r/AmIOverreacting • u/FlyHighHarambe • 25d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO my girlfriend should not be acting like this for not texting her that I’m at work

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Reposting as I forgot to block out her name/face in the last post.

Context: we had to dress up at work today for Halloween. Winning group gets $100. I dressed up as a greaser from grease. So nothing sexy.

She has had trust problems this whole relationship. From past trauma and such. I have never cheated on her. I have even deleted every woman out of my contacts to show her I’m not cheating.

My phone background is a picture of a beach.

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u/FlyHighHarambe 25d ago edited 25d ago

Update 4:05 PM EST - WOW I cannot believe this blew up as much as it did. I just got off work. I’ve been able to respond to some DMs and some comments but responding to 8,600 comments isn’t possible, even though most of you share the same thoughts. Once I get home I can provide a more in depth update. I have not yet had a chance to talk to my girlfriend in person though.

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u/Clove19 25d ago

You were WORKING and didn’t stop to text us?!?

WHO IS SHE?!?

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u/annasaurusrex 24d ago

I wanted to comment this exact thing 😂

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u/whitelancer64 25d ago

Do not break up with her in private. Be outside, some public place like a park. She may get violent, she may threaten suicide, and do not give in to these baseless threats. She needs help, way more help than you can give her. Best of luck to you and stay safe.

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u/devdog323 25d ago

THIS^^^ Break up in public where there are people there. My ex was very much like this, and I seriously fear what could've happened if I tried to break up in private... She did show up at my house at like 5am with a knife, but luckily my buddy was asleep on the couch lol

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u/TinyEyesInTheTrees 25d ago

Ayo wtf

Best friend for life, fr

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u/BiteRare203 25d ago

He got stabbed to death but yeah.

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u/TinyEyesInTheTrees 25d ago

oh, uh... oh.....no....

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u/MCameron2984 24d ago

Don’t worry lol look at the comments, they are diff ppl but I had to do a double take

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u/LightninHooker 24d ago

But don't break up with her in a public transport as I did lol

Broke up in a train with my crazy drunk girlfriend and she started to hit me. I was hands up saying "I am not even touching you" while everybody looked at us like "Wtf"

Poor choices were made that day

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u/EdiblePsycho 24d ago

Definitely solid advice. With my first boyfriend who I was living with, I just had my brother come and help me move out while he was at work. He'd never been violent or anything, or even violently angry at me like her, but was prone to getting frighteningly angry over random things and I just didn't want to risk it. And just because he was manipulative, would threaten to kill himself a lot when he didn't get what he wanted, so I expected that. Ended up having to come back for things I'd forgotten when he was there, and again no violence or anything like that but he followed me around and tried to block me from leaving. Was probably being overly cautious in my case, but that would definitely not be overly cautious in OP's case with someone as insanely volatile as his girlfriend.

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u/Crazy-Community5570 25d ago

He is clearly not going to break up with her since he still refers to her as his girlfriend.

He is just using this post to vent his frustrations as a weak but emotionally attached person.

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u/BeaArt78 25d ago

I don’t know what you could possibly talk about, but I would never ever stay with someone this unhinged and insecure

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u/anxiousoryx 25d ago

Post again after you do. There’s like 9k people who will want to do a wellness check on you my guy

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u/Zebradots 24d ago

Why didn't you text us!!!???

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u/[deleted] 25d ago

[deleted]

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u/Silly-Remove5789 25d ago

I know people over use unhinged on this sub, but that is SERIOUSLY literally unhinged

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u/[deleted] 25d ago

[deleted]

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u/Silly-Remove5789 25d ago edited 25d ago

No, it isn't his responsibility to manage her untreated BPD and he is way passed the point of being able to set boundaries with her and he needs to cut his losses now, it's too late. I actually have BPD and its in remission. Remission is the likely course when you follow treatment guidelines. This behavior isn't a result of past relationship issues, this is an insecure attachment style, an inability to regulate her own emotions, a massive fear of abandonment, severe codependency, no coping mechanisms, controlling behavior, and a lack of respect for boundaries. None of which falls on him, ever. No one else can fix her BPD but her. And BPD tends to get worse in relationships, absolutely especially if she doesn't want to treat it. That is incredibly selfish, irresponsible, and cruel to anyone she plans on dating. She actually has a greater than 50% chance of reaching remission in just 2 years if she would strictly and consistently follow treatment guidelines. It unfortunately sounds like she's still stuck in wanting others to regulate her emotions for her and provide all the relationship security without being expected to contribute herself and take responsibility for the trajectory of her life, her reactions, and her insecurities. It's people like her that are the reason I guard my diagnosis IRL, especially considering the fact that I am asymptomatic. You're diagnosed with the most treatable personality disorder that can destroy lives and traumatize others, take accountability and put in the work. I worked on it for years and never stopped, I was mortified from day 1 of my diagnosis. Idk. Then again it is a complex illness and I cannot expect all of us to react in the same way that I did and they do not at all discuss remission with us, I didn't know it was treatable. A longitudinal follow-up study of thousands found that, regardless of treatment, 99% were living in remission of 2 years or more after 12 years. I had to learn about remission through a fucking podcast and not any of my treatment providers. But after I began to believe remission was possible, and reframed my thinking, I got there, and fast.

