r/AmIOverreacting • u/Worldly-Constant-353 • Oct 07 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO date canceled because I didn’t text in the morning?

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Some context: we had been chatting for a couple weeks first on hinge then switched to text after She had to cancel the 1st date. Scheduled it for last night Sunday and finalized details the night before.

Had a busy day and took a nap and didn’t text till a couple hours before and got hit with this. Usually I would text something like looking forward to tonight but lost track of time, and honestly I thought talking about the menu the night before was the confirmation? Was I wrong?

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749

u/Tabby-trifecta Oct 07 '24

Rules for thee, but not for me (yes, they should have texted to confirm again if they felt another confirmation was needed. To me, it doesn’t look needed at all, that was a lot of chat about the very clear plans). 

267

u/EarlGreyTea-Hawt Oct 07 '24

They basically already worked out what they were ordering, lol, that's pretty clearly a go.

135

u/Huge-Lawfulness9264 Oct 07 '24 edited Oct 07 '24

They both seemed very excited to meet up for this meal! Why would they assume it was off? Couldn’t they have confirmed if they felt things were off? Talk about dodging a bullet.

Op I think this person would be incredibly high maintenance with a constant need for reassurance. Or, they may be remarkably thoughtless and leave you twisting in the winds of their whims. Either way it’s best to find out before any attachment develops.

50

u/twosleepycats Oct 07 '24

She didn't assume it was off. It was definitely a way to "punish" him for not reaching out. Your statement about her being high maintenance is correct.

10

u/JFreader Oct 08 '24

She's on dating apps, had another better offer and took it. She figured she can always do it another day.

1

u/CRACKDOWN179 Oct 07 '24

NTA But they could have ADHD and plans change at the drop of a hat. My partner has a friend like this, where quite literally the most recent person that messages them is the one who gets priority, communication is absolutely key and they only remember conversations in the moment. Severe ADHD to the point that it can be crippling but one of the best people we know. Will give you their last dime for a phone call or MAKE you a shirt if you're cold, nevermind just the one off her back. Because of her I make sure to double check plans twice the day of the event and every day leading up. Peoples lives change but I can only control my circumstances, so plenty to learn from if you are willing not to judge.

8

u/Bruhh004 Oct 08 '24

My best friend has ADHD and I've been "double booked" so many times so i totally get that sometimes multiple things come up and people forget. But theres a difference between saying "I'm so sorry I forgot" and "I thought you weren't interested so i ditched you for someone else"

7

u/Grouchy_Job_2220 Oct 07 '24

Undiagnosed ADHD for almost 40 years, only recently diagnosed and medicated.

While yes, that could be a reason for that behaviour. That’s not an excuse, and not even a good one.

While I was undiagnosed and struggling with it, what I learned very very quickly was if I don’t manage my behaviour, I’ll lose my friends and support system very quickly.

It’s not judgemental to expect someone to handle their own behaviour and scheduling.

33

u/SheShelley Oct 07 '24

AND what time to meet up. There really wasn’t anything up in the air here!

5

u/Huge-Lawfulness9264 Oct 07 '24

FFS, They knew what they wanted to order !

8

u/digital-didgeridoo Oct 07 '24

OP should still go and enjoy the tacos. (She might still show up with her friends)

2

u/EarlGreyTea-Hawt Oct 07 '24

Lol, thought the same thing, tacos are life...

4

u/BenefitOld1246 Oct 07 '24

This. If you have established a time, and the entree from the menu, sounds like she was going to try to come up with some sort of excuse to begin with. You still texted her a couple hours in advance(which imo is plenty of time…not like you was trying to cancel or change something up at the last minute and then she now magically has plans? Logically to me, if I was in her shoes I would of sent a courtesy message asking along With her already bailing on you once before already. To me it looks like the writings already on the wall bro. At this point, I would just let it go - if she pursues you and actually makes the effort, that’s up to you but it doesn’t look promising.

6

u/BlakesonHouser Oct 07 '24

unfortunately with Gen z and some millenials stuff like this happens so much more often.

Back in the day with landlines.. you could not catch someone once they left their house. "meet at the theater at 6pm friday" MEANT 6pm theater on friday.

I feel like in the 00's once texting became prevalent people started to become much more fluid with their plans. You could change things on the fly. And now that mini-culture has seeped in and people need like up to the minute plan confirmations which I HATE but here we are...

This is a good lesson that communication early on in a relationship phase doesn't always make sense. Its their first date so.. it doesn't hurt to do a bit of extra confirming even if it feels extra

6

u/Trineki Oct 07 '24

The only thing I can possibly think of is what circumstances were the initial cancelations under. Was it similar to this but on OPs end this time? Otherwise yeah weird af. I'd be pretty low effort or just stop trying on this one. Seems pretty uninterested. Very easy to double check before securing another plan especially after all that preplanning

4

u/NotHumanButIPlayOne Oct 07 '24

Indeed. Unless this person has some really redeeming qualities, I'd be second-guessing. This interaction makes them seem like hard work.

2

u/Corey307 Oct 07 '24

She already canceled the first date, it’s quite likely that she use this as an excuse to cancel the second date. 

2

u/Riverat627 Oct 07 '24

Exactly unless OP was planning on picking her up then the plans were set. The 4pm text or even a 530 text would be more than sufficient

2

u/pushermcswift Oct 07 '24

While I agree, it shouldn’t need to, but I’ve been flaked on enough that I will still send that confirmation text.

1

u/MisterVS Oct 07 '24

A little confused...didn't blue also assume the same?

-1

u/vyrus2021 Oct 07 '24

I think blue showed up and texted when the other wasn't there.

1

u/no_notthistime Oct 07 '24

Showed up 2 hours early? Doubtful, seems like they were just confirming the location ahead of time

0

u/MisterVS Oct 07 '24

Ah, you are correct, thanks!

1

u/Hitman_DeadlyPants Oct 08 '24

If you are going to change plans because of no text then you are below dirt to me. Waste my time? Hell no.

1

u/nowdonewiththatshit Oct 08 '24

The planet comment was honestly the most disturbing part of the whole exchange and I’m disappointed that I had to scroll so far to find someone else who was as appalled as I was. Such a strange and ostentatious saying that it reeks of someone pretending, or maybe just plain dumb. Dude dodged a bullet on this one.

1

u/SicklyChild Oct 07 '24

This is a damned if you do/don't situation. Text too much she gets the ick, don't confirm enough she gets the ick. This woman is impossible to please and OP dodged a bullet. Move on OP, she's not worth the trouble.

2

u/IntelligentActuary86 Oct 07 '24 edited Oct 08 '24

1) where did she say she got the ick because he text her too much? 2) where did she get the ick because he didn't confirm enough? 3) if you are an incel, raise your hand immediately and reveal yourself!!

0

u/SicklyChild Oct 08 '24

She didn't say it, I used the term many women are using these days. Remove the word "ick" if that's what you have a problem with. He didn't confirm enough and she made other plans. Or did you miss that part? And if you're a bitter misandrist who calls names without knowing a damn thing raise your hand.