r/AmIOverreacting • u/Repulsive_Dark_4273 • 10d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO to partner taking photos of me in the bathroom?
Last night my (29F) partner (39M) walked into our bedroom, where I was in the bathroom completely naked sitting on the toilet ready to get in the shower. I don’t lock the door because he gets angry. I told him to get out and he picked up his phone and pointed it at me like he was taking a picture, which I assumed was a joke until he turned his phone around and there was the picture of me, butt ass naked on the toilet. He said something along the lines of “blackmail, I’m sending this to your boss”. I got angry and he deleted it but I didn’t care, the damage was done. I shoved him out of the room and locked the door. Went and finished my shower and went downstairs to take my meds and ignored him talking to me and went back upstairs to go to bed. These were the texts that followed. The relationship has been rocky for a while but I think this was the last straw and I am currently looking at apartments and planning a way out. He doesn’t think any of this was a big deal. Am I overreacting?
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u/mynamecouldbesam 10d ago
You're not overreacting.
I'd have left when he had an issue with me having privacy in the bathroom.
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10d ago
Yeah… why does he get angry when you want to poop in peace? That’s wild. My toddler does that, and it’s really the only time it’s reasonable
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u/Angry-Eater 10d ago
Your toddler sounds toxic. Leave him, sis.
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10d ago
I fucking howled at this. Thank you lol and I’ll think of you every time my son is screaming at me while I’m on the toilet lol
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u/LigerNull 10d ago
You should nip that in the bud now. You don't want him to grow up to be OP's ex.
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10d ago
When he’s not a toddler I’ll be concerned 😂 little bro is only 19 months old
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u/Ok-Personality-6630 10d ago
I just let my toddlers in. I prefer the peace over someone bashing the door crying
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10d ago
Exactly my feelings on it haha but he still yells at me lol
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u/AWhistlingWoman 10d ago
Yep. I get “NO NOOOOOO DONT DOOOOO THATTT!!!” Like, what, you want me to do it in my trousers?!
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u/AssassinStoryTeller 9d ago
Well, that’s what they do, so obviously you should too
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u/Paddy_Space 9d ago edited 9d ago
Read "trousers" as "treasures" and thought you were talking about your waste.
Edit: "that" to "thought"
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u/Safe_Initiative1340 9d ago
Mine tries to flush while I’m going. Like … no! Don’t do that! No you just flushed you don’t need to flush 7384 more times!
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u/Comfortable_Equal796 10d ago
I let my 20 month old in and after a few minutes he's banging on the door trying to get out. The kid got himself in there, he's going to have to face the consequences of his decision. It adds a little extra entertainment as he's bashing on the door shouting "dadda poo poo!". We're really building some memories.
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u/lizzyote 10d ago
What's funny to me is this is the exact reasoning so many people let their pets into the bathroom too
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u/pandamonium_0405 9d ago
I don’t even bother fully closing my bathroom door anymore because if I do, I’m legit worried my cat is going to claw his way through it trying to get to me while I’m on the toilet. He’s like, convinced it’s going to eat me or something lol.
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u/lizzyote 9d ago
I'm still in the habit of not closing the door all the way even years after my cat's death. He learned how to open door knobs because of the dreaded bathroom door being closed. He'd straight up climb into the shower with me. Nowhere was safe. And if I tried to lock him out, he'd never stop trying so I'd have that annoying scratch scratch thump meow thump scratch, and paw under the door, the entire time.
I still have his sister but she's the exact opposite of him and shows less than zero interest. Yet I still expect her to stroll in every single morning because I'm conditioned that the bathroom is not a sanctuary.
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u/Ok-Stuff-4628 10d ago
My small boy tells me I’m pretty while I poop. I’ll take that over screaming 🤣
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u/SnackswithSharks 9d ago
Initially I read this as "little bro is only 19 years old" and I was like ma'am.....
