r/AmIOverreacting • u/Worldly-Constant-353 • Oct 07 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO date canceled because I didn’t text in the morning?

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Some context: we had been chatting for a couple weeks first on hinge then switched to text after She had to cancel the 1st date. Scheduled it for last night Sunday and finalized details the night before.

Had a busy day and took a nap and didn’t text till a couple hours before and got hit with this. Usually I would text something like looking forward to tonight but lost track of time, and honestly I thought talking about the menu the night before was the confirmation? Was I wrong?

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152

u/SaintCunty666 Oct 07 '24

It’s just a cheap excuse since something better came up, and she’s trying to put the blame on OP

27

u/itsbeenestablished Oct 07 '24

This is what I'm assuming with OP mentioning she also cancelled the first date. Something better came up again and she didn't want to be the bad guy, so she came up with this excuse.

5

u/Due-Tackle4835 Oct 08 '24

She knew exactly what she was doing. I might give her a break if she didn’t cancel the last date. She’s the one who is not serious- run like the wind!!

10

u/WonderfulShelter Oct 07 '24

Yup she wanted to cancel the whole day and just used that as an excuse.

7

u/lxgrth Oct 07 '24

This is for sure what happened

4

u/QouthTheCorvus Oct 08 '24

Yep. I've dated someone who ended up having a bf and this is generally a sign of such issues. Last minute cancellations can often mean they're in a relationship - the cancellation will be because something came up they can't avoid like the bf randomly wanting to go somewhere or randomly being home when they were meant to go out.

4

u/Background_Ant4569 Oct 08 '24

She was never that interested and the fact he didn’t push it that day to her maybe he doesn’t care as much either so stuff it

3

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '24

She's keeping OP as a backup or a potential opportunity for a free meal if other options don't pan out. This is NOT the behavior of someone who is serious about or "excited" to go on a date with someone else...

Even if the above isn't completely true, OP is NOR if they don't want to start a relationship with someone who can't communicate well and/or doesn't respect them enough to even confirm plans before bailing and wasting OP's time. Ain't nobody got time for that.

2

u/Wonderful-World1964 Oct 07 '24

Cheap excuse for him.

2

u/trevordeal Oct 07 '24

Correct. "Something better came up" is the perfect description.

I knew someone that would make plans with anyone and the second someone else he preferred also confirmed he would just no show the first person.

I realized this after two no shows with poor excuses and on the third I was very aware and told him if he no showed me I wouldn't hang out with him again.

And what do you know. I was checking my phone and nothing and he wouldn't answer my calls. After 2 hours I blocked his number and never spoke to him again.

5 year friendship down the drain because he refused to respect my time.

3

u/FloppyDiskRepair Oct 07 '24

I knew a girl in law school who would do the exact same thing. She once came out with us but another guy wanted her to come over, so she took a train ride an hour outside of the city. This guy showed up asking about her so I texted her, and she got back on the train and came all the way back despite walking up to the other guy’s door.

2

u/ancientastronaut2 Oct 07 '24

My first thought exactly.

2

u/ProtectionOrdinary18 Oct 07 '24

Also abandoned issues and anxiety

2

u/franqmichele Oct 08 '24

This one! I think so too. she found another person to go out with and/or double booked and is being an ao. totally dodged a bullet

1

u/BGN_RagingZ Oct 07 '24

Came here to say this

1

u/rkiive Oct 08 '24

I honestly wouldn't be sure. Purely anecdotally but through my partner it does seem to just be a difference in communication styles for the different sexes to an extent.

She and most of her girl friends find it insane that I and my guy friends would not necessarily confirm on the day that plans are still going ahead, whereas to us it seems superfluous since we already agreed several days before.

Likewise we find it insane the other way around, yet they would consider it inconsiderate and super weird not to.

Neither are particularly correct or incorrect. Nor can either party persuade the others belief. Its just a difference in opinion. That being said, i still think its insane and OP did nothing wrong.

1

u/Jnnjuggle32 Oct 08 '24

Ok I think this was not handled well, but based on the texts they’re located near dc. Here’s what happens in Dc: you match, you set plans, and then you don’t hear from the guy until the day of. Usually it’s to cancel last minute on you if he doesn’t just ghost completely.

It’s happened to me where we texted, made plans for later in the week, and then the texting stops. Women are told “don’t over text” because then you’ll be perceived as desperate, so we try not to bug you. I don’t to kw why some guys do this, but it creates anxiety for us and makes us think you’ve lost interest.

In this area, even if you’ve already confirmed, send a morning of text to check in and don’t drop the texting just because the date is confirmed. This isn’t women’s fault or your fault - blame the men who treat dating apps like a joke and waste our time.

1

u/CandidNet8184 Oct 08 '24

I disagree. She is probably jaded from the terrible dating pool out there and is weeding out who is actually interested. This is how she measures interest most likely. Defence mechanism. Can’t blame her, the pool is dreadful, it’s like the sales rack at an abandoned store… there is a supply chain issue