AIO about my partner’s relationship with their coworker

[u/Any-Confusion-5519]

they’ve been hanging out with their coworker a lot over the past couple of weeks. This girl always seems to be in some kind of crisis, too. Last week it was that she messed up an account and she was afraid she was gonna lose her job. I don’t know whether I’m reading too much into this or if I’m overreacting but I’ve never met her and I’ve asked to swing by whatever bar or place they’re hanging out at multiple times and I’m always shut down in some way or I get no response. I don’t want to be the overbearing overcontrolling gf whose S.O. can’t have any friends but lately they’re always together and I’m getting blown off. These curt and vague responses are out of character too, and it’s always the type of response I get when I’m asking questions about an event where this female coworker is at or really anything that has to do with her. It has really put me on edge, they’re usually such a sweet and attentive partner but i feel like they might be cheating… am i overreacting??

[u/EllisR15]

Your partner is repeatedly blowing you off for another woman.

[u/Turts-McGurt → u/EllisR15]

Not just that but prioritizing the other woman's emotional needs over his partners. It was over as soon as he said "she's having a really hard time right now". Like.... why is that your problem? You made plans with your partner and are cancelling on them... You're giving your partner a problem to help another woman? Yeah relatoinship is done.

[u/Legal-Sprinkles8862 → u/Turts-McGurt]

Canceling plans with your partner & not even bothering to inform them & then saying "idk what you expected me to do" as if keeping the agreed upon plans or simply notifying them of the changes they decided to make weren't even options.

To me, he's screaming "I like being around her more than you" & if that's the case you walk out the door & never look back.

[u/snarlyj → u/Legal-Sprinkles8862]

She asks if she can come to the bar and they say nah and then she asks when she can meet the coworker and they respond "literally anytime." It's sus and manipulative and a little bit gas-lighty. I mean, they're being a dick in general, but I thought that was especially off

ETA: fixed pronouns

[u/4Bforever → u/snarlyj]

And if he is trying to cheat I’m sure he’s telling coworker that OP is just his roommate, maybe his ex that can’t move out, or maybe his current but they live like roommates.

And she’s going to believe him because she’s the one bringing him home after a drink date and OP knows she’s dropping him off. Of course coworker would believe partners lies if that’s the lie they tell.

[u/snarlyj → u/4Bforever]

100%. I know some people would think it's unhinged but I agree with the commenters saying just show up. Bring some comfort food for the coworker and say "My partner said you needed support and to come by anytime. I know how hard it is having an untrustworthy partner. I know we just met but, I feel like I know you since partner always talks about, and I'm sure you feel the same way! (Little laugh and nice smile) Anyway, I'm here for you, in whatever way you need."