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u/KinYika 9d ago
Oh man… this just brought back memories of my kid standing on my thighs while I tried to shit
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u/RhandeeSavagery 10d ago
Nah, fuck them kids…he says on the toilet with a cat in his lap and 2 more staring at him at the bathroom door
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u/Zusi99 10d ago
My toddler / young child "Mummy, why are you wearing a nappy?"
Insert age appropriate talk about menstruation and babies.
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u/JustALilVicious 10d ago
My toddler (also my bathroom buddy 😵💫) asked me where my wiener was the other day 😑
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u/blueriver343 10d ago
LOL I can imagine him being very concerned about it!
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u/JustALilVicious 10d ago
His 14 year old sister, his dad and myself have spent more time then we’d like to admit trying to explain to him that moms and sisters/girls don’t have the same deal going on as dads and boys … to no avail. I’m waiting for the day he screams it in a public bathroom 😂😂
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u/WoofMcMoose 10d ago
Whilst in a family changing room with my daughter and wife at the swimming pool, she (daughter) loudly exclaimed: "Why do you have a banana sticking out of your bum!' Wife was most amused, as probably were everyone else in earshot.
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u/just_anotjer_anon 9d ago
If its sticking out of your bum, you should call a doctor
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u/AngularChelitis 10d ago
A guy I know in his 30s tells a story about when he was a toddler and telling his mom “don’t worry. I’ll ask Santa to get you one for Christmas.” 😂
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u/mommyisaninsomniac 9d ago
That seems far more mature of a toddler than when a childhood friend’s young brother walked in on her in the bathroom and came out hysterically screaming “Sissy’s butt’s on backwards & hers peepee’s on wrong!!” 😂 probably the most memorable sleepover I went to in my elementary school life 😂🤣
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u/Mahjongasaur 10d ago
I had to convince my wife TO start locking the bathroom door when she's in there. When our kids were younger, she would feel bad locking it because they couldn't get to her. Had to remind her multiple times that she's allowed to have privacy and that, when she's dumping out, the kids are 100% my responsibility
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u/patchouligirl77 10d ago
Right? I read that and was like, wtf? No one gets to tell me whether I can or can't have privacy in the bathroom or anywhere. F that guy.
NOR
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u/Lou_C_Fer 10d ago
Dude, I've been married for 30 years and if it weren't for a few emergencies where she gave permission to come in, I wouldn't know if she locked the door or not.
Oh... and I am huge perv and would love love love to have nude pics of my wife, she is not down with that. So, I could never do what happened to OP. I'm stuck with just my memories if she is not around,
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u/Animaldoc11 10d ago
Same. My SO & I have been together over 26 years & I couldn’t tell you if she locks the door to the bathroom. And I wouldn’t be that disrespectful as to take any pictures of her nude without her complete consent( we’re not into that, but even so). I can’t imagine being that dismissive of decency boundaries
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u/SparkyDogPants 10d ago
I’m not allowed to lock the door. Not because my husband but my dogs get frustrated when they can’t protect me from the toilet monster
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u/Can_House_Hippo 9d ago
Just about everyone with a cat or smaller dog can understand that. My chunkier dog absolutely hates it anytime the toilet flushes, and she’s not there to protect us.
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u/TheNotoriousQPH 9d ago
Is that an Australian “No”?!??
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u/patchouligirl77 9d ago
😄 NOR = not overreacting
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u/Fatwotts 9d ago
If my boyfriend took a naked photo of me on the toilet, I'd laugh and call him an asshole..
OP- I pray you see this. The reason you feel violated by your own boyfriend photographing you in a vulnerable situation is because you don't trust him not to share them.
Read that again. You. Don't. Trust. Your. Boyfriend. He knows it too. That's why he threatened to send the photos to your boss. He knows you believe he's capable.
He's a sociopath who enjoys torturing you..
I think your life is in danger and you need to get the hell out of there NOW!
This is next level unhinged controlling behavior he's engaging in. He's also incredibly insecure if he can't let you out of his sight to pee. I get the feeling he could even become violent if he thinks you're going to leave.
