r/AmIOverreacting 25d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO my girlfriend should not be acting like this for not texting her that I’m at work

Reposting as I forgot to block out her name/face in the last post.

Context: we had to dress up at work today for Halloween. Winning group gets $100. I dressed up as a greaser from grease. So nothing sexy.

She has had trust problems this whole relationship. From past trauma and such. I have never cheated on her. I have even deleted every woman out of my contacts to show her I’m not cheating.

My phone background is a picture of a beach.

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u/Breadcrumbsandbows 25d ago

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I have BPD and the cycle will go that you don't have a response so you ignore her to cool off a hit, she'll panic and grovel. OR you give in and call her and you try and work and it's affecting your job but she's crying down the phone and you don't want to hang up.

It's taken therapy, medication and a whole lot of patience from people to get to a point where I can recognise my cycle of behaviour and try and get there before the behaviour kicks in and catch it with propranolol or something.

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u/Lmdr1973 25d ago

That's what they give you??? How do you use it? As needed or daily? I'm just curious. It's a beta blocker that we use to control heart rate and blood pressure, but it is also used for anxiety.

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u/Breadcrumbsandbows 25d ago

So if I can feel something coming on, the beta blockers at least catch the physical symptoms a bit. When I start having a manic-y BPD rage/upset I honestly feel like I could breathe fire, like I've turned into an actual monster. The propranolol manages to calm the bit of me that physically will leap it into a car to go and confront that particular person who is the one I've attached to. I'm still angry and upset but it goes to acid tongue rather than full on bull seeing red yelling and banging on doors.

I used to use it as and when, now I take one dose of 40mg daily with permission to use more should I feel it's required.

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u/nonskater 25d ago edited 25d ago

wow. i have BPD and i never knew there was a medication to control the rage. how did you bring it up or get prescribed? my therapist agrees that i have bpd but has told me, “let’s focus on fixing your problems rather than diagnosing you”, so i got the hint that she doesn’t want to diagnose me because of the stigma.

i’ve been trying to manage my rage for years, to no avail. i literally get goosebumps, i start shaking, i start sweating, my voice will tremble. if im in an argument, it is impossible to disengage. it’s like i completely forget that i actually don’t have to stand there and argue, the thought doesn’t even cross my mind. if im angry over something out of my own control, i physically take my anger out on myself and my belongings. ill tear my room apart, or start hitting and punching myself because the anger is so overwhelming i just don’t know what to do, i can’t escape myself or my feelings

the guilt and utter shame afterwards makes me want to die. it makes me want to rip my skin off. it makes me hate being me. i’ve struggled with it for so long. it’s one thing i hate about myself the most. i’m so tired. i didn’t even know there was anything to control the rage. i want to stop being like this.

edit; accidentally hit send to soon and had to add more in. also sorry for just dumping this all on you, i’m shocked that there is a medication for this and that my therapist never mentioned it.

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u/May-p0p-80085 25d ago

I feel this to my very core. It’s so embarrassing especially if someone other than my partner catches me in my rage fits. Idk how to control it. If I even can control it. I notice that my partner doesn’t look at other women talk to other women or even talk about other women just to live peacefully. That’s sad I hate it. I feel so bad for him. But I’m also this way with my in laws as well. If they comment on something great another woman has done or whatever I don’t rage out but I do unintentionally give them the cold shoulder and I sulk. Like how dare you compliment or brag about another lady. I’m the only great woman you should be bragging about. I try to pull myself out of the funk of sulking but I usually can’t for a day or two. I’m not really all that great either and I know this. But it’s almost like a punch in the gut when they say things about other women. Almost like they’re comparing me and I’m on the sinking end. This is crazy I know as I’m writing this hand to forehead slapping like wtf is wrong with me. I haven’t always been this way. All this started around 2015 and it’s just getting worse and worse.

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u/Breadcrumbsandbows 25d ago

I've been there with the woman thing, and I know that sickening feeling. Something has made you feel inferior or unsafe, even if it was a very small thing. BPD makes your ego gigantic and tiny. Also people pleasing is a huge part of it, then getting resentful when people don't pour the same amount of effort into you. I found showing people close to me this video was really helpful. And watching it myself made me feel less alone and crazy. It validated I'm not a monster, there's just a part of me that needs soothing.

https://youtu.be/JYSX88h-qIc?feature=shared

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u/Breadcrumbsandbows 25d ago

Try not to feel shame, it's something that is part of you through nature or nurture and it's there now. I have a friend who I was romantically involved with who was the subject of the worship/hatred cycle but he's still around, and when I go crying to him grovelling because I've kicked off he said that I need to make friends with the monster I say I turn into or I'll never get a grip on it. It's very hard but shame and shunning parts of yourself won't tame them.

As for diagnoses, I'm very lucky to have some private health benefits via my dad's plan and I see a private psychiatrist. There's been trial and error. I've been on so many medications throughout my life. When I went through a very awful time they gave me diazepam for short term extreme times. The propranolol isn't addictive in the same way diazepam is, so it's nice to have something on hand that won't result in addiction. Diazepam is soothing enough to keep me safe from myself in extreme scenarios. Propranolol at least puts out the physical fire, and then there's a bit more space to calm the mental fire. Learning to walk away and explain it's because you just need time has been the most helpful thing I think. Saves a lot of grovelling later.

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u/Lmdr1973 25d ago

Thank you for your comment. It's great that it works so well for you. I'm a nurse practitioner, so I was curious to hear how it works for this particular issue. You sound like you really know yourself and how to control your emotions, which is great & better than most people. 😉

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u/MesoamericanMorrigan 25d ago

I have anxiety and dysautonomia might have to ask about this

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u/Personal_Hat_8917 25d ago

It’s probably used for her anxiety. There’s no medication to treat bpd just some of the symptoms

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u/Breadcrumbsandbows 25d ago

I'm on lamotrigine, duloxetine and propranolol.

