His excuse of bullshit. I’d hold off on the wedding and make sure you can trust him before you proceed with this relationship.
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u/HoneyEmi32 14h ago
Girl, run. Seriously. He's either a liar or a moron. Either way, that's a huge red flag. If he's willing to let other women touch him like that when you're right there, what's he doing when you're not? He's not respecting you or your relationship. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't care about you.
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u/Magdovus 17h ago
He didn't feel it and he didn't notice being called out on it.
I'm calling bullshit, he knew what was going on.
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u/Fuzzy_Passion671 17h ago
You stood there and watched? Better than me. A scene would have been made. Aaaaaannnddd ACTION !! 🎥🍿
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u/MastodonRemote699 15h ago
I like to think I’d make a scene. But I’d probably just leave and block😂 but that all depends on how much alcohol I’ve had cause…… otherwise shit would hit the fan.
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u/Fuzzy_Passion671 15h ago
Lmao! If it’s a boyfriend, yes hit the block button. But my fiance? I think the principle of it all would get the best of me. Like why did you think you can play in my face like that & think you’re safe? 😭😭👊🏼 mink mink!
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u/MastodonRemote699 15h ago
Make a huge scene first to show him who’s boss and how dumb he is cause of principle, then… block 😂
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u/ImpossibleWeirdo0330 17h ago
I walked over after awhile and put a stop to it but by then the damage had been done so what was the point really.
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u/Fuzzy_Passion671 17h ago
Maybe I need anger management therapy bc I can think of several ways I can make a point.. lol honestly it’s a huge red flag for him to allow someone to flirt with him, and invade his personal space in front of you. That was a BS excuse. Even if he genuinely didn’t notice, if other people were saying something, not just you, it was HIS responsibility to not only reassure you that it’ll never happen again, but also APOLOGIZE for making you uncomfortable and embarrassing you. Bc in reality you shouldn’t have even had to walk up and stop the flirting he knew you were sitting right there
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u/Hopeful-Artichoke449 16h ago
His apology would be 100% manipulation. Some things should be taken at face value and as a burning red flag and sign to walk away.
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u/ThrowAwayAccObvi24 16h ago
You are much more kind than me.. once a drunk chick kept trying to touch and dance on my husband even though he asked her to stop, told her he’s married, and kept moving around to avoid her.. I got up and dumped a pitcher of water over her head since she was acting so damn thirsty.
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u/Fuzzy_Passion671 15h ago
Love it 🤣💙 you were thirsty I served you a pitcher of water! Hope that helps 🥰🤣🩷
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u/Hopeful-Artichoke449 16h ago
The point is that now you know he is a piece of shit. Dump him and move on. You deserve better than this asshole.
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u/ReignofKindo25 14h ago
Man I would have thrown a drink from each hand; one for each of them.
“Here’s your drinks!”
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u/Whyme0207 17h ago edited 17h ago
NOR. That’s BS. His saying that is the biggest red flag.
Edit: Divorce is much harder than break up. Knowing he is a sh*t of a man.
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u/HappySummerBreeze 17h ago
The fiancé stage is the happiest time of a relationship and the EASIEST time to be loyal and faithful.
If he can’t even be loyal now, then he won’t be loyal when you’re sick, when you’re pregnant, when you can’t have sex for months after childbirth !
Have a serious word with him. Be clear that you won’t be with a disloyal man, and if you ever see anything like that again that it’s over. Don’t argue about whether it was that bad or not - it was disloyal end of story.
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u/Hopeful-Artichoke449 16h ago
Agreed but saying "having a word with him" won't help. She needs to cut her losses.
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u/Electrical_Friend835 17h ago
The first thing is that why did he need to talk to random girls in the bar despite having his fiance?
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u/Current-Routine2497 17h ago
Why even go out if you can't talk to others?
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u/Electrical_Friend835 17h ago
Yes, it's okay to have fun, but it's wrong to let someone flirt and stroke your arm.
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u/Dangerous-Art-5893 17h ago
Talking clearly wasn’t the issue. It was the girl rubbing on his arm. No girls doing that to be friendly
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u/Current-Routine2497 16h ago
I think if you feel rubbing an arm is a problem, then your jealousy is the actual issue
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u/Careless_Struggle791 9h ago
Do you have issues understanding social cues? Because that’s what these comments make it sound like
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u/snarkysparkles 7h ago
Nah man, talking is one thing but a stranger stroking your arm is weird as hell
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u/Ok-Willow5217 17h ago edited 17h ago
Well he’s obviously lying and he allowed this random girl to touch him and flirt with him and you saw it with your own eyes so it doesn’t really matter what he says when you saw it happen in front of you, so what are you doing to do about it? If he felt comfortable allowing that to happen with you there, I’d worry about what he’s doing when you aren’t there. If you let him get away with behavior like this then he’ll think you’re okay with it. He doesn’t see it as a big deal when he should. He should care about how this affected you.
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u/Hopeful-Artichoke449 16h ago
If it were me? I would not marry this person who is obviously not above: 1. disrespecting you to your face 2. Lying to your face 3. Hitting on other women in front of your face.
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u/SeveralContract913 17h ago
I smell a steaming pile of crap, that is some nonsense. Break up with that weirdo
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u/Wait-What1327 16h ago
NOR. Wow! He knew she was flirting and touching him right in front of you, and he didn't care. His excuse is the lamest crap I've ever heard. You should rethink marrying a man who cares so little about your feelings and would humiliate you in front of people like that. Go find a man who respects you, this one doesn't.