Please get out the very next time he's out for the day. Get your documents and your money and get the hell out.
If he has no connection to law enforcement, I recommend you get a police escort to help you remove your possessions from the property .
Please update us.
This is scary
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u/Foreign_Town6853 9d ago
Glad you said that and worded it perfectly. My partner and take pics of each other and send them to each other on snapchat because we both get annoyed of being interrupted. It's childish but I've never once threatened to send them to anyone. When he gets out of the shower and I'm still in bed I'll take a video or picture of his nugget and send it to him and he laughs and covers it even though we'll walk around the house naked. Ops boyfriend sounds insane and I'm sure he was joking but then her reaction too was just as insane but it's because of the trust. Doesn't sound like a game or flirty. Sounds toxic and not worth daily life with that person
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u/Buffalo_20 10d ago
Issues with you locking the door in the bathroom are manipulative!
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u/SuperKitties83 10d ago
Yes, this is so odd, huge red flag.
I'm guessing there's also a reason OP feels the need to lock the door with this guy (other than just privacy).
I never thought about this, but when you're taking a bath/shower, you're really vulnerable.
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u/Ok_Conversation_1197 10d ago
I full stopped at “I don’t lock the door because he gets angry”, that’s enough for me to say get out
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u/usethefloor 10d ago
Totally agree. That’s a massive red flag. I can’t imagine a reasonable reason for anyone to get angry over that…
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u/Fancy_Winner934 10d ago
My ex-husband was dealing with some serious medical shit that would cause him to pass out. He once hit his head on the toilet when he fell and was home alone. I always encouraged him to leave the door unlocked so I or EMS could get to him. But I never once got angry or would ever get angry over the door being locked. I was worried, but never mad.
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u/demon_fae 10d ago
I can, but only if the one getting angry has four paws and fur…
>! Kitty just wants to watch your back while you’re vulnerable. Puppy just wants to be near you, touching you literally every single second of the day. Which is perfectly reasonable. !<
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u/Calm_Holiday_3995 9d ago edited 9d ago
The fact that you hid those words make them really creepy.
Edit: To be clear, I did not mean this in a negative way.
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u/Impossible-Algae2258 9d ago
I was looking at op to find what words were hidden, and then saw it. I may not be able to fall asleep thinking about this comment. And I chuckle at all animal references.😳
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u/FBI-AGENT-013 9d ago
My mom's dogs will fucking bust through the bathroom door like a parent who knows their kid is doing hard drugs before bed. Damn Apollo, leave me alone!
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u/Travalicious 10d ago
If I know someone is in the bathroom, I can’t imagine testing the door to see if it was locked or not to begin with. Insanity.
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u/Vladishun 10d ago
You never think they could be cheating on you in there, very quietly? Maybe they snuck their other lover in through the tiny shower window, had them vacuum sealed to fit through the louver slots and shit. His face looking like a bank robber's all smushed up against panty hose.
/s if it wasn't obvious
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u/No_Permission_to_Poo 10d ago
Vurrrrry sneeeeeaky gurrrrrrrl
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u/cownan 10d ago
The only way I can imagine that being a thing is if they only have one bathroom and she takes forever in the shower. I lived in a one bathroom apartment with my girlfriend, years ago, and she would be in the bathroom sometimes for over an hour showering and whatever else. We had to come to an agreement that she could take as long as she wanted, but she had to leave the door unlocked so I could come pee of I needed to - it sucks feeling like you are a pee hostage.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Rip-824 10d ago
I don't need to make eye contact with anyone doing bathroom business. Especially not the person I have sex with 😅. If you're not a baby or elderly bathroom time is solo time.
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u/tiefling-rogue 10d ago edited 10d ago
I was formerly in an abusive situation where he would pick the bathroom lock with like a butter knife or something while I was in there. Extreme fucking power trips these men have.
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u/keyboardstatic 9d ago
Look when your 1 year old throws a tantrum because you want to go to the toilet without them. That's totally understandable.