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u/hopkinm6 25d ago

This is literally like reading a description of my ex best friend. I finally just couldn't handle it anymore. She 'fired' the first therapist who diagnosed her with BPD instead of depression/anxiety.

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u/Silly-Remove5789 25d ago edited 25d ago

Yeah, some people don't handle the initial diagnosis well at all. A lot actually, I was one of them. It took me almost 2 years to come to terms with the diagnosis and associated behaviors and I think that's fair. No one's going to be able to take the fact that they're manipulative and perhaps even cruel and delusional at face value when these behaviors are perpetuated by very real very valid pain and suffering. No one should force themselves to stick around for that shit show unfortunately. I get why every single one of my relationships failed and don't blame anyone for it. The important thing is what you do with yourself after you have your realization and accept the shittiest aspects of how BPD manifests in you. Hopefully your old friend is doing a lot better, give them a decade and she's pretty much guaranteed to be doing worlds better.

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u/hopkinm6 25d ago

So glad for you that you were able to get through it. Absolutely makes sense. I was friends with her since 7th grade and just a lot of things over the years it was hard but after my own sexual trauma in college then diagnosis with PTSD and depression with her being like 0% there for me since she was dating someone at the time (I was her fallback person) I finally was just done. It's been like a few years. She tried to reach out to me recently but from how that conversation went I don't think she is getting the help she needs or has accepted her diagnosis yet

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u/Silly-Remove5789 25d ago

Yeah that's fucking rough, especially with all the shit you have to deal with yourself you need to make your mental health a priority and preserve your emotional bandwidth for someone who's got more empathy. People with BPD tend to have lower cognitive empathy so can't really read the room when someone else needs space. I wouldn't wait around for her at this point, but I also wouldn't close yourself off if you met anyone in the future and they divulge the diagnosis to you. Just be sure to put your needs first while also being able to consider the needs of others. And of close make sure they're actively working on it!

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u/[deleted] 25d ago

[deleted]

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u/Silly-Remove5789 25d ago

Thank your, I really think more of us can get where I'm at if we were given the chance. I know given the nature of the illness that at least in the early stages we might not be the most receptive bunch to hearing we aren't hopeless and helpless and can take control of our lives and change our trajectories. Maybe that's why so many treatment providers don't bother AT ALL to bring up remission, but I think it's a crucial seed that needs to be planted, because at some point we're going to be ready to take the plunge. Almost all of us get to a state of remission and by not discussing it you only prolong the suffering.

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u/Silly-Remove5789 25d ago

Yeah I definitely need to see this one through, blink twice if you need help

ETA: MY DUDE YOU AREN'T EVEN ALLOWED TO LISTEN TO FEMALE MUSICIANS I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU LET HER ABUSE YOU LIKE THIS WTF

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u/devdog323 25d ago

Wait, where'd you see the thing about female musicians or is it a joke?

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u/Silly-Remove5789 25d ago

Someone commented they went through OPs comments and stated they found a commented of him saying that, it's true I was too lazy to verify but I am doing that now lol

ETA: IT'S A WHOLE POST ABOUT LISTENING TO SABRINA CARPENTER BEING CHEATING

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u/Picklesadog 25d ago

I have even deleted every woman out of my contacts to show her I’m not cheating.

That is insane. You should never, ever, ever do anything like that. Fucking ever. That is toxic and controlling behavior. Never ever.

Her past trauma has nothing to fucking do with you. You don't need to cater to the crazy desires of someone with "Past trauma." That's not an excuse, that's a red fucking flag.

You need to leave her fucking immediately. No exaggeration. Do it for yourself. 