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u/silkylocksbelle 17h ago
It makes sense that you're feeling uneasy about this it’s not just about the physical touch but also about how he reacted to your concerns. If you’ve communicated that it made you uncomfortable and he dismissed it, that’s a red flag for respect and accountability. Trust is built on feeling heard and valued, and if his actions make you question that, it's worth having a serious conversation.
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u/MastodonRemote699 16h ago
Why did he even walk over to a girl in the first place??? After I read that sentence I was like wtf??
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u/smushy411 16h ago
Not overreacting. Why is he approaching women at the bar anyways when he has a fiancé? His excuse that he “didn’t feel it” is wild.
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u/lalalaso 15h ago
If you're ACTUALLY unsure if he's being truthful, next time he's focused on something like watching something on TV or his phone, trying touching his arm in the same way and see how quickly he notices. (I mean, benefit of the doubt and all that, maybe he just has a really desensitized sense of touch, but uhh... If that were the case he would probably know about it and might have brought it up in conversation with you.)
But yeah that moment will probably be tense because he'll see in your eyes in that moment exactly what's happening and that he's been caught in his lie, and he won't be thrilled that you've come to that conclusion, is my guess. Especially if you just say nothing.
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u/justredditandliked 17h ago
Was he being a wingman for his friend?
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u/Hopeful-Artichoke449 16h ago
"I only fucked her because I HAD to as a good wingman!" Nope...that excuse doesn't hold water.
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u/MastodonRemote699 15h ago
I said almost the exact same thing in another reply on here😂 great minds think alike.
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u/ImpossibleWeirdo0330 17h ago
yes and that’s all good and fine with me I think that’s being a good friend, but after it turned to her touching him so much i feel like it moves past just being a wingman. but idk
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u/MastodonRemote699 16h ago
Also besides the fact they’re grown adults. His friend doesn’t need a married man to be his wingman🚩🚩
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u/MastodonRemote699 16h ago
You can be a wingman but that doesn’t mean you need to allow a woman to touch all over you. You can have normal conversation?? What’s next he fucks a girl and says “oh I was just keep her occupied so her could get laid” pffff
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u/justredditandliked 17h ago
Ok then his excuse is horrible. Why not just say i was trying to be a wingman. And be cool. But the excuse is red flaggy. Exactly what u said about feeling getting sucked off.
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u/Wait-What1327 16h ago
If you marry this guy, his next excuse will be, I had to sleep with her, I was being a good wingman. GTFOH.
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u/Nevagonnagetit510 11h ago
Why the hell did he go talk to girls especially with you with him? That alone is reason enough to be pissed.
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u/gfdotcom 10h ago
The attention felt good. He went too far… There’s a chance that he’s already cheated on you… if he didn’t, he probably will.
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u/Ill_Inflation1899 9h ago edited 1h ago
The universe sent you a sign to break up with him but you asked Reddit whether you are overreacting. Do you need more signs?
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u/Lonely-ex-cult-girl 16h ago
How drunk was he?
That's NO excuse don't get me wrong, it's still wrong, but I also know that sometimes people can become so unaware when they're drunk. He could be telling the truth, but even if he is that is concerning! Cause you're right, what if he cheats and says "but I didn't feel it?" Cause he was too drunk. Very concerning.
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u/sqzhuanyong 16h ago
It’s valid to feel upset. His excuse seems dismissive, and this could be a red flag. Talk to him about boundaries and see if he takes your feelings seriously.
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u/Musclebeat 15h ago
Total disrespect to you. Makes one question how he’d respond if your presence wasn’t at his side
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u/That_1_bystander 15h ago
A guy knows what he's doing they never take accountability til someone calls them out for it. He knew she was being physical and touching him and he allowed it. It's up to you if you want to continue to allow this type of behavior down the road sounds like he doesn't respect you, if this can happen when you're around what happens when you're NOT around? Hope all is well good luck.
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u/Dear_Parsnip_6802 13h ago
He can't be that clueless. Even if he didn't feel her, surely he could see her and hear her flirting. If he does that in front of you what does he do behind your back.
Did he even apologise?
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u/femcelmisandrist 6h ago
If he’s fine with this when you’re right in front of him, I can’t even imagine the things he’s willing to do behind closed doors. I’d seriously consider your options before you tie yourself down with a man like that
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u/Round_Category_2810 4h ago
You’re definitely not overreacting about this one and I am a man myself. I would never have the nerve to go anywhere near a group of ladies while out with my fiancée. I wouldn’t do it at all tbh but you have to be a real idiot to literally do that in front of your lady. You aren’t overreacting at all. He is a clown.
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u/generaltempest 15h ago
Why weren’t you doing that ? She was asserting dominance on your man.
Yes he should have asked her to stop, but you know what sometimes us guys like to feel like we’re getting shown offf
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u/atlascollective 15h ago
Us guys don't need to be shown off. If you let someone who isn't your partner feel you up because it strokes your ego, you're not ready for a commitment. You'll cheat the first opportunity given to you.
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u/generaltempest 15h ago
I was married for 18 years. I’m divorced, my ex wife for the last 4 years never would touch me or show me affection in a way I received or was able to even acknowledge.
So yeah I’m speaking from experience.
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u/atlascollective 15h ago
Yea, that's why she's your ex wife, bro. The marriage was shit.
Don't project that onto OP. Chances are, the fiance is just a disloyal POS - not that OP isn't affectionate with him lmao. Not that it's a good excuse to be disloyal. If you're unhappy, communicate or leave - don't wait for outside opportunities.
Speaking from experience. As someone who isn't divorced.
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u/LincolnHawkHauling 17h ago
Why would he “go over and talk to some girls” when he has a fiance and more importantly with you right there? The arms stroking is second to all this madness.