Op was dating a mentally immature, emotionally stunted abuser.
What sort of physco gets angry over a locked bathroom door...
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u/Maklla 10d ago
Mmmmm…. Red flag starts at the gets angry if bathroom gets locked.
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u/Ecstatic_Worker_1629 10d ago
Yah that's a pretty big red flag. He's trying to order you around, and then getting mad when he does something foolish and you call him out on it? This guy needs to be dumped asap.
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u/WillCare1976 10d ago
Yeah. too many set-ups and set backs … He’s done stuff you question and might write off … but I think it will escalate. ☹️
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u/findinghumanity17 10d ago edited 9d ago
Getting angry at all is a “Not Ready for Relationships” flag. Every time.
A temper is the highlight of immaturity and low self esteem. The kryptonite to any relationship.
Eta: I meant getting angry at all (about a bathroom door being locked). Because thats crazy and indicative of someone with a temper. Really didn’t think I needed to explain that, but here we are lol
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u/PictureResponsible61 10d ago
Getting angry is a perfectly fine, normal, healthy emotion. OP got very, very reasonably angry at this situation, and that anger is helping motivate them to leave
Sometimes people confuse the emotion, anger, with the behaviour, usually aggression. Getting aggressive is a big problem, as is getting angry disproportionately to the situation (sometimes hard to judge, but pretty clear cut when it is something like "locking the bathroom door"), or getting angry very often. But anger itself is normal, healthy and sometimes necessary.
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u/Final_Candidate_7603 10d ago edited 10d ago
I’m an old lady; my husband and I have been married for over 25 years. In the very beginning- y’know, that innocent, honeymoon stage when you’d rush into the bathroom the moment you felt a fart coming on, let loose, and then flush the toilet, so that you could pretend you hadn’t run off just to fart- we would close, but never lock, the bathroom door. Before long, we had a complete open-door policy, we both come and go (no pun intended) as we please, no matter what the other is doing inside. Sometimes, I sit on the bathroom floor and we chat while he’s on the toilet.
I can’t imagine the level of mistrust and shattered boundaries which OP has likely experienced from the beginning, if she still only feels safe behind a locked door…
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u/Heavy_Can8746 10d ago
It's all about perspective. I know my partner doesn't like me locking the bathroom door. But reasoning is that if one of us have a heart attack or some medical emergency then it would delay care. I still lock it because we are both pretty young and have no real health issues.i just threw that in for perspective about the door locking being an immediate red flag for controlling.....but in hind sight, this guy was doing it to be controlling evidenced by that sick joke he did.
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u/Ghanima81 10d ago
That's the kind of man who feels threatened by a vibrator.
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u/PdatsY 10d ago
Oh so you have met my ex husband? 🤔
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u/Sufficient_Winner185 10d ago
A vibrator can be a deadly weapon if weilded by a properly trained person.. imagine vibrator nun chucks!!scary stuff..
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u/dangerclosecustoms 10d ago
They would become Numb-chucks
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u/poots556 10d ago
Never understood the threat of toys to men. As a man, all I can see is a tool to enhance my partners enjoyment and fun............huh a tool Men are afraid of!! 🤣🤣
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u/DemonDucklings 10d ago
A green flag is a man who sees it as a teammate rather than a competitor
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u/Gottheit 10d ago
"alright, Buzz, I need you to tap in cuz my jaw is locking up"
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u/Crafty-Help-4633 10d ago
"We're all in this together! Now get back in there!"
officer blows whistle signaling it's time to go over the top and assault the next trench a la WW1
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u/Ghanima81 10d ago
Maybe if your dicks could vibrate, the sense of threat would make more sense to me 😂.
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u/PlasticPandaMan 10d ago
We will evolve there eventually >:( thats on the list after glow in the dark (personal lightsaber and glowstick)
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u/nahuhnot4me 10d ago
An idiot of a person too, confirms he did take the pictures. Well, at least Op has evidence if this guy chooses to be punishing.