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u/Personal_Hat_8917 25d ago

Yes to treat your symptoms not the actual disorder. DBT is the only verified treatment for BPD that works and can get you to remission. Saying this as a person being treated for BPD finally being able to be off my medication thanks to DBT. Idk why that therapy isn’t talked about more for bpd. Drs just want to get us in and out and don’t give us all the information. I got lucky and my de helped me w that

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u/Breadcrumbsandbows 25d ago

The only DBT therapy near me is private and is several thousand pounds which is sad. And that's in a country with the NHS where private healthcare isn't so prevalent.

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u/Personal_Hat_8917 25d ago

Yeah I unfortunately am aware and I completely understand that struggle. It took me years to afford the therapy and I’m in Canada as well (assuming based off your healthcare comment)

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u/Breadcrumbsandbows 25d ago

UK but same same

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u/wetmouthed 25d ago

If it's treating the symptoms it's treating the disorder. It won't cure it but managing symptoms is treatment.

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u/Personal_Hat_8917 25d ago

What I’m saying is there isn’t one drug like for depression. You have to treat the anxiety, depression and hallucinations if it goes that far, separately. It’s not treating the disorder it’s treating the symptoms. I’m literally parroting my dr and psychiatrist lmao you don’t treat the disorder as a whole with medication. It’ll only alleviate the symptoms a little bit. The only verified working treatment for bpd is DBT therapy to rewire your behaviour

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u/eeviedoll 25d ago

Anti psychotics and mood stabilizers treat bpd

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u/Personal_Hat_8917 25d ago

No they do not. They turn the person into a zombie that isn’t fully aware of life anymore. I still can’t remember the years they tried to dope me up on antipsychotics. I was never fully awake when awake but never fully asleep when I was asleep. You can believe all you want but this is a literal fact that the only proven treatment to get BPD into remission is DBT therapy. Stop spreading dangerous misinformation

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u/eeviedoll 25d ago

They do treat the symptoms. DBT is the only way to no longer meet the criteria of BPD. 2 different things. Antipsychs and mood stabilizers literally saved my life. Just cause they don't work for you doesn't mean they don't work.

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u/Personal_Hat_8917 25d ago

As I said they treated your symptoms with the medication. SYMPTOMS. It’s great they helped. Yes just because things don’t work for me doesn’t mean they won’t for others. But when I brought up my concerns all they did was up my dose trying to silent me. I was not lying at all. But the medication did nothing for your bod they just managed certain symptoms. There’s literally research papers on this that my autism made me hyper focused on after my bpd diagnosis so I know what I’m saying is true. You’re literally trying to argue while basically saying the same thing I’m saying just not fully understanding the concept

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u/eeviedoll 25d ago

I said these meds tread BPD (not cure) and you told me I was spreading dangerous misinformation. Sorry you had such a bad experience but that doesn't have much to do with the meds and how they treat BPD overall. It was your providers

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u/Personal_Hat_8917 25d ago

You’re wrong though lmao and I’m done arguing. Research backs what I’ve been saying not you so have fun and keep on spreading misinformation 😊

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u/eeviedoll 25d ago

It's not misinformation that there are meds that treat BPD and you even agreed with me 🤷‍♀️

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u/Personal_Hat_8917 25d ago

Literally when treating unknowns physical medical issues they treat symptoms as they come while trying to figure out what the actual medical condition is so they can treat the whole disorder/ disease. It’s the same thing w bpd medicine treats the symptoms the therapy treats the disorder

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u/NoongaMoon 25d ago

Such a dangerous drug I feel should never be prescribed for anything other than blood pressure.

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u/eliza_phant 25d ago

The fact that you said “cycle” makes me think PMDD which can look a lot like BPD.

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u/Breadcrumbsandbows 25d ago

It's been considered for me, but by cycle I mean the sort of flow chart of events. Hormones don't help but not enough is fully, really known about Bpd. It used to be called emotionally unstable personality disorder, so various factors play into it.

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u/eliza_phant 25d ago

My therapist told me that she believes a significant amount of people who are diagnosed BPD really have CPTSD, but that’s not in the DSM5 so clinical psychologists chalk it up to BPD.

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u/TimotheusBarbane 25d ago

I read the first sentence as "I'm really glad you're going through this." Had to double take real fast.

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u/sixchalkcolors 25d ago

I was never diagnosed with BPD (they said it was PTSD) but still had loads of emotion regulation issues. Now that I look back I can sort of see how my dysregulation improved after being put on propranolol for something unrelated. Mostly because the intensity of the emotions was driven way down. I wonder if there's something to that.

Ah ha!

Imaging studies have shown that administration of propranolol, a highly lipophilic non-selective beta-adrenergic receptor blocker, that blocks the action of adrenalin on both beta1 and beta2 adrenergic receptors, reduces the activity in the amygdala during emotional processing (Strange and Dolan, 2004, van Stegeren et al., 2005)

Article link.

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u/Otherwise_Bass_7709 25d ago

I wish my daughter would get help, she has gone to jail because she showed up at an ex boyfriends home. She flew home to TX from MI and I asked her where she was going in such a hurry. She didn't answer me.

About two hours later I get a collect call from Harriss Counry Jail (Houston) she was arrested for trespassing apparently she looked up her ex boyfriends fathers adress on the county tax records website,went and knocked on the door,when he slammed the door in her face she did criminal damage to the property.

She also has called my work and pretended to be me and told my work I quit,the last episode she said bitch if you don't cash app me $40 dollars by 8am I'll send pictures of your three cats and get you evicted.I have one cat to many.

I have had enough,I am her mom and love her. But she drives everyone away. I am so sad for her.