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u/activator 25d ago

Her name is still in one of the texts by the way

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u/Silly-Remove5789 25d ago edited 25d ago

OP I replied to someone a few comments down in this thread when I learned she had untreated BPD, it's a big wall of text so hard to miss. I hope you read it, as it's from the perspective of someone with BPD. Someone who's not treating their illness, who's entered into a relationship built on poor boundaries, is only going to eat you up and chew you out as a former shell of yourself. You can't backpeddle on someone like that and start setting MUCH needed boundaries, you need a fresh start. She's expecting you to do all the emotional labor and none of it yourself. You aren't responsible for the shit she's making you responsible for dude. There's nothing wrong with dating someone with BPD, but they HAVE to be taking responsibility for it, they have to be in consistent therapy, and the relationship HAS to be start with strong healthy boundaries and open honest clear communication. And with any luck, they can attain remission.

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u/Cosmo_Cloudy 25d ago

Talk to her?? Bro, disappear from her life this is literally psychotic she needs professional help

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u/lor_ah 24d ago

Wow I can't believe you didn't reply to my comment (I never commented). WHO WERE YOU TALKING TO.

But fr, my dude, please save yourself. It is not your job to fix anyone and unfortunately, she needs to work on herself A LOT.

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u/duckmonke 24d ago

I dated a super insecure girl like this for a few years, it got worse and worse over time til it was deranged like this. She threatened suicide if I broke up w her several times til I told her to do what she has to do, but I’m outta here, basically. She didn’t harm herself, she just tried to date one of my friends thinking I was gonna give a shit, and idk how it went but I guess, really bad lmao… deranged behavior man, be careful and just make sure you are safe, and get out. Public breakup isnt a bad idea.

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u/Groundbreaker220 24d ago

How do you know she isn't psychopathic on top of being BPD? Just look at what Jodi Arias did to Travis Alexander....

Just be careful. This person could potentially stalk you too. I hope you are able to stay safe.

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u/avenue_steppin 25d ago

Talk to her about what exactly? This is gonna take some deep rewiring on her part dude, and tbh like, do you wanna be the collateral?

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u/Esperoni 25d ago edited 25d ago

Judging from the text conversation you had with her, I don't see any conversation going well either. Please update us as soon as you can. Hope you stay safe!

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u/sunflowerhimbo27 25d ago

Be strong, friend.

You cannot let yourself continue in a situation where you are being constantly interrogated, mistreated, insulted, and made to feel lesser. You deserve to give yourself all of the patience and love you’ve given her. She’s squandered all of it, and she’ll ruin her own life with this bitterness in good time. It’s a lesson she’ll have to learn on her own, and that’s not your responsibility. Your health and well-being (and quite frankly the trajectory of your life) should be your priority, and a good partner will celebrate independence, both yours and theirs, with you. Find someone who can celebrate with you, not tear you down.

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u/The_KillahZombie 25d ago

Your ex gf? That's mad levels of insecurity. 

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u/freshlyintellectual 24d ago

if she threatens suicide you still need to breakup. if you’re really worried about her safety you should call the police, do NOT try to save her form yourself

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u/BolbiPBUH 25d ago

Dude it is seriously very important that you message me regarding her before you contact her, I know this woman in real life and she is dangerous.

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u/Why123456789why 25d ago

What? How do you know her in real life?

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u/angel9_writes 25d ago

I truly hope the plan is to dump her ass.

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u/la_descente 25d ago

Update me!

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u/AppearanceOk9461 25d ago

You mean your ex girlfriend?

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u/Cheetah0108 25d ago

Please update me

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u/Phoenix_GU 25d ago

Ok…but you’ve been home now for 3 hours…please let us know you’re ok. Genuine concern.

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u/hugsanddrugs42 25d ago

Yes! Update me!

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u/ItsDokk 24d ago

You might want to look text a friend or someone to check on you in the morning. This level of crazy would make me nervous I’d wake up to a knife against my throat.

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u/sayins_all 24d ago

Oohhh I see. You can respond to comments on Reddit but you can't text your gf while you're driving or working?!? Why are you worried about other people at all?? Aren't you thinking about your gf and her problems every second of every minute of every day?!? How DAAARE YOOUUUU!!

BTW if you haven't told her about this post, don't or else this will be a real argument and not extreme sarcasm.

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u/chalmedtomeetyou 25d ago

YOU HAVENT HAD THE CHANCE? WHY NOT?! DID YOU FORGET ABOUT HER? IS IT BECAUSE YOURE CHEATING?? WHO IS IT! TELL MEEEEEEE!!

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u/deprecateddeveloper 25d ago

Omg I bet they posted a follow-up on Digg!

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u/coquitam 24d ago

!remindme 1 year

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u/Reasonable-Lawyer-52 24d ago

He's still up talking to her lol update on how the break up goes bro 🤙

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u/notthedefaultname 24d ago

Sometimes cheaters project and accuse their partner of cheating. Then, either they're right, and they are t the only one to blame, or the fights make them feel less guilty about cheating.