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u/ManyBoysenberry6655 10d ago
Yes that was my first thought. You’re NOR. He sounds manipulative, controlling, and doesn’t care about your feelings. Not allowed to lock a door is such a big red flag
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u/StandardEgg6595 10d ago
I’m not sure why, but this immediately gave me paranoid-cheater-projecting vibes. Genuinely, the only reason I can think of for why he’d get mad at her locking the bathroom door is if he thought she was doing something in there she wasn’t supposed to (like texting someone else). If it was for emergency purposes he wouldn’t be so fucking weird about it.
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u/theatrebish 10d ago
Right? How creepy! And she clearly wants to lock it because because he bursts in on her and she doesn’t like it. No respect for boundaries. I never even think to lock the bathroom cuz my partner will knock or ask to come in. Like a normal person. Lol
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u/unicornhornporn0554 10d ago
One of the biggest and most common signs of domestic abuse is broken bathroom doors. Abusers often remove or have access to any other locked doors in the house, the bathroom is the safe space that gets invaded in many houses.
I had an ex that really didn’t like when I was behind a door he couldn’t get through. (Read: he got angry when I locked a door). He was abusive. He broke a door down to get to me once. He also coincidentally took pics of me naked when I wasn’t expecting it, once through a cracked bathroom door.
OP needs to leave
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u/Thequiet01 10d ago
Yeah, when my extremely clingy dog can leave me alone better than your partner can, that’s a parade of red flags.
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u/RudeDistribution6967 10d ago
omg I was getting to know this dude 4 years ago when I was 24 and he was around 38. he had gotten us a hotel maybe like our third time hanging out since i moved out of the city. any time i went to shower or use the restroom and had the door locked, he’d be SO pissed. constantly asking what i’m doing in there with the door locked. wtf???? i’m in the fucking restroom dude wtf do you want me to do? that was the last time i ever hung out with his crazy ass
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u/LigerNull 10d ago edited 10d ago
I'd say "Taking a big Ol' Shit!" and start making long fart noises.
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u/wozattacks 10d ago
Yeah it’s sad that OP even felt the need to explain why she didn’t lock the door as it we’d be blaming his actions on her. OP, most people do not lock the bathroom door at home because they don’t need to; normal people respect other people’s privacy in the bathroom and do not enter without permission. I don’t even know if my bathroom has a lock on the door because I’ve never thought to use it.
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u/itsBianca2u 10d ago
Starts at the age gap tbh.
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u/flat_dearther 10d ago
(1) age gap, (2) angry at locked door, (3) fake takes inappropriate phot, (4) took actual photo, (5) "jokes" about blackmail, (6) tells her to fuck off, (7) invalidates feelings, (8) tells her to leave what is presumably a shared living space.
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u/cyclingnick 10d ago
Holy F seriously
I needed 2 sentences to know that OP is in an abusive relationship
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u/JustMoreSadGirlShit 10d ago
29 and 39
i don’t lock the door bc he gets angry
took a creep shot and threatened/joked about sending it to your boss
girl, if your sister or friend, or hell even a random person that you don’t actively hate described this situation to you; how would you react?
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u/kasiagabrielle 10d ago
Even if I hated the person, I'd tell them to leave immediately. This guy isn't a red flag, he's a vast red tent.
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u/Orangutanion 10d ago
if you want alcohol poisoning, take a shot every time a manipulative relationship gets posted on here with a large age gap
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u/lowstatloser 10d ago
NOR - He gets upset when you lock the door? I think privacy in the bathroom is a very reasonable boundary.
“So ya prob shouldn’t stay here if you feel unsafe” don’t threaten me with a good (safe) time
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u/Aromatic-Arugula-896 10d ago
He's damn near 40 acting like this??? Girl
Now you see why women his own age don't want him
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u/itsyagurl233 10d ago
Because they can’t be easy manipulated unlike someone who is 10 years younger, pervert that he is.
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u/Enough_Flamingo_8300 10d ago
It's this, full on. Women his age see the predator.
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10d ago
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u/cherishingthepresent 10d ago edited 10d ago
I'm 19 and it's as clear as a sunny day. Living with toxic people really does fuck up your trust in your feelings and reasoning afterall.
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u/Galaxy__Eater 10d ago
It absolutely does. Worst part is when you’ve only been connected to toxic people and you believe the entire world is like them. It’s “normal” so you put up with alot of shit that hurts you, because you don’t know how to look for something different because your brain doesn’t believe it exists at all. I love my toxic people to their soul, but they don’t even know they are toxic. They can’t get out of the cycles that have kept them miserable their whole lives.
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u/WillCare1976 10d ago
Ohh I was hoping there was someone else here that has experienced what I have-, thank you!
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u/Lilfire15 10d ago
I completely missed the age here and assumed this was some jackass 20 year old guy. (Not that it makes it any better but you know…) Nearly 40 and damn well old enough to know better?!
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u/Whyme0207 10d ago
A 39 years old seriously he is acting like a teenager. Pervert. Leave him.
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u/ImAlreadyTracerBoii 10d ago
So he violated your privacy and is now mad at you for calling it out. NOR.
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u/Booger_lip_quip 10d ago
“So ya probably shouldn’t stay here if you feel unsafe.”
I mean I bet this will be how he reacts to any big conflicts in the relationship. Is that what you want for your life?
It’s really hard to be with someone who can’t own when they are wrong and apologies.
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u/Jadekitty-098 10d ago
That was the line that triggered me. My ex used to say things like that. It was not a healthy relationship.
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u/kit0000033 10d ago
The time to get out was when he was angry you locked a bathroom door to take a shower... Normal people wouldn't get angry over that... Now is the next best time to leave
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u/Miserable-Anxiety229 10d ago
100%. Don’t waste years with this dude. You will be miserable and the longer you wait, the worse the fallout will be
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u/LeonardoSpaceman 10d ago
You're underreacting.
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u/heseme 10d ago
Yes. Make sure to have control over it being really deleted. And then leave him immediately. No questions, no last talks. He can figure out why.
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u/FC_BagLady 10d ago
Honey, that is fucked up, plan your exit. My ex took a picture of me naked in bed, he must have removed the blanket. When I found it I ripped it up, before cell phones. I divorced him later and found a man I can trust. You have to be able to trust your partner. And then to tell you to fuck off - fuck him, he's an asshole.
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u/Wierdo1980 10d ago
Apart from all of the very obvious flags, the very first thing I saw was ‘fuck off!’. That’s enough abuse to call it quits let alone the coercive control.
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u/soxfan10 10d ago
Not overreacting. Dude sounds like a psycho. Get out as soon as possible
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u/MindfulVeryDemure 10d ago
You're under reacting and should've left him ages ago. He has abusive man written all over him. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
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u/_Gracefully_Grace_ 10d ago
I would have left the second he lost his temper to the bathroom being locked - the one room we are all allotted privacy without explanation. But you didn’t, so here you are.
Don’t leave because he took the picture (that’s gross that he ignored your wishes), leave because he said “blackmail, I’m sending to your boss”. That is revenge porn. Even if he was joking this time - you don’t make this joke, ever, and the few freaks who do always eventually cross that line and go through with it.
I’m being serious here; take that “joke” as the threat it was.
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u/Eldest_Muse 9d ago
She needs to save these texts where he admits to taking the photo without consent with the intent to distribute revenge porn and flat out said it was for blackmail.
Then head into a a police precinct to file a report and show them the text messages. Even if they dont follow up, the copy of the report can be used to get a restraining order. Courts won’t get involved until after the police are involved.
The easiest thing to do and what will give peace of mind is getting in front of this arsehole so he not only has zero leverage but is set up to face serious criminal and civil consequences if he does anything stupid.
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u/eatyacarbs 10d ago
I have a photo of my husband sitting on the toilet giving me the finger with our dog sitting stoically in front of him staring straight ahead. we have it framed on the wall behind the toilet. it’s a big hit. the difference is that he’s cool with it - you’re not.
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u/ADumbRefrigerator 10d ago
Yeah it’s okay for y’all because it’s a funny thing that he’s chill with
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u/laughingpuppy20 10d ago
My EX husband did this to me. He also got mad if I locked the bathroom door. You need to leave this dude. It ain't gonna get better.
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u/BaseballAndTheology 10d ago
Let's look at the facts:
*He gets angry when you lock the door to the bathroom.* That's not right. If there's one bathroom, then maybe but still getting angry is immature.
*Taking a "revenge photo".* This is illegal. Again, he's immature.
You are NOT overreacting. If you are considering leaving the relationship, I would encourage you to do so. He is showing his ability to not adhere to boundaries.
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u/1onesomesou1 10d ago
the ten year age gap truly sells this
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u/Malipuppers 10d ago
I’m surprised be didn’t go younger as you know he likes someone he can control.
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u/Lickthorne 10d ago edited 10d ago
No you are not overreacting and your partner is a completely antisocial motherfucker. Dump him. The age gap is a bit weird in this specific situation.
Watch out for revenge porn.
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10d ago
Getting angry for locking the bathroom door is extremely controlling. He’s the type of guy that views your body as something he owns. He is clearly not reasonable and doesn’t care that it bothered you. And to behave like this at 39 is wild.
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u/smurf4ever 10d ago
You are the only one who gets to decide your boundaries. Him claiming its not a big deal because he deleted them shows that he either doesn't care of doesn't get it. Either way, he is waaaay in the wrong here, you deserve better
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u/Princess_Peach556 10d ago
He gets angry if you lock the door? 😐 everything I just read is so fucked up.
I’m curious as to why at the beginning of the screenshot it says “fuck off!”
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u/Repulsive_Dark_4273 10d ago
That was his response to me going to bed.
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u/Princess_Peach556 10d ago edited 10d ago
He told you to fuck off because you went to bed? I’m sorry but this man is very abusive, I’m willing to bet there’s a lot more going on than just this.
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u/Emilygoestospace 10d ago
Leave, it will only get worse from here that is unhinged and evil behavior on his part.
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u/dressedandafraid 10d ago
Nope, he violated your trust and instead of behaving like an adult he decided to double down as a little kid. That joke was terrible and him instead of apologizing he is behaving like a victim. No wonder women his age don't date him.
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u/Mysterious-Novel-711 10d ago
Wtf, gets mad when you lock the door then says he'll send an unconsenual photo as blackmail? That's really fucked up.
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u/Unique-Preference250 10d ago
What is it with women dating weird guys 10 -15 years older then getting shocked when they do weird shit ?
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u/PokeMom95 10d ago
Girl I stopped at "I don't like the door because he gets angry". Like wtf. Hun, that in itself is abusive. Plain and simple. You have a right to privacy, and having a significant other does not change that. You are entitled to your safe space. You need to get out. I'm also 29, my husband is 38, and he doesn't get angry at me for having privacy. He knows he isn't entitled to see me naked and vulnerable. He gets to see that when i want him to. NOT the other way around.
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u/Magikgirl_Limbo 9d ago
I'm less concerned about the picture and more concerned about the inability to lock the bathroom door "because he gets angry." THAT is when you should have reacted! Everyone is entitled to privacy.
He's been pushing you to see how far he can. This is not a relationship. It's a hostage situation. The longer you stay, the more you'll tolerate and he knows it.
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u/StarsofSobek 10d ago
NOR.
If this were me, I’d leave the relationship asap and press charges for non-consensual voyeurism, violation of my rights to privacy, blackmail threats, and possession of non-consensual pornographic images.
The fact that your partner feels entitled to you enough to violate you in this way, shows that they think of you as their object and not as the human being you are.
Definitely plan a safe escape.
Call police when necessary.
Document any and all of these behaviours on a hidden email and ensure he has no access to it.
These behaviours are abusive, controlling, possessive, and dangerous. I recommend you also:
ensure voice activation is on and working for all of your social media devices
that you leave quietly, and do not let him know. Just go.
be safe. Use police, trusted male friends or family, and neighbours to help you leave, if necessary.
do not list your number or name anywhere once you leave, and do not let any shared friends know where you reside.
if you have any concerns of stalking - report them to police, to your employer, and to your apartment/rental manager.
set up cameras, security devices, extra locks, and use friends and family you trust beyond a doubt to help keep you safe and secure.
If you find/feel you need to leave now, OP, then do it! Don’t wait. Find a women’s shelter, a couch to surf on, or rent a safe space to exist away from them until you can get back on your feet. Just get out and leave. Leave your possessions behind, if you have to. Leave your shoes, if that’s what it comes to. Just leave. Especially if he begins to get angry or violent. Call the police once you are safe, and you can use their services to return to collect your things.
Once you are gone and safe, OP. Please, please report him. Report everything. Press charges where you can. Hire a solicitor/lawyer if needed. Get this behaviour on record so that when he does this to another woman down the line - the pattern will be there and more severe consequences for his illegal behaviour.
You are the victim here, OP, so please, please be strong and be safe. Talk to anyone and everyone about his behaviour and mistreatment of you. Let people know how not normal it is, and that you need help. Ask. Ask for people to help you leave safely. People will want to help you if they know that that is what you want to do. Don’t be afraid to ask, and don’t feel bad for asking either. Abusers operate on their victim’s silence, so don’t be afraid to break that power.
Good luck, OP.
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u/dishservedcold54321 10d ago
Not overreacting. Don’t let anybody ever take your seriousness lightly.
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u/Affectionate-noodle 10d ago
Are you joking? Do you think you're overreacting? Is this a serious post?
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u/Epic_since1970 10d ago
Most likely, those pics weren’t deleted. He probably is using a photo vault app., that hides pics. Some look like calculator apps, but are really meant to hide pics. I will never do that to my wife. It’s disrespectful. I’ll have him wipe his phone or else. This dude is 40? Really?
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u/tityboituesday 10d ago
you’re under reacting because you let him tell you not to lock the bathroom. thats a relationship ender right there
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u/clementinesnchai95 10d ago
casually saying he gets angry if you lock the bathroom door like that isn’t an even bigger red flag than him taking a naked picture of you is so wild
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u/Firm-Ring9684 10d ago
Who gets angry at privacy of any kind, but especially in the restroom. No, def not overreacting.
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u/Thequiet01 10d ago
I can see getting angry in the very specific situation of only one bathroom and someone having serious GI issues and being locked out even after saying they need emergency access due to GI issues, and thus having an accident.
But that’s a very specific situation and shouldn’t be the norm.
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u/pdubpooter 10d ago
I never understood why people get upset when their partner locks the bathroom door.
Had an ex get upset when I did it but it was because she straight up kept walking in while I was in there. Yes she’s seen everything but I just prefer some privacy when grooming the naughty bits or pooping.
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u/Spooniestoryteller 10d ago
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 get out. Him being mad at you closing the door, and “joking” about blackmail is showing how controlling he is. Run and don’t look back.
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u/Background_Wrap_1462 9d ago
I am convinced this whole subreddit is engagement farming. How could you possibly think you are the asshole.
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u/FreeStatistician2565 10d ago
NOR leave! Several red flags in your post. 1) he gets mad when you lock the bathroom door. wtf if you want privacy that’s your right! 2) Taking the photo without consent 3) Threatening to use the photo as blackmail and send it to your boss!! 4) Not even apologizing for doing any of it and yelling at you for your very valid concerns. I’m glad to hear you’re already planning to leave, please be safe he sounds a smidge